Sunday, June 27, 2010

Challenges And Mentoring

Q: What is your next big challenge?
A: I'm in the middle of the book "Eat, Pray, Love" where the author personifies loneliness and depression pictorially, as if they were a good and bad cop stalking and invading her mind, against her best efforts to lock them out. I'd say that anger's my stalker, one for which there are strong gates against that I'm slowly building.

Q: Do you remember anything you learned from your first job that you carry with you today?
A: Yes. Bring solutions, not problems! Everyone I know has enough unsolved problems already. It works extremely well in all phases of life. If nothing else, making a creative effort to devise a possible solution in advance at least shows that you care and are not just looking for business, physical or emotional handouts. Note: I think the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" would point excitedly to that as a characteristically male value. So since most of my bosses have been male, don't mistake my lesson as being any more important from this one: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Or this one: Listen more, speak less.

Q: When your back is against the wall, the odds are against you, and there seems to be no way out, what quality in you comes out?
A: Umm... see question number one. But not forever!

Positive Drama

Q: Have you had a defining moment (an event that changed the direction of your life)? If so, did you recognize your defining moment when it was occurring?
A: Yes. The one that stirs most easily to mind is one I've blogged about before - a potentially disastrous midnight-hour realization that I'd messed up a crucial economics homework project in the first month of freshman year of college. Putting off sleep for another three hours was, in effect, a decision to doggedly pursue my academic goals, breaking a cycle of coasting on natural ability and so-so grades that stretched back several years. I credit it as the first of a chain reaction of achievement.

Q: What makes you happy?
A: Freedom. Affirmation. Summer. Seeing others overcome.

Q: Where do you get inspiration?
A: From real life stories of others' success, hence the reading list at the bottom of Hidden Blog. And also from the optimism and energy of others. I'd be a goner on a desert island (if only because my aversion to eating fish).

High/Low, Week 24-25, 2010

The first week back from vacation slipped by me in terms of this weekly post. And you know what? So far as I can remember, that fact is the lowlight of the week. Another one that would technically make the list, but more as an inconvenience than a soul-dampener, was that for the second consecutive year my work computer was useless when I returned to the office. What is it about my absence that sends machines into comas from which they never recover? So I have a shiny new box on my desk. And I did unfortunately lose all of my "favorite" web sites which has forced me to scramble a bit more than usual in doing research. The upside of waiting a day and a half before being able to do anything? A heck of a nicely organized, records-managed desk!

And as long as we're on the subject of lows, the one that comes to mind most clearly for this week developed at the tail end of hoops on Saturday morning. For the most part it was a great workout. I love to sweat when I exercise, and the sultry conditions promoted plenty of that. Alas, by the end of the second hour, after having lost about three games in a row and diving out of bounds to save a loose ball that went squarely to the other team, my fist had a conversation with the padded wall. And all bones are fully intact.

The reflections enabled by vacation have had a terrific impact on me since. "Everthing's gonna be all right" has kept me at happy keel in several situations where lesser faith would've driven me to worry or anger. The prime example was in the midst of my most important project of the year at work. We are trying to get something in place by August 1 that could save the company $1 million a year. If a certain contentious issue can be solved, that number wouldn't rise to $10 million but would head sharply in that direction. So I busily called ten different people whose opinions matter in the decision. The key person has an extraordinarily busy schedule, but I found an hour window in there next Monday. All I needed was a conference room. I put in a request to the secretary and headed out to lunch. When I returned... that hour window had dissolved! It wasn't like I had to wait to send the invitation, I could have done it without a room reserved and filled in the detail later. Who knew how long it might take now, with each ticking day being precious?

My reaction, like many times recently, was that there must be a good cosmic reason that this happened. There must be plan B out there - perhaps so favorable that it was really a plan A. I still don't know what that reason is. But like the wife I met long after being rejected for a couple of Chicago jobs, something inescapably good is going to come of that extra time. I found a slot on Wednesday. Those extra couple of days might allow me to study a couple more finer points, or have an extra conversation or two with the participants. People might be in an overall better mood just because it's not Monday, or because it's unusually pleasant outside, or...

Or the idea might be rejected because it's on Wednesday rather than Monday. And that, too, would hold some mysterious useful purpose to reveal itself later.

As a wise philosopher once said, worrying adds no time to life. Scientists illustrate how destructive fury can be against oneself. Being able to live that for a fortnight has made the summer kickoff especially sweet!

Toy Story 3

See this movie! Maybe in 3-D, but not essential.

While no series truly comes to an end, it was a pleasant (and ultimately heart-tugging) surprise to see the toys' boy all grown up and ready for college.

The toys end up in a day care center and... I will say that I saw the twist coming a mile away. Enough said, as the homesick toys toil and scheme to find their way back home. When someone told me it was a tear-jerker that doesn't end the way you'd think it would, I was curious. I was satisfied with the end, and while the tears didn't quite come, it did have just the right emotion to bring some wistful contentedness during the walk to the car.

Those "mission impossible" hijinks provide great action scenes, and the time passed by as quickly as you'd expect from a continuously interesting movie, with all the important returning actors.

Well done!

Friday, June 25, 2010

U.S.A.!

See the tribute to the U.S.A.'s stunning last-minute win in the soccer world cup match:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbn3rOPmR9w&feature=player_embedded

Grin And Cub It

I think I lucked out not seeing today's Cubs game, since my favorite Cub fan sent me a strongly-worded e-mail. I did some quick research to investigate their chances of making the playoffs (because baseball fans know that even creeping into the playoffs gives a decent chance of winning the World Series). While rummaging around on the ESPN site's statistics, I skimmed a headline talking about their ace pitcher being suspended due to a tirade. I'm guessing it wasn't a victory-induced tirade.

I believe that the Cubs were facing their crosstown rival White Sox. Now dig this. The Sox have a team batting average of .250. That means that it takes four at bats to get a hit. Not good in a game where there are only three outs to an inning. And guess what? They have won their last ten games in a row.

Now guess which Chicago team has the highest batting average?

Cub fans, rejoice. Surely a team batting .257 can win ten straight, if one hitting worse can. At that point their record would be over .500, the clubhouse would be tirade-free, and we'd be fresh off Independence Day.

