Apologizing Your Way To Success

"If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically." - Carnegie

I know little about foreign countries, but I have come to believe that America must be internationally competitive both in its power to condemn and its power to forgive.

There's a familiar arc for famous athletes like Kobe Bryant, scorned during an accused rape trial, and these days restored to his near-Jordan eliteness. Or Lebron James, a pariah when he deserted Cleveland for Miami, and now lauded for his homecoming.

Then there's Tiger Woods, whose domestic incidents seem to never have quite fully healed, in part because his game continues to lag his previous standards. Or Alex Rodriguez, the once-golden boy now an easy target by the press.

I think a key difference is the humility, the selflessness that each athlete has achieved over time. And few things go as far in this department as earnestly apologizing for your mistakes. Those who do it well recover. Those who don't...

As a side note, I do find that in my circles (and in particular around the students I teach) the phrase "I'm sorry" has been replaced with "My bad." There's a subtle difference there - the first conveying remorse, the second admitting an error. The first, to use Carnegie's word, is a bit more emphatic (or at least more empathetic).

Humility is the foundation of trust. Mistakes are a foundation of humanity. Apologizing is a universal bridge to get from the latter to the former.

4 Things You Should Know About Conflict

By Sam Lewis:

For most of my career I have been either an HR manager in a factory or a factory manager or the VP of Engineering. Now I own a staffing agency. I interact daily with my clients, businesses, and with our employees. I see my current job as sales but the overall function is relationship building. Because people will not do business with someone they don't like and cannot trust. Every day of my career and life, there have been conflicts needing to be addressed. And after all of these years and all these conflicts here is what I have learned.

1.

Conflict is necessary. We are involved in it to varying degrees every day. Not all conflicts are the same. It is important to learn this. Categories of conflict exist and how you handle them varies.

• There is the category of issues as light weight as agreeing on the right place to do lunch. You want BBQ, I want Chinese. Maybe on a little higher level, I need you to stay over tonight and you have a tee time after work. I look at these as binary issues, a simple yes or no resolves it. However if it reoccurs, if they become chronic, there might be a deeper problem.
• That problem may be the category of miss matched expectations. Your expectations are not the same as my expectations. We may have different by-in levels. This category can cause some serious heartburn. For example, you feel you have succeeded in preforming you job over and above what is required while I feel like you are barely making the grade. That’s a real problem. This one does not get resolved with a simple yes or no decision. Expectations need to be defined, communicated, and measured.
• Then there is the special category of emotional conflict that is most difficult to resolve. Often they are never resolved. For example, you cannot fix a clash of personalities. It is as if the genetic makeup of these two people does not allow them to like each other. You are never going to get them to like each other. You have to learn other work-a-rounds. Maybe one of the two needs to get a different seat on the bus or get off the bus altogether.

2.

For most types of conflict, it is important to remember there are often multiple ways of resolving it and to that end, defining what the conflict really is is key. Conflicts can be puzzles. There are many ways to solve them and your job is to learn all the pieces and how they fit together. Ask a lot of questions. How many times I have screwed this up? Lots. I thought the conflict I was working through was this when it turned out to be that.

3.

You have to learn to accept that not all conflict gets resolved. You have to get comfortable with ambiguity. As I said, sometimes you have to accept a common, albeit uneasy, peace.

4.

You don't have to learn to love conflict. But you have to learn to handle it. Conflict is not a bad word. It is necessary part of life. For example, anytime we are sitting at a sporting event, we are watching humans in conflict. That can be enjoyable, particularly if you team is winning.

Not all but most new managers share a tendency to want to avoid conflict. Some do so at all costs. I guess we all want to be loved by everybody. So we don’t want to risk pissing off anyone with a decision we’ve made. However, I can make this prediction: If you don’t learn to deal with conflict, if you don’t develop tools to deal with the various types of conflicts, your career as manager or leader will be short lived.

Daniel Goleman tells us over and over again in his books, having the tools to deal with and resolve conflicts show high Emotional Quotient and this is a great predictor of success.

Baseball Proposes Rules To Speed Up The Game

MLB's recently formed Pace of Game Committee acted quickly to activate six initiatives it thinks could speed up baseball games in the near future. They'll be tested during the six-week Arizona Fall League, which begins Oct. 7.

The committee — announced last week by Commissioner Bud Selig after the average MLB game topped three hours for the first time ever — couldn't sit on its hands in this matter, lest we all laugh at the irony. 

