I'll Take Some Pain, Hold The Suffering Please

"In Eastern philosophy, pain and suffering are two very different things. Pain is the inevitable hardships of life, and suffering is the avoidable negative narrative we add on top of that. Losing your job is pain -- telling yourself that this means you're a failure is suffering. Ending a relationship is pain -- interpreting this to mean that you'll never meet anyone again is suffering. You can't eliminate pain, but you can end suffering."

I love this concept. Inescapably we will meet pain physically or emotionally. Winners accept pain and move on. Losers suffer. I've suffered too much; to attain a casual relationship with pain would be a great step forward.

Learning From The Critics

"Just as difficult circumstances can be opportunities for growth, so can interactions with difficult people. Imagine that any difficult person you encounter is actually the Buddha in disguise, put there to teach you a specific lesson about life or about yourself. What do you think the universe is trying to teach you?"

Although I dislike conflict as much as anyone else, these do tend to be moments that stick clearly in my mind. They can be sources of self-loathing. Or they can be sources of self-teaching. I learned long ago that among my talents is not to respond with a lot of words when being criticized. In many cases, looking back, a simple "thank you" would have been almost all that I needed to say. Then I can reflect later with a more relaxed point of view and sort out the upside of what happened.

11 Championship Killers - In Sports And In Life

By Alan Stein:

The wait is over! Basketball season is officially here.  The NBA season kicks off tonight, college programs started practice earlier this month and most high schools will hold try-outs in November.

Man, this is my favorite time of year!

When the season first starts, every team is in the championship hunt.  Every team sets their eyes on the final prize – winning a championship and being crowned #1.

Legendary Hall of Fame football coach Bill Parcells once said, ‘In order to win, you have to figure out what makes you lose.’

That is a powerful concept.

So before you can win a championship, you need to figure out what will prevent that from happening.

Here are 11 Championship Killers:

1. Entitlement: Players don’t feel they need to earn a championship. They think it will happen automatically based on tradition or last year’s success.
2. Arrogance: Similar to entitlement, players don’t think losing is even possible. They lack respect for their opponent and for the game itself.
3. Selfishness: Players think ‘me’ and not ‘we.’  They are more concerned with individual stats than with winning.
4. Complacency: Players think ‘good enough’ is good enough. It isn’t.
5. Lack of Confidence: Too much confidence (see #2) is a major problem. But so is a lack of confidence.  You have to believe you can win it all.
6. Lack of Effort: This one better be obvious.
7. Lack of Trust: Players need to trust coaches. Coaches need to trust players. Lack of trust on either side will create dysfunction and dissention and cause the entire ball of yarn to unwind.
8. Lack of Conditioning: It is a long season.  If players run out of gas mid-way through, they can’t finish the race!
9. Lack of Commitment: Winning a championship requires commitment on and off the court. Staying up late on your computer the night before a game or getting in academic trouble shows a severe lack of commitment.
10. Lack of Leadership: Coaches can’t be the only leaders on the team. Period.
11. Lack of Role Acceptance: Basketball is a team game.  Every player on the team, from the leading scorer to the last player on the bench, has a specific role.  To win a championship, every player on the team must know, accept and take pride in their role.

Integrating Mindfulness Into Daily Life

"Being mindful doesn't mean you need to spend hours a day meditating -- you just need to pay attention. We think we don't have the time, but it doesn't need to take any extra time. Practice paying attention when you're engaged in daily activities. When you're washing the dishes, wash the dishes, and try not to let your mind wander to the past or future. When you're eating, eat. When you're walking, walk, and pay attention to the ground under each step."

Though I don't do this myself - the planner in me takes over and I tend to multi-task during mundane activities - I would imagine that it is excellent for clearing the mind.