Here we come!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Round Of Golf

The actuarial department went out for a round of best-ball golf this afternoon. Tina Bell, Stephanie Snodgrass and me were the final threesome of duffers out there. Stephanie, on her wrenched ankle, had the best ball on 7 of our first 10 shots and generally kept us respectable. Meanwhile, Tina and I enjoyed filling the weeds and lakes of the Links at Ireland Grove with golf balls. For some reason I really thought I wouldn't lose any balls, but the magic number turned out to be four. I must say that my golf clubs are quite sound, to this day I don't recall where they came from but they are good as new. Or more specifically, good as used-five-times-in-the-last decade.

My teammates had imbibed a bit before the match, which made them an extra measure of happy. In nine holes we probably finished 6 or 7 over par. Not bad!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Peak

Ah, the longest day of the year (yesterday, that is). The beginning of summer, the birth of a new season. The official christening of warmth and sun. The sense of freedom that comes from ample daylight at the end of the workday. The kickoff of sports leagues.

Life's golden, better than ever!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Two Rookies

So there we were, Lane with his spiffy new "classic" acoustic guitar, me with my discount unplugged electric guitar. Both, coincidentally, of the Ibanez brand.

Lane, the complete novice guitarist. Me, with zero experience at teaching guitar. We made a fine couple. The upside of two rookies going at it is that there are deep reservoirs of patience abounding, as well as the natural excitement of new beginnings.

Like when Lane observed that the guitar needed some tuning. Was he ever right. Technology had rusted my training - I rely almost entirely on my electronic tuner, but had left it at home. I was thrilled to realize that, after just two minutes of "Ummm... maybe..." I remembered how to do it. I thought it best to simply explain HOW to do it, and let the pupil actually test his ear and do the adjusting. He nailed it! I mean, on two of the strings he hit perfect pitch on his first twist of the peg. Beginner's luck? Divine guidance? Call it.

I broke out the song that I'll be dueting at Calvary since it consisted of only three chords and frankly, since I could use the practice. I'd already gone over the C chord with him in North Carolina, and he remembered it with little guidance. Then we dared to try D7. I find the finger positioning to be relatively easy here, but for some reason a couple of the strings sounded dead.

It was at this point that true guitar instructors would've gotten a chuckle. I treated Lane's gripping hand like it was a creaky Chevrolet... literally circling around him, bending, squinting, peering under the fingers on the neck, scratching my head. "Why the..." Walk back to my guitar. Try to place my hand like his. Slide my fingers around at crazy angles. Nothing I did could reproduce his "dead" sound. At last I figured out that he was holding it too gently (which I guess made sense, since after even ten minutes a newbie's fingers get string-creased and raw). We played around with a couple different grips and soon he was getting some ringing, clear sound.

Next it was time to "scrimmage." I reasoned that it was too much to try for him to switch between chords on the fly just yet. So we worked out a routine where he took the C chord, and I the others. Next was the simple two-step strum pattern. First, pluck just the top string. Second, a full strum of all six strings.

Lane settled in on one living room sofa. I laid on my back on the other sofa, letting him watch my strumming from above so that he could master the rhythm. "Top, all, top, all, top, all..." Eventually we were air-guitar jamming. From there, it was fairly easy... he actually struck the strings when we reached C, and I did so on the rest. And sang along. Oh, if the tapes were rolling.

I gave him his first guitar picks. Then we strolled back toward Grandma and Grandpa's house from his, chatting about him playing a song or two at Christmastime, and someday if he finds it to his liking, maybe a two-man act in front of church. Who knows what'll be? Grandma gave me a toy piano when I was in kindergarten, and I think we used it as first base until we smashed it to pieces. Three months into my adult guitar experience, I was about ready to give it up. Three years later I was in a band. It just matters how the wind blows with people's passions. (And thank goodness Grandma went to her grave knowing that I came around to music after just thirty years!).

For a day, anyway, I got to be a guitar mentor. It was about the best Father's Day activity that a sonless guy like me could have!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

About Success

Q: How do you define success?
A: Wearing a smile. Experiencing freedom. Feeling peace.

Q: Do you consider yourself successful?
A: Not yet! There are too many holes in the quilt.

Q: If you had to name the one thing that drives you to succeed, what would it be?
A: Under the definition above, I'd say the shortness of life and the physical cost of anger.

Challenges And Defeat

Q: What challenges have you had to overcome to get where you are?
A: I'd say a limited ability to think on my feet, and an energy-draining anger reflex.

Q: What drives you in the face of defeat?
A: I interpret the question to mean what drives me when I'm nearly beaten. If my head is right, then I'm driven by the silver lining... what's the upside of the situation? What's right with the world? When I stake too much in the victory, I'm driven by the desire to go down swinging. I'll bring an extra burst to the game, put in extra hours on the project, concentrate harder in the waning hour.

Q: What helps you overcome a failure?
A: Optimism that everything's gonna be all right. It's true. Things are good now, and I've had some terrible experiences. No regrets, except when I'm unable to keep my cool or respect others.

Fortune And Family

Q: Do you consider yourself lucky?
A: Completely! I live in America, have talents, and am healthy, to name three out of ten thousand ways. Specifically for one, my career was aided by passing a couple of exams that seemed utterly unlikely.

Q: What is the biggest difference between your parents' generation and yours?
A: As a Gen Xer, my parents were born just before the Baby Boom. I think work is a stronger component of that generation's identity than the work/life balance orientation of mine.

Q: What is the biggest difference between your generation and the one coming up behind you?
A: Accessibility to technology. I had Atari and Commodore 64. The next generation can do more with computers by age 3 than I could in eighth grade.

High/Low, Week 23 2010

Vacation in the Outer Banks!

The low point is an easy one. My allergy to small children flared up in the midst of the previously-blogged video game baby-sitting marathon. Toward the end of the fifth hour, as one of the sugar-fueled squealers dropped my controller to the ground for the third time, I stormed to my feet, disconnected the game and declared it shut down for the rest of the week. I think my Mom would have been proud, and it still feels like proper justice, but the anger... ah, my relentless and seemingly inescapable companion. Reflecting on that incident gave rise to the post about "mental muscles," and I would say it's helped since.

You read all about Spa Koru, which was the highlight of the week hands down. Coming in second was the guitar session with Lane. Another successful Young-McDonald sponsored feast drew raves this year. Jane led the Puzzling Bloggers Guild in several events, even attracting some non-blogging members. And Dena and I had a lot of fun on the drive out and back.