The six experimental rules range from "incremental to dramatic," according to Selig. Here they are, with descriptions directly from MLB:

• Batter’s Box Rule: The batter shall keep at least one foot in the batter’s box throughout his at-bat, unless one of a series of established exceptions occurs, in which case the batter may leave the batter’s box but not the dirt area surrounding home plate. (Exceptions include a foul ball or a foul tip; a pitch forcing the batter out of the batter’s box; “time” being requested and granted; a wild pitch or a passed ball; and several others.)

• No-Pitch Intentional Walks: In the event a team decides to intentionally walk a batter, no pitches shall be thrown. Instead, the manager shall signal to the home plate umpire with four fingers, and the batter should proceed to first base to become a runner.

• 2:05 Inning Break Clock: There shall be a maximum 2:05 break between innings. Hitters must enter the batter’s box by the 1:45 mark. When batters violate this rule, the Umpire may call an automatic strike.  When batters are set by the appropriate time and pitchers fail to throw a pitch before the conclusion of the 2:05 period, the Umpire shall call a ball. 

• 2:30 Pitching Change Break Clock: There shall be a maximum 2:30 break for pitching changes, including pitching changes that occur during an inning break. The first pitch must be thrown before the conclusion of the 2:30 period or the umpire shall call a ball. The clock shall start when the new pitcher enters the playing field (i.e., crosses the warning track, or foul line).

• Three “Time Out” Limit: Each team shall be permitted only three “Time Out” conferences per game (including extra innings). Such conferences shall include player conferences with the pitcher (including the catcher), manager or coach conferences with the pitcher, and coach conferences with a batter.  Conferences during pitching changes, and time outs called as a result of an injury or other emergency, shall not be counted towards this limit. A manager, coach or player will not be permitted to call a fourth time out in violation of this Rule. In such cases, the game will continue uninterrupted, and offenders may be subject to discipline.

This last one is quite a mouthful. You ready? 

• 20-Second Rule [at 17 Salt River Fields home games]: A modified version of Rule 8.04, which discourages unnecessary delays by the pitcher, shall apply.  Rule 8.04 requires the pitcher to deliver the ball to the batter within 12 seconds after he receives the ball with the bases unoccupied.  The penalty prescribed by Rule 8.04 for a pitcher’s violation of the Rule is that the umpire shall call “Ball.” 

In the AFL games at Salt River, a clock will be displayed in both dugouts, behind home plate, and in the outfield.  The clock will be operated by an independent operator, who is not a member of the umpire crew.  A pitcher shall be allowed 20 seconds to throw each pitch.  The batter must be in the box prepared for the pitch during the entire 20-second period.  If the batter steps out of the box during the 20-second period, the pitcher may deliver the pitch and the umpire may call a strike, unless the batter was first granted time by the umpire.  As described in Rule 6.02(b) Comment, umpires may grant a hitter’s reasonable request for “Time” under appropriate circumstances.

The 20-second clock shall begin when the pitcher is in possession of the ball, regardless of whether the batter is in the box or otherwise alert to the pitcher; provided, however, that (1) with respect to the first pitch to each batter, the clock shall begin when the batter is in the box, alert to the pitcher, (2) with respect to a pitch to a batter following a play in which the pitcher was involved as a fielder (including backing up throws), the clock shall begin when the batter is in the box, alert to the pitcher, and the pitcher has entered the dirt circle to approach the pitcher’s plate to begin pitching to the batter, and (3) after a hitter fouls off a pitch, the clock shall begin when the umpire points to the pitcher and says “Play.”  Please note that the Official Baseball Rules governing quick pitches still apply.

The clock will stop only when the pitcher begins his motion to deliver the ball (and not “when the pitcher releases the ball” as prescribed in Rule 8.04).  Beginning the motion of coming to the set position shall be sufficient to stop the clock.  If the pitcher maintains possession of the ball without beginning his pitching motion for more than 20 seconds, the Umpire shall call “Ball.”  The umpire shall give the pitcher a reasonable opportunity to take his proper position on the pitcher’s plate after the umpire has called a ball and before the umpire calls a successive ball pursuant to this Rule. 