Washing Anxiety Away: The Week In Thanks

This morning I woke up with 15 minutes to get prepped and over to church, so I couldn't loosen up the vocal chords and hydrate the way I usually do. I'd fallen asleep at 4:00 a.m. The words to the songs were missing from the bulletin. Midway through rehearsal we were told by an outside party that an extra song was going to be inserted into our set. Then I was asked about volunteering a Saturday to serve at a retreat. Since (as far as I can tell) I was born adverse to change and with a cranky-meter that's fueled by tiredness, it was a blood-pressure-raising 15 minutes. What I'm thankful for is that I was self-aware in that moment. I could identify my stress and stressors. I knew it would pass, as long as I could stay quiet through it. In the long run, inner outbursts over such trivial things are silly wastes of adrenaline that plaque arteries for no good reason. There are strategies, habits that can help prevent them. I've been blessed with enough life experience and with it, a small dose of wisdom, to benefit from it. Well before the end of the hour, I was back to normal.

What is normal? I had the unexpected privilege of entering into a long conversation with a Leadership McLean County class member who has the ambition and personality of a future mayor. I mostly just sat and listened as she talked about a new job change, about her philosophy and dreams, and how she was "on cloud nine." It was humbling to be in the presence of someone so bursting with energy, and a reminder about how good God can be in anyone's life, including to open her eyes to new possibilities and boldness to make the job change. It reminded me more than a little bit of my own decision to follow my calling rather than money. It reminded me of what unbridled enthusiasm and passion looked like. It was an unexpected, impromptu gift. This is one of the memories that should arise brightly whenever I am faced with uncertainty in a situation like at church this morning. No fear, or its ugly anger by-product, can withstand a flood of gratefulness, rightly channeled.

Dena got home from a fantastic walk as I ended that last paragraph. She was fired up about the beautiful weather, heading out to sit on the patio with a hot drink in hand to enjoy the crisp autumn day. She was also ready to talk about some happy things on her mind... meaning that my goal of finishing this post before my 2:00 p.m. tutoring appointment was going to fail. It also meant that I arrived late for that appointment by a few minutes. You know what, I'm a lucky guy that my biggest "failure" of the day was having a wife in such a good mood and eager to share it with me that a couple of things had to wait. There again, inflexibility and anxiety over the illusion of control will cripple, and gratitude heals.

I'm up to ten tutoring students. The other day I was approached by a young professional interested in tutoring math, asking if I could mentor him about my business. Hidden Bloggers know that I got my start this year by doing the same thing; an experienced professional tutor shared his experience with me. It's a great opportunity to pay it forward. Meanwhile, I've been looking for some new branded apparel like polo shirts and sweatshirts for the winter. One of my students asked me if I'd mind taking an hour on Saturday to teach him how to shoot basketballs since he likes the game but hasn't had much tutoring. Yet another chance to pay forward the skills that have been shared with my by the Normal Community High School coaching staff.

I got to hear one of my favorite speakers give a presentation this week. I think coroner Beth Kimmerling is the best coroner in the nation, and it would be very hard for you to sway me otherwise. Her job is a mix of science and compassion so she has to wear many hats. She insists on personally delivering news to next of kin after someone has died. She worked to implement an ethics code for her profession. She takes on the hard jobs with a strong sense of commitment. These are the kind of people who reinforce what it means to be a success.

Now that the evenings are darker by the time change, we can give thanks for the extra hour of sleep and remember... only six weeks until the days start getting longer again.

May the new week bring peace and love, riding high on a sea of personal gratitude!

Success Is Not An Accident - Stephen Curry

Turning Straw Into Gold

"Our deepest suffering is often our greatest opportunity to learn about ourselves and take action to be better people. Working through suffering is how you learn to be patient, humble, and grateful. And developing strength in the face of painful circumstances teaches you that you don't need to fear the natural ups and downs of life, and instead can face whatever comes your way with inner calm and peace."

The other day I found myself deliberately accelerating to prevent a car from pulling ahead of me on the road. In that moment my instinct was entirely selfish, fighting for an almost completely insignificant cause to save a couple milliseconds of time. From where does this instinct come? How do I develop myself to handle it more maturely in the future? Though the incident was far from "suffering," the challenge is to self-reflect before it leads to something greater.

Patience, humility, gratefulness... the building blocks of peace. The calm upon life's ripples.