Big Memories

More introspective questions from a recent survey:

Q: What has been your biggest mistake? What did you learn from it?
A: In the midst of a critical and contentious stretch, a leader from a volunteer organization invited me to a meeting under the pretense of "following up" on a topic that had been covered previously. That topic had been my struggles with some behaviors of the leader. The actual meeting was a sort of surprise intervention where I was ambushed by three leaders of the organization and confronted with my own faults. To make matters worse, I lost my composure. The lessons I learned were (1) when taken by surprise, take a mental step back from the conversation, so as to react with calm and reflection... "everything's gonna be all right," and (2) attend no meeting until the agenda is clearly understood.

Q: What is the worst thing that ever happened to you? What did you learn from it?
A: This one took some pondering, because I believe that few things "happen" to us, and most are products of our own decisions. So I landed on Dad's death from liver cancer at just 66 years old. I learned that sometimes God does things that suck! But I'm not complaining. In the big picture I've received a thousand times more good than bad, and after all... if you make a world, you're entitled to do whatever you want with it! If that occasionally means turning a magnifying glass on one of the ants... so be it.

Q: What's the biggest risk you've ever taken in your career? What's the biggest risk you've ever taken in your personal life? Do you think differently about the two situations?
A: At work, I once defended an employee's performance when senior managers were pressing to issue a lower rating. A year later, the same room quietly agreed with an even higher rating I gave the same employee, evidenced by a turnaround that was especially satisfying. In my personal life, it would be the risk of joining my life's fortunes with Dena's, I think it's a risk no matter who the couple is. And because marriage is forever, I most certainly do think differently of it. The job is just something I do. My relationship with Dena is part of who I am.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Pop Music News

Budding pop music star Lane Young got his first guitar today. On sabbatical from his junior high school career, he ignited a following on the East Coast with his debut performance of "I'll Get You" by the Beatles. Critics acclaimed his duet role as "the best playing of C chord since Lennon" while panning his uncle Joe's supplement of all other chords to be "as appealing as yesterday's newspaper." It surprised no one that Young progressed to the next logical step of obtaining a guitar not insanely large compared to his hand size. Reports of an impromptu afternoon Goodfield concert of "C" were unconfirmed as of press time.

Despite the coastal debacle, Joe was booked to perform at Calvary United Methodist Church in Normal for the 8:00 and 9:30 services on Sunday, June 27. His duet with Evelyn Ehlers on the old spiritual "Mansion Over The Hilltop" offers a chance at redemption, musically and spiritually, as he brings his unique brand of metronome-like acoustic strumming to the CUMC faithful.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

3 Signs Of A Miserable Job

Today I heard a presentation from Patrick Lencioni, popular author of books regarding leadership. He outlined his philosophy on the three components of a miserable job.

1. Anonymity. Get to know your employees as a whole person. It may be a business, but an employee is first and foremost a person. Treat them that way.

2. Irrelevance. Understand how the job matters to someone, in some way, large or small.

3. Immeasurement. Help them chart their progress.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Armed For Greatness

"I insist that Pete Gray is an immortal who belongs in the [baseball] Hall of Fame. I say this because he made it to the top despite the fact that he had no right arm. He didn't look down at what he lacked. Instead, he looked up with what he had." - Zig Ziglar

"A" Team

"It's your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude." - Zig Ziglar

It doesn't pay to act smart. It pays to act bright.

Personal Sunshine

"A smile is one little curve that sets a lot of things straight." - Zig Ziglar

We were at the Olive Garden yesterday and I couldn't help but notice the steady smile of our server. As he also happened to be a big, athletic looking sort, I asked him if he played on any local teams. It turns out that the young junior in college is planning to run for a minor public office soon!

I believe it. Maybe without others realizing it, a room is warmed by every second we smile.

Make Like A Tree... Or Not

"One day, after withstanding the elements for centuries, the rains came, the winds blew, the lightening flashed and the giant Sequoia fell. Not because of the elements. It fell because of the weakening effect of those tiny beetles. Bad habits to the same to people. They slowly take a toll until the day comes when the man, like the tree, falls." - Zig Ziglar

Winning Addictions

"These examples emphasize that when you are around or with a negative or destructive situation or environment long enough you will go from objection to tolerance, from tolerance to acceptance, and from acceptance to participation and even enjoyment. It makes no difference how little it was to start with, it will grow." - Zig Ziglar

Zig was talking about smoking. On the flip side, if a person can come around to like smoking, which the body rejects so thoroughly at the outset... what's to stop us from picking up a powerfully good habit in the same way? Practices like exercise are sweaty, time-consuming and apparently worthless at the start. Even today, that first mile I run is like being in sand. In time, the benefits become their own form of addiction - the best kind.

Looking Up

"When you're looking at the sun, you see no shadows." - Zig Ziglar

Flocking Around

"Scientists have discovered in wind tunnel tests that the flock can fly 72% further than an individual goose can fly. Man, too, can fly higher, further and faster by cooperating with, instead of fighting against, his fellow man." - Zig Ziglar

We are in a position to save the company millions of dollars by making a few changes to procedures. We could possibly ramrod those changes through and capture the savings even without consulting those who work the procedures on the front lines. But why? In the long run, the end does not justify the means. How you get there, is as important as getting there. It's not a team victory unless the whole team contributes. I'm planning to take steps to make sure that happens.

Focus Makes Fire

"Take the hottest day the world has ever known, the most powerful magnifying glass you can find in a store and a box of newspaper clippings. Hold the magnifying glass over the newspaper clippings. Even though you magnify the power of the sun through the glass, you will never start a fire - if you keep the glass moving. However, if you hold the glass still, and focus it on the paper, you harness the power of the sun and multiply it through the glass. Then you can start a roaring fire." - Zig Ziglar

In my career it's been increasingly common to rotate people around to different jobs. Whereas once we dedicated Tyson to improving our group insurance line rather than tossing it among a wilderness of other activities crying for attention, the benefits really took off.

Go Lights

"If you wait until all the lights are green before you leave home, you'll never get started on your trip to the top." - Zig Ziglar

On the whole, what are commonly referred to as "stop lights" actually get us through a busy intersection much faster than without (think of power outages!). And "failures" make us much more effective down the road!