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(Getty Images)

Much of this seems based on rule changes that had great success this season in the independent Atlantic League. The Atlantic League was able to shave eight minutes off average game times by making five changes: a 12-second pitch clock, automatic intentional walks, an expanded strike zone, six warm-up pitches for relievers instead of eight and limiting defensive timeouts to three.

MLB also tested out its video replay system during last year's Arizona Fall League. So far, it seems like MLB is approaching its speed-up-the-game initiatives a lot like it did video replay last year. Braves president John Schuerholz chaired both committees. 

Improbable Royals Rally Means Fan Gets Puppy

Katie Castan will get her puppy, but she's waiting until after the playoffs to adopt.

Castan was the Kansas City Royals fan spotted by TBS cameras in the middle of the fifth inning of Tuesday's wild card game between the Oakland A's and Royals holding a sign saying the man she was with would buy her a puppy if the Royals won.

When we went to look for her in the 10th inning of Tuesday night's game, we found her section, but the fans around her said she left. While Castan and her boyfriend had left their seats, they hadn't left the ballpark. Castan emailed us after the game was over with a picture from the outfield concourse. The two had moved to the fountain area in the seventh inning for another beverage and to try to spark the Royals.

It worked, as the Royals came back with four runs in the eighth and ninth innings to tie a game they eventually won 9-8 in 12 innings. Castan sent us this picture of the two with the sign and their rally caps on during the game.

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The win meant that, sure enough, Castan was getting a puppy. But how did the stakes come about? It might have been a ploy by Castan's boyfriend to keep her watching.

"My boyfriend Joe [Onofrio] made the bet with me in the middle of the summer - we were sitting on the couch and I think I was frustrated with the Royals (they were struggling around the end of June) and wanted to change the channel," Castan said in an email to Yahoo Sports. "He basically said if we won the division or made it past the wild card game, and if I paid attention to the games when we watched and could name at least 10 players on the team by the end of the year, he'd get me a puppy. I think it was his way of keeping me watching the games ... but I just really wanted that puppy!"

While Castan had a picture of a Corgi wearing a crown on her sign and she really likes the breed, she says the couple will likely adopt a small dog from K.C. Pet Project, a local animal shelter after the playoffs conclude. She doesn't want to miss any Royals games.

5 Tips For Millenials Working With Baby Boomers

[Hidden Blog note: As a Gen Xer, I can add some unbiased comments along the way.]

“Boomers are so bitter,” said one millennial whom I interviewed for my book about inter-generational workplaces.

As a Boomer, I bit my tongue, and did my best to listen loudly to what she described as the dynamic in her workplace. And then in my next interview I heard the same thing, and in the next one, and the next one. In the end it became clear that as many questions Boomers have about how to work with Millennials,
Millennials have about working with Boomers.

Millennials, you have a lot to offer, but you aren't always helping yourselves to get heard, here are 5 tips to breaking through to your seemingly “bitter” boomer colleagues: 

2. Do it Their Way Before you fix it. You, no doubt, have many ideas about how to improve the work and/or the work process, and your ideas CAN make a big positive difference for everyone on your team. However, your Boomer colleagues may have done these things the same way for years without looking for how new techniques or technology could improve their processes. Instead of jumping in before you've even started, do the work their way BEFORE you change anything. Once you've got their way down, ask if you could suggest a different way to get to the same result and offer to go step by step with them to make sure you’re not missing anything. By asking to go step-by-step you are showing that you respect their process and want to make sure you’re not compromising the work (there may be a reason that steps 4-12 exist that you might not know).

[Here's another reason they may object: When they were younger, they may have tried the same things that you are. "There's nothing new under the sun" is a phrase that can be false, but I have wasted time trying out "new" ideas before finding out that someone else had already discovered its pitfalls. When an idea forms in your mind, you might ask your Boomer co-worker if something like this had ever been tried before and what happened. Although it may have failed before, the idea still might be viable, but by learning what went wrong the last time from the Boomer, you are effectively partnering up on the improvement adventure to tinker toward a better solution. I think that a lot of bitterness in this area isn't so much from lack of an open mind, and it's also not specific to Boomers but to anyone with more experience. There's a natural skepticism about work ethic toward someone who fails to thoroughly research the risks/obstacles (such as by asking those who've lived it) before they launch something. Especially since many new ideas are meant to save time, which is an outstanding business result but also possibly a symptom of a lazy person; that's why your approach to the idea with your co-workers is so vital toward establishing the difference. There's also a skepticism toward the ego of someone who tries to come up with an idea on their own instead of teaming up with co-workers. Both of these nits can easily be solved by just including the Boomer (or any co-worker) in the development conversation. It's okay to disagree with them, and yes there can definitely be a laziness on the other side of the coin too, if the Boomer won't take the time to learn any new technology involved... but tackle problems humbly, and as a group, whenever possible. This implicitly acknowledges that you don't have all the answers - which is obviously true anyway - and gains respect with those who have more experience. In the long run, it's this type of influence that leverages career success!] 