Echo Effect

"Life is an echo. What you send out - comes back. What you sow - you reap. What you give - you get. What you see in others - exists in you. Regardless of who you are or what you do, if you are looking for the best way to reap the most reward in all areas of life, you should look for the good in every person and in every situation and adopt the golden rule as a way of life." - Zig Ziglar

How awesome is this reality, to know that indirectly we have such great influence upon what happens to us?

Staying Afloat

"You don't drown by falling into water, you only drown if you stay there." - Zig Ziglar

I had a morning appointment with a friend get cancelled due to a family emergency. A sprinkle of rain, not a flood. As usual, it opened up the right opportunity, in this case a chance to catch up with Hidden Bloggers with a vacation week's worth of reading and musings!

Dirty Secret

"When they're throwing dirt, they're not doing a thing but losing ground." - Zig Ziglar

That opportunity to chime in on the faults of others is life handing us a shovel with a smile. Let it drop!

Mental Muscles

"Success and happiness are not matters of chance but choice." - Zig Ziglar

It occurred to me during vacation that each day seemed to have at least one testy moment. Some were arguably more "legitimate" than others. An unexpected cancellation of a spa appointment is topped by near-destruction of the PS2, which in turn is topped by driving a car through the mountains on slick roads in pouring rain.

It sank in that this year's been a good one for exercise. By the end of the year I'll have graced the door of Four Seasons over 250 times. Though I've never kept a steady weightlifting routine going for as many as ten straight months, the prospects are as real now as ever. A 200 pound bench press is in the realm of possibility. It's been a blossoming of increased strength.

Or has it?

Is a person really strong who kicks into victim mode when even slight things go awry? Who steps into the gutter of anger in all its degrees... from irritation to badmouthing to disgusted tones to fiery stares to...

The difference is in the choice rather than the chance.

My physical muscles were much weaker a year ago. Rather than leg lifting 225 pounds, it was 135. And 135 was not frustrating. I realized that I was weak, and that with time and dedication, things would improve.

Likewise, what about these mental circumstances thrown my way at least as daily as I hit the gym? At Four Seasons, when the reps get tough I could just sink back. Worst case scenario, I could let them come crashing down in a grand display of failure.

So the question is, why not view these "setbacks" instead as my mental workout for the day? True, they are more difficult since I can see the challenges coming in the weight room, whereas these pop up randomly. In that way, perhaps they create an even greater strength, since it requires a state of ongoing conditioning to deal with resistance.

And how to "deal"? Workout routines vary individually.

Personally, a good part of it is accepting that there is a greater plan for me. If that big force in the sky has decided that it's my time to go, then the strongest guardrail in the world won't keep me on that slippery mountain. And if it's not, then a team of horses couldn't pull me over the cliff's edge.

Life's not ultimately in my control, and if it were, would it be better or worse? I was rejected by Allstate when I applied for work there out of college. Now I'm married to Dena. The rejection was clearly a step in the right direction! And of course not one that I would have picked at the time.

This week, the rescheduled spa appointment was as good as I could have asked for. The PS2 is in fine working order. And I'm still in one piece, high above the valleys of West Virginia. For that matter, high above the valleys of worry, and ready to pump some mental iron when it falls and harden muscles that have been softening for a little too long.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Spa Koru

Hidden Bloggers, if you want to live like those with cash to burn for a week, listen to what I have to say.

First, find your way to the neighborhood of Avon, North Carolina for a week. We arrived and departed on consecutive Saturdays.

Who wants to get soft? The Spa Koru popped up on my Google search for a fitness center. $50 for a week's membership. Most guys are more likely to take in the benefits of a spa/salon if it's attached to a gym (since it's more like a second tier of health rather than a special pampering trip), and the married couple that owns Koru got it right on that account. $85 for an hour massage. $50 for a pedicure.

I calculated that on Sunday I could stop in an pick up a week pass. I could do weights on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday (on our way out of town, since it opens at 8:00). Cardio on the other days. Weight days could double conveniently as spa/salon days. So I called into an energetic and polished concierge who set up a massage on Sunday and pedicure for Thursday.

I'd had a chance to review the stylish web site and video tour of the facility, but still kept my expectations low, simply unsure of what to count on from a beach economy. And I'll spend the rest of this post raising your expectations, since I was overwhelmingly sold by what I found.

The five-year old facility exudes comfort befitting the afterlife. Immaculate in cleanliness. Modern in its marble-tiled, carpeted, and mahogany-furnished elements. Soothing music cascades everywhere but the fitness area, where upbeat music sets the atmosphere and televisions conveniently distract the mind from the exertions of the workout.

Nautilus, free weights, treadmills, elliptical machines and stretching areas abound in the spacious center, which is brightly festooned with windows and accessorized with drinking fountains and disinfectant wipes.

The locker rooms are luxuriously equipped. Self-programmable lockers secure belongings. Deep shower stalls feature not only shower gel, but shampoo and conditioner in separate bottles. A steam room awaits if desired. Large towels abound. How can you beat that convenience? All you need to bring is a fresh change of clothes.

The staff is decidedly young, fit, friendly, and enthusiastic. When I reported for my massage, the owner Tami led me cheerfully back to the special locker room just for spa participants. She led me to the robes, sandals, and snack-laden "relaxation room" with wicker furniture and a guest book (which, big surprise, I eventually loaded with well-wishes and thanks).

Kristin from Geneseo, NY was my massage therapist. She not only delivered a massage that had my muscles woozy from head to toe, but was fascinating in conversation. Turns out she's a spa owner herself, on summer sabbatical in the Outer Banks to relax and study the fitness center aspects of a spa. A fellow avid reader, she also shared a wealth of marketing tips for small business owners that had been profitable for her. I can hardly wait to share them with Dena and my therapist friends back home. And of course I had to schedule an encore massage before leaving!

The pedicure was similarly invigorating physically and socially. Again, the technician was on a summer adventure away from her normal job, which coincidentally in this case was in my field of life/health insurance. As an athlete, I appreciated the extra attention she gave to massaging and smoothing the soles (most technicians seem more devoted to the nails).

All of the staff members were quick to recommend places of interest on the island for visiting and dining. By week's end they were greeting me by name. And maybe the most convincing story started in failure, when I arrived for my Thursday appointment to learn that it had been inadvertently cancelled. As it turned out, the cancellation was due to an emergency for the scheduled technician. Still, with great apology they granted me a $10 discount off of my service. With the manager on the line, I took the opportunity to share my satisfaction in detail as I have with you all - and also to their Tripadvisor.com location for feedback.

It was an angelic experience. May you find the same!

Postin' By The Ocean

At last a historic post from the top floor of our Frisco, North Carolina vacation house, gazing over the Atlantic Ocean and savoring the waning moments of a beautiful week.

18 hours in the durable and comfortable Toyota Corolla with Dena:

GOOD IDEA: Using Enterprise to rent from the Shoppes at College Hills. Unlimited miles, which wouldn't have been the case had we gone through the store at the airport. MapQuest the route through Charleston, WV - far less mountainous.

BAD IDEA: Staying overnight in Charleston. That left us with 10 hours of driving, which inadvertently got us in hot water with Dena's mom since we weren't around to help unpack some stuff. Next time, I suppose we'd leave earlier on Friday and drive a bit further.

BAD IDEA: Following the MapQuest directions that instructed us to get off of Route 64 and drive for 19 miles north on Route 12. When you're passing people's driveways, you know you're not on the most economical route for an 1,100 mile trip.

GOOD IDEA: Bringing along an interesting book like Freakanomics. We had a lot of fun reading to each other, it made the miles melt away.

GOOD IDEA: Bringing the portable DVD player and a bunch of Frasier episodes to shake things up as the sun set.

It was a successful drive!

We batted for good average in the entertainment too:

GOOD IDEA: Buying the laptop. Being able to keep in touch with the rest of the world came in handy when Dena got called about some Kiwanis graphic design work. I needed it to do some research, and of course could update the fantasy baseball teams easily.

USELESS IDEA: Bringing the PlayStation 2. It was much used last year, but this year there were sufficient puzzles, books, exercise and other options available.

BAD IDEA: Bringing the laptop/PS2 into the open spaces. Would you sit down on an anthill while covered in maple syrup and expect to take a nap? Then don't bring electronic toys into a room filled with sub-10-year-olds and expect a relaxing evening. I envisioned that firing up the PS2 in one of the public living rooms would draw some older folks and make it a fun time, while eliminating the risk that items in my room would be destroyed or lost when overrun with children. But it turned into a four-hour babysitting session featuring water and garbage strewn about, kids running perilously close to trip-and-crash wires, screaming, whining and producing some of the least inspiring video sports performances possible by creatures with opposable thumbs. When my game controller was dropped for the third time in twenty minutes, I declared the games closed for the duration of the week and staggered to bed.

GOOD IDEA: Puzzles. The Puzzling Bloggers Guild sponsored about a half-dozen puzzles, and even attracted several non-members.

BAD IDEA: Relying on my cell phone to check in with the office a couple of times. No service! Fortunately, Dena let me borrow hers.

GOOD IDEA: Being matched up with the Youngs for our turn to make the meal. This year I even got to contribute more than usual, helping with food shopping, dicing veggies and giving the pre-meal introductions and prayer. Four more years!

BAD IDEA: Ocracoke Island trips. Two hours of travel round trip is too much for a non-shopper. But this falls under the untouchable sacrifices-of-love category.

GOOD IDEA: Driving separately to Ocracoke. Two hours in a car with small children might have forced me to put the prior note in - dare I say - italics.

GOOD IDEA: Bringing the guitars and amp. I got to show Lane how to play some basic guitar chords and he did just fine. We got to play a song together and it might have been as much fun for him as it was for me. With luck, it'll be the start of a new adventure for him!

GOOD IDEA: Books. Brought eight. Read three. Excess is a good thing here.

GREAT IDEA: The Spa Koru. It deserves its own post.

I didn't expect to settle into such a natural and enjoyable routine. Woke without alarm clock around 8:30. Got shaved and to the pool for two hours of mayhem-free sun and reading by 9:00. 11:00 off to Spa Koru. Work out, spa, shower. Home between 2-3. Downed 50 oz. along the way. Then a light lunch. Afternoon of puzzling, blogging, guitaring, fantasy baseball, or more reading. Early evening dinner/family activity, then more of the afternoon activities.

As usual, a week was perfect length to be with the clan. Having spent more time than usual contemplating retirement in the last year, I wondered how well I would someday adjust to an "empty" schedule. Answer based on this week: With a flourish!

High/Low, Week 22 2010

The low and high points of the week both come from the work sphere.

This was the first week at work without Tyson. And as luck would have it, two significant projects crossed my desk. While trying to get two new employees up and running. And trying to clean the desk for vacation. What can a body do? Put it in God's hands. I waited patiently to be cloned, but instead, the work just had to go into a corner until I return. "Everything's gonna be all right."

As a parting gift, Tyson attempted to convince my boss of the existence of some surplus in our group insurance line. This seldom-explored area of our business had been left gathering dust for years. Tyson muscled himself into becoming the department expert on the subject. And his perseverance paid off, as his presentation drove the point successfully home. It'd be overly boring and complicated to explain the significance of this accomplishment. What would you do if you negotiated peace in the Middle East? High five exuberantly? There you go.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Nordstrom Employee Handbook

Below is the entire employee handbook of the famous Nordstrom store, which speaks volumes about empowerment and teamwork by saying little:

"Welcome to Nordstrom. We're glad to have you with our company. Our number one goal is to provide outstanding customer service. Set both your personal and professional goals high. We have great confidence in your ability to achieve them. So our employee handbook is very simple. We have only one rule... Use good judgment in all situations. Please feel free to ask your Department Manager, Store Manager, or Human Resource office any question at any time."

Credit Score: Zero

"A leader doesn't need any credit, he's getting more credit than he deserves anyway." - Robert Townsend, former CEO, Avis

A Lesson Or Two

"We all make mistakes. If you can't make mistakes, you can't make decisions. I've made a lot bigger mistakes myself." - Warren Buffett

These were the words he spoke to an executive who'd just lost the company $360 million! Two lessons leap off the page from one of the great businessmen of a generation. First, that employees must be encouraged to take action without fear (within limits, of course). Secondly, like Abraham Lincoln, the depth of forgiveness that great leaders hold in Biblical proportion, arising from their modest view of self.