2. Ask for the unsaid specifics. Boomers don’t always tell you everything you need to know. We grew up in our careers with a lot of the same concepts simply understood, and never spoken. So you might be told “I need this tomorrow,” but then when you deliver it the next day, be told you were late. So when someone says “tomorrow” or “later” or “by the end of the week,” it’s on you to ask “what time tomorrow?” “by when?” or “when are you leaving on Friday so I can get it to you before then.” 

[Guilty again. A boss of mine asked me if I could finish it by tomorrow; I got close to finished and planned to wrap it up the following morning; he needed it by 8am! So yeah, ask for specifics.]

3. “Draft” doesn't actually mean “Draft.” To a Boomer, “draft” means ready for distribution in case they can’t look at it. And that means, detailed and well written, correct format (don’t know? Ask) and no typos. Trust me.

[I didn't know that draft meant it could be distributed, I thought it meant "do not distribute, it hasn't been approved yet." Glad that didn't bite me. Although I'd say that "draft" still means perfect grammar, detail, all the things it says here... if you're a professional you're not going to show a lazy unpolished side are you?]  

4. A little old style respect goes a long way. Boomers and Xers are used to a hierarchy that’s foreign to most of their younger colleagues. We weren’t friends with our friends’ parents. We may have called our first bosses Mr. Smith or Ms. Brown, not by their first names. So just blurting out your thoughts about the office or the industry to your boss’s boss’s boss may just result in a deer-in-the-headlights response that doesn't yield the result you intend. So figure out how to be heard in your organization before you ask for time with the CEO. What are the ways or protocol your office has to communicate and provide input? Paying attention to this will make your ideas heard much more loudly and with more respect and impact than sticking out like a sore thumb by acting out of character for your office.

[Don't lump me in with the "clinging to hierarchy" crowd! I find that I'm more comfortable being called "Joe" than my students sometimes, who'd rather call me "Mr. McDonald." But the advice here is good not just in the office but anywhere: understand the culture you're in so that you can follow the rules.]   

5. Find a Boomer mentor who can help you translate. If your company has a mentorship program, get in it once you have the lay of the land, so you have someone in the company who can help translate and advocate for you. Read more here about setting up a productive mentorship. If you don’t have someone in the company you can ask, find someone you trust outside of the company (not at a competitor or media company for conflict reasons).

[Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes! Mentors are fountains of valuable, time-saving information and wisdom. Find one, or a bunch, and use them.]

This may seem like these are extra steps, sometimes though it’s up to you to figure out how best to contribute so you can be heard by your older colleagues. Follow these tips and I think you’ll find yourself less frustrated and making a bigger impact in the workplace.

Cupcake's 1st Birthday!

Happy birthday to our little Cupcake. Cuppie's first year has us loving what the next several will bring!

Hit The Sack To Get Slimmer

And do it on time. Women who went to bed and woke up at about the same hour each day had lower body fat than women with more erratic schedules, says a new study from Brigham Young University. 

Why?

“Sticking to a routine can help you consistently get the right amount of sleep,” explains study author Bruce Bailey, PhD. 

Previous studies show that too little sleep can alter hunger hormones while too many z’s may signal depression (which has been linked to weight gain) or mean you’re active for less time overall. Some tips for getting into a groove:

ZEN OUT INSTEAD OF SLEEPING IN

Snoozing later than usual only makes it harder to get to bed on time that night. Better to indulge in some morning meditation: it’ll be even more refreshing than the extra sleep.

BE REAL

Don’t promise yourself a 9 p.m. weekday bedtime when you regularly stay up– later on weekends. Tell yourself 10:30 p.m. and you’ll be more likely to adhere to it.

MAKE TWO TO-DO LISTS

In the morning, write what you have to get done that day, then separately note which items listed can wait if needed. This way, come evening, the pressure of an unfinished list won’t keep you up.