Map Quest

"At the end of the day, people follow those who know where they're going." - Jack Trout

Still trying to figure it out, personally. Within my work responsibilities, I've got a plan. Beyond that... maybe the old adage about success being a journey and not a destination applies. My destination is freedom rather than legacy - to let my body's rhythms flow without imposition. To wake when I'm ready, sleep when I'm ready, play when I'm ready, work when I'm ready... bound only in lightest terms by the clock. My orientation will always be fairly productive, if I were lazy I doubt I'd write thousands of posts, read hundreds of books, coach teams, or serve on condominium boards. The journey of success will be to master the impulses of anger - to accept that "everything's gonna be all right," to see failure as learning and opportunity, to remember to laugh at myself, to focus on myself as an instrument in the plan of a loving God. Hopefully I'll live long enough to celebrate that accomplishment!

Tale Of Two CEOs

Compare these two management philosophies:

"Every few months, Carpenter and Evans choose a different rising star to coach. There are lunches, private meetings, occasional late-night phone calls. More important, they give the staffer feedback - direct, sustained, brutally honest: 'People don't grow if you're soft with them.'"

"John Mackey doesn't just delegate; in fact, he can seem almost diffident about his company. Asked how 140 cashiers can function as a single team... he looks like an anthropologist who has just had a student ask a great question. 'That does sound like a problem,' he says. 'A team that large could confound the basic operating principle. But I'll tell you, I don't have the faintest idea how they've solved that problem. That's not my job anymore. But call them up, ask. I guarantee they have found a solution. I'd be curious to know what it is.'"

Good? Bad? Yep. "Hard" or "soft" styles both seem very successful and fraught with flaws. There must be something deeper than style that creates harmony and ultimately better results. My theory: that winning combination of persistence and humility, devoted with focus to the common cause, whatever that cause might be.

High/Low, Week 21 2010

There's some joy and sadness in seeing Tyson move on to the next stage of his career. The week was all about wrapping up a few outstanding projects and working out the kinks of some recurring duties that will be in transition.

Tyson was my first actuarial student and first direct report younger than me. I'd wondered in my previous ten years how capable I'd be in leading someone like that. And thankfully, I was eased into the experience through the gift of a person oriented like me in several ways, with particular passion for training and organization. In addition, he has a world of interpersonal and technological smarts. Our journey of trial and error was not only developmental for him and me, but entirely enjoyable.

The satisfaction I feel is like a teacher seeing a student graduate to the next level. He moves on for more accomplishment and education from a model supervisor. And thankfully, he's not far away. The great leaders are persistent and humble, and it's been a privilege to be associated with one in the making!

Happiness As Tolerance

"As I look back on my life and think of all the people I've known, those who have been the least happy and the most hostile were those who couldn't see the two sides to an issue. Or they couldn't comprehend that someone else might see the world differently. Conversely, people who are able to see that the world is not always black and white and who understand that 'our way' is not the 'only way' are almost always the kindest, most tolerant, happiest, and easiest people to be around." - Richard Carlson

My knowledge of the conflict in Israel, or about the Crusades or Spanish Inquisition is too limited to comment. I'm not personally engaged in debates over homosexuality, welfare, communism, divorce, parenting styles or abortion. But my experience matches Carlson's. Except for matters of life and death (which admittedly have different definitions depending on the individual), I find more happiness in validating and supporting the way my family and friends choose to live their lives and hold their beliefs than to try to change them.

Your Ultimate Brain Power Workout

From Yahoo! Health:

The road to a fit mind isn't paved in crossword puzzles alone. In fact, walking that road can also give your gray matter a boost, according to top researchers. "Exercise is as close to a magic bullet as brain fitness gets," says John Medina, PhD, director of the Brain Center for Applied Learning at Seattle Pacific University. Physical activity bathes neural tissue in oxygen-rich blood, increasing the production of chemicals that improve memory, attention, and problem-solving.

When sedentary adults in one study jogged for half an hour 2 or 3 times a week for 12 weeks, their memory and ability to juggle tasks improved by 30%. Just as important: Inactivity stops this process. When the participants returned to their couch potato ways, they lost 10% of the gain after 6 weeks.

To create the ultimate brainpower workout, we developed this 7-day plan based on cutting-edge research that will wake you up above the neck while still delivering the calorie-torching, body-toning benefits of ordinary workouts. The twist: Simple tweaks such as choosing scenic walking routes, closing your eyes while strength-training, and even playing catch activate areas of your brain that regular exercise doesn't challenge. Follow along for a week's worth of workouts, then continue to use the strategies below as often as possible, whether you repeat the 7-day plan or incorporate the techniques into your own routine.

Try our 8 tips to improve your memory and brain function!

Day 1
Take a nature walk

Why it's a brain booster: University of Michigan researchers found that memory and attention improved 20% when people walked in a park versus an urban environment. Natural settings have a restful effect, allowing the brain to better process information, says study coauthor Marc Berman, a PhD candidate and psychology researcher. Busy surroundings — noisy traffic, colorful billboards, and throngs of people — clamor for attention and distract you. An iPod can do the same, so leave it at home to emerge calmer, more focused — and better able to tackle your to-do list.

Day 2

Connect with your senses

Why it's a brain booster: Studies have long shown that tai chi improves balance. Now research demonstrates it may also protect the area of the brain responsible for the sense of touch, which tends to fade rapidly after 40. In a recent Harvard study, 50-to 60-year-olds who did tai chi had a more acute sense of feeling in their fingertips, equivalent to that of people nearly half their age. Improved sensation can help you thread a needle, savor hugs from loved ones, or react quickly to a hot stove; as you age, it also helps prevent falls. Tai chi's controlled movements strengthen nerve pathways to the fingers and toes, which become less responsive without practice, says study author Catherine Kerr, PhD. Try it at prevention.com/taichi.

Day 3
Add in speed

Why it's a brain booster: A 2007 study found that exercisers who did two 3-minute sprints memorized new words 20% faster afterward than those who skipped the workout. Cardio exercise increases blood flow, triggering growth in the area of the hippocampus responsible for memory and verbal learning, research shows. The proliferation of new brain cells may actually be linked to a bigger brain. In a University of Pittsburgh study, the most aerobically fit had an average 7% larger hippocampus size than their sofa-sitting peers did. (A small hippocampus may be to blame for forgetting appointments or names.)

Get Up And Move!
Research shows daily exercise may be able to help combat dementia later in life.

Day 4
Challenge Your Balance

Why it's a brain booster: Emerging research reveals a link between toning your muscles and toning your brain. In a Canadian study, older adults who lifted weights along with walking and balance exercises improved their decision-making abilities by nearly 13% in 6 months. Adding a balance and coordination challenge to standard strength moves — such as simultaneously raising your right arm and left leg — may magnify the benefit. "Complex movements force your mind to work harder by engaging multiple parts of the brain," says John Martin, PhD, a neuroscientist at Columbia University. Start with these 4 mind-sharpening moves from Michael Gonzalez-Wallace, creator of The Brain Muscle Workout, which will also sculpt your arms, legs, back, and belly. Do 3 sets of 10 reps. Already lift weights? Add these moves to your regular workout to amp up brainpower and firm faster.

Balancing Arm Raise
Stand holding dumbbells at sides, palms back. Lift right knee to hip height as you raise left arm up in front, elbow straight, until it's overhead. Lower and switch sides.

Ballerina Curl
Stand with feet wide, toes out, holding dumbbells at sides, palms forward. Bend knees, lowering hips. As you stand, curl dumbbells toward shoulders and lift heels. Lower dumbbells, then heels, and repeat.

Coordination Crunch
Lie on back with a dumbbell in each hand near chest, elbows bent out to sides, legs extended over hips, and abs tight. Simultaneously open legs into a 'V' as you lift head and shoulders off floor and press weights straight up over chest. Lower to start, bringing legs together, and repeat.

Step and Pull
Stand with left foot about 3 feet in front of right, dumbbells at sides, palms back. Bend knees to lower into a lunge, front knee over ankle. Stand, bending elbows out to sides to pull weights up to chest level, and bring right knee forward to hip height. Balance, then step back into another lunge, lowering arms.

Day 5
Toss a ball while walking

Why it's a brain booster: German researchers found that adolescents, who bounced, threw, or passed balls with alternating hands for just 10 minutes increased their attention and concentration in a subsequent lesson and test. You don't have to be a kid to benefit, say study authors, who speculate that handling a ball primes the part of the brain that controls focus.

Day 6
Repeat day 3, with a friend

Why it's a brain booster: A substantial body of research suggests that beefing up your social calendar decreases your chances of memory loss. A study in the American Journal of Public Health reported that women with large social networks slashed their risk of dementia by as much as 26%. Plus, psychology research concludes that encouraging others to exercise will ensure that you follow through too.

Day 7
Repeat day 4, with eyes closed

Why it's a brain booster: "When you take away visual cues, you push your brain to use circuits that aren't normally engaged," says Martin. Your brain relies on a combination of sensory information from your limbs, joints, and eyes to coordinate movements. By closing your eyes, you force your brain to adapt. This improves plasticity — your mind's ability to change and refine when faced with new experiences, a process that tends to wane with age.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Perspective On Peace

"I asked Mark what has enabled him to keep so strong and wise during this entire ordeal. Without pause, he said with a smile, 'Four simple words: 'I won't go there.' Truthfully, that's our secret. We simply don't allow ourselves to go down that path of worry and dread. Since the situation is tough enough, allowing our minds to take us to even more difficult scenarios would make life almost unbearable." - Richard Carlson

In Mark's case, it was the near death of his youngest son, brain damaged in a car accident and in the midst of excruciating recovery even to be able to once again walk and speak.

What is peace? Lately, my definition's been the belief that "everything's gonna be all right." Easily said, and...

Last night we trekked down the coast toward the ferry for Ocracoke Island. In the interest of a whine-free ride I decided we'd drive separately in our rented Toyota Corolla rather than carpooling. We hadn't gotten a mile down the road when my eye drifted toward the gas gauge and the shock of a needle hovering just above "E." Back home, my fuel-efficient Saturn needs a fill-up every two weeks. Here, my daily trips to the fitness center had added up... the drive had become routine but was still over a half hour round trip.

Now, with two vans full of family in our wake, and 20-30 miles of highway to cover ahead, worry conquered me. There's a service station! I pulled in, as the vans swooshed by to catch the ferry that we now might miss. Sign in the window: "Closed." Go back? Go forward? We pushed on. Dena recalled another gas station ahead, and was right. And it turns out that this was the only station along the route.

Was "everything gonna be all right"? Sure. Worst case is that we'd have driven back, refueled, caught the next ferry and still made it in time for dinner. The experience would have been just as bloggable. But in that capsule of worry I probably aged an hour in ten minutes. The inconvenience to the family would've been cause for remorse, the act of stupidity to ignore the gauge a blow to anyone's confidence in me. But in the big picture, as with everything, part of God's sometimes incomprehensible plan. This day, however, the plan was to give me a chance to fail another test of faith, in the hopes that I'll learn my lesson before a much bigger one comes.

A Drink Of Spirit

"Try spending a minute or two minutes every day consciously hoping for something positive in your life. Hope not for something material, such as a new car or a promotion, but for something spiritual, such as having more peace of mind or getting along better with your neighbors and those in your family. By spending just a few minutes a day with this type of positive energy, you'll be creating a positive environment for a happier life. Though engaged in a small action, you'll be part of a very large solution." - Richard Carlson

Wake Up Call

"As I was reflecting on the small changes each of us can make in our lives, the one that stood out was the most basic of all. It's the decision we make every single day when we wake up about how to approach the day. Are we going to feel sorry for ourselves, or are we going to take responsibility for our own happiness? Are we going to look for what's wrong and find it? Or are we going to look for what's right and find that instead?" - Richard Carlson

Complete Control

"Our thoughts have the power, if left to their own devices, to take us to either great heights or miserable depths. This is why it is so important to remember that we are the ones in control. We can follow our thoughts as they arise, or we can change or drop them. We alone have the choice." - Richard Carlson

Courtney's Post

Today Courtney went swimming. She went to the beach and went into the ocean. Lunch of mac and cheese. Watched her uncle play the guitar. Played Webkins for a while. Had chicken for dinner. Then watched her uncle sit in front of his computer and type stuff.

What a great day it was!

Plane Wisdom

"Any airplane is off track much of the time but just keeps coming back to the flight plan. Eventually, it arrives at its destination." - Stephen Covey

A pilot will be intensely disappointed if he demands a direct flight in order to be successful. Those who start a journey with a plan are ahead of the game, but those who expect that plan to shift a little or a lot over time are better off still.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Integrity

"Over time, integrity produces loyalty. If you attempt to reverse them and go for loyalty first, you will find yourself temporizing and compromising integrity. It's better to be trusted than to be liked. Ultimately, trust and respect will generally produce love." - Stephen Covey

What is integrity? It's been described as "doing what you say you'll do." When I heard this at my supervisor orientation a decade ago, I bought into it. And lately, I still agree about integrity, though I kind of disagree with the definition. Integrity has the same root as "integrate." Something that's integrated is connected. It's all together. It fits. It's united. Harmonious. What about oil and water? If I approach a fountain that randomly disperses water or oil, I'm not going to drink from it - it has no integrity with me! And if I meet a person who sometimes says one thing and sometimes a contradicting thing, I'm not going to invest in a trusting relationship with that person. More extremely, if a person says one thing and does the opposite, that's dishonesty. Honesty, the old-fashioned best policy, is a special case of integrity - a consistency and dependability in one's actions that's the cornerstone of trust.

The 2 Habits?

"To sum up the 7 habits of highly effective people, one might say 'make and keep a promise,' and 'involve others in the problem and work out the solution together.'" - Stephen Covey

Seeking First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

"One of the things I did right in the whole process was to establish a set of ground rules dealing with how we should engage with one another. It wasn't so much that I dictated it, but I did model it. In the middle of the year's worth of work, I gave a speech about the difference between debate and dialogue, making the point that dialogue was a far superior method for reaching understanding and resolution. The essential difference between it and debate is that in dialogue, you are listening to understand rather than looking for ways to convince someone of your view point. It was my way of trying to build understanding throughout the entire culture and it was embraced quickly and readily. It became a powerful force on campus, and a way for doing business." - Michael Bassis, president Olivet College

I remember thinking from business books that building a team of people who are courageous in debating ideas is a great way to get healthy results. And that courage is something I've seen and appreciated as people challenge ideas, so the principle is sound. But I especially like the distinction between debate - and its win-lose connotation - versus dialogue as a means of exploring. There can be many good answers to emerge from a dialogue. The one that was in my head when I entered the room may well be different from the one that becomes reality. And as a side note, I think that effective organizations make it clear who gets to break any stalemates. I've seen enough to know that such a person, if designated, acts like a bathtub plug. It's necessary to keep resources from flushing down the drain!

A Bag Of Stuff

"I think people need to feel good about themselves before they can feel good about what they do at work every day." - Tom Dolan, CEO, Xerox Business Systems

Are problems "out there" or "in here"? A neighbor of mine said that in her view, "everyone is born with a bag of stuff," meaning that we all have strengths... and things that are gaps in our abilities. We can obsess about those shortcomings, or enjoy what we do well and the fact that creation is teeming with plenty of people to fill in the gaps.

A Serious Mistake

"There's a give-and-take between these two generations that is missing when middle-aged people are inserted into the equation. We take things so seriously and those two groups don't. When a student shows up with purple hair and a Grateful Dead T-shirt, our inclination is to send him home, but the residents get a kick out of it." - Kathy Newman

Kathy's the leader of a program which connects at-risk youth in elementary school with senior citizens. What infects us between childhood and our golden years... responsibility? A sense that we are called to be perfect or highly significant, more so than a view from the heavens would ever suggest?

Winning The Blame Game By Not Playing

"I can teach proactivity until I am blue in the face, but we are a blame society. It is everywhere and it is deep. If you can begin chipping away at that, it makes my job in the classroom a lot easier. The 7 Habits training teaches that you have to change yourself first before you can change others, and I tell my students if they follow this philosophy their lives will change for the better." - Pat Shagdai, eighth grade science teacher

The best example I've seen this year comes from baseball pitcher Armando Galarraga, who pitched a perfect game - retiring all 27 batters he faced - something less than two dozen men have done in history.

Except that the first base umpire didn't agree about that 27th guy. In a mistake clear from the video replay, he called the runner safe on a close play.

So what did these children of society do?

Well the umpire, he apologized about a dozen times. And the pitcher... read on from the Detroit media:

"Armando Galarraga was handling his brush with infamy as professionally and admirably as he did the evening before.
Galarraga, who saw his perfect game foiled by an admitted blown call by umpire Jim Joyce, said Thursday he doesn't blame Joyce and is ready to move on.

"I thought he made a mistake, (but) nobody's perfect," said Galarraga, who spoke with Joyce after Wednesday's game. "He said, 'Sorry, I'm sorry,' about three times, and I don't blame the guy."

"Nobody is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. I'm sure he didn't want to (miss) a call. When you see a guy like that last night, he felt really bad. The guy is a professional, he's been umpiring for 21 years, for a long time. You move the page."

Galarraga isn't all that mad, but knows fans are. Tigers fans have bombarded newspaper forums and talk shows about Joyce's costly ninth-inning miscue.

"They're mad," Galarraga said of Tigers fans.

Much has been made nationally about the gracious way Galarraga has handled the situation, although he isn't sure why he's getting the attention.

"I believe a lot of guys would do the same thing, I do," Galarraga said. "It's a game. You don't want to get all crazy about it, be in his face.

"The guy (Joyce) apologized right away and he felt really bad."

Galarraga said he wouldn't mind if commissioner Bud Selig overruled the call, although Galarraga won't contact Selig personally.

"Yeah, I'd love it," Galarraga said. "I don't want to make it that big of a deal. The important thing in my heart, I know I'm perfect (in that game). In my mind and heart, and everybody, all you guys saw, I threw a perfect game."

Galarraga said his parents, family and friends back in Venezuela joined the game in progress in the seventh inning when networks there broke in with coverage.

Galarraga contacted his father after the game, who told him "something like, 'Son, I'm proud of you and I know you threw a perfect game. Make sure to keep the ball and the CD (of the game).'

"I have it (the ball) in my locker."

The initial reaction from many fans, and even some analysts nationally, was for baseball to institute instant replay on close calls, similar to other sports.

But Galarraga wasn't sure that would be a good idea.

"I don't know about that," Galarraga said. "Baseball is a slow game and that's why it's so hard. That kind of play, we're humans, we make mistakes."