Have a conversation with a friend using only questions; in other words, you must answer a question with a question. This is a terrific way to hone your conversation skills.
On another day, whenever you are asked a question, answer it with a question. If you blow it, don't worry; no one will know.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Exercise: The Hunt For Common Ground
For one morning, practice finding common ground with strangers or people you hardly know. Try to find it in less than sixty seconds. Throughout the afternoon, do it in less than thirty seconds.
Ask questions that send a person strainght into his or her imagination. These don't have to be odd or unusual. They simply can't be closed-ended, like "Have you been here before?" Rather ask "What do you think about this convention space?" We call them trance questions because for a split second people glaze over as they go looking for an answer. A funny thing happens to many folks when they go into their imagination at your request: There's a kind of intimacy that happens. It's as though they think you can see, hear, feel, taste and smell the same things they can inside their mind. Ask someone about the last really funny movie they saw and watch their expression and demeanor change.
Actively listen and observe how others find common ground. Collect your own supply of questions. You can't use the same questions for everyone, because we all have differing sensibilities, but you'd be surprised at how many people you can reach with no more than three or four good questions.
Ask questions that send a person strainght into his or her imagination. These don't have to be odd or unusual. They simply can't be closed-ended, like "Have you been here before?" Rather ask "What do you think about this convention space?" We call them trance questions because for a split second people glaze over as they go looking for an answer. A funny thing happens to many folks when they go into their imagination at your request: There's a kind of intimacy that happens. It's as though they think you can see, hear, feel, taste and smell the same things they can inside their mind. Ask someone about the last really funny movie they saw and watch their expression and demeanor change.
Actively listen and observe how others find common ground. Collect your own supply of questions. You can't use the same questions for everyone, because we all have differing sensibilities, but you'd be surprised at how many people you can reach with no more than three or four good questions.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Networking Introductions
1. Use the 3-second rule. Deep breath, count to three, and adopt a great attitude - curious, enthusiastic, calm, etc. When you see someone you want to talk to, say 1, 2, 3 and walk over without hesitating. Don't give your brain time to take over and come up with excuses. Seize the moment and approach calmly.
2. Say something. A casual statement about the city or weather or general item. Then an open question beginning with who, what, where, when or how... selecting a topic that directs attention away from the two of you. "Do you know anything about this company?" Use a prop if needed.
3. Build trust quickly. Link yourself to the event by talking about your work, school or community involvement - something local and reliable. You might say "My office is in Montreal, and I come here almost every year."
4. Hunt for common ground. Be on the lookout for opportunities to say "Me, too" or "What a coincidence" or "Funny you should say that." Of course, be honest and sincere.
5. Evaluate. After 20 seconds you should know if a person is interested in talking. If it's not going well, politely exit the conversation and don't be discouraged. Be fearless and calm, and detach yourself from the outcome.
6. Synchronize. If you feel a connection, escalate the intensity by subtly mirroring the person's overall body position and voice (tone, speed, volume).
7. Engage. If it's been 2 minutes, take the encounter where you want, or ask for a phone number or e-mail address. Or indirectly, pick up on something you've been talking about and offer to send a link or some info if they will share an e-mail address (or LinkedIn). If your request is rejected, then say politely, "It was nice chatting with you," and go about your business with your confidence intact.
2. Say something. A casual statement about the city or weather or general item. Then an open question beginning with who, what, where, when or how... selecting a topic that directs attention away from the two of you. "Do you know anything about this company?" Use a prop if needed.
3. Build trust quickly. Link yourself to the event by talking about your work, school or community involvement - something local and reliable. You might say "My office is in Montreal, and I come here almost every year."
4. Hunt for common ground. Be on the lookout for opportunities to say "Me, too" or "What a coincidence" or "Funny you should say that." Of course, be honest and sincere.
5. Evaluate. After 20 seconds you should know if a person is interested in talking. If it's not going well, politely exit the conversation and don't be discouraged. Be fearless and calm, and detach yourself from the outcome.
6. Synchronize. If you feel a connection, escalate the intensity by subtly mirroring the person's overall body position and voice (tone, speed, volume).
7. Engage. If it's been 2 minutes, take the encounter where you want, or ask for a phone number or e-mail address. Or indirectly, pick up on something you've been talking about and offer to send a link or some info if they will share an e-mail address (or LinkedIn). If your request is rejected, then say politely, "It was nice chatting with you," and go about your business with your confidence intact.
5 Part Greeting
No matter how many times you've met, this approach to greeting will help: Open, Eye, Smile, Speak, Synch
1. Open. Open your attitude and body. You must already have adopted a useful attitude. Make sure nothing is covering your chest - hands, arms, clipboards. Make sure your hands are visible, a counter to the unconscious fight-or-flight response to hidden things.
2. Eye. Be the first to make eye contact. Immediately make a mental note of the color of the person's eyes.
3. Smile. Be the first to smile. It radiates confidence, honesty, and enthusiasm.
4. Speak. Whether Hey, Hi, or Hello, greet the person with a pleasant tone. If meeting for the first time, get your name in first: "Hello, I'm Joe" - take the lead. Don't let the handshake distract you.
5. Synch. Immediately synchronize with the person's body language and voice characteristics.
1. Open. Open your attitude and body. You must already have adopted a useful attitude. Make sure nothing is covering your chest - hands, arms, clipboards. Make sure your hands are visible, a counter to the unconscious fight-or-flight response to hidden things.
2. Eye. Be the first to make eye contact. Immediately make a mental note of the color of the person's eyes.
3. Smile. Be the first to smile. It radiates confidence, honesty, and enthusiasm.
4. Speak. Whether Hey, Hi, or Hello, greet the person with a pleasant tone. If meeting for the first time, get your name in first: "Hello, I'm Joe" - take the lead. Don't let the handshake distract you.
5. Synch. Immediately synchronize with the person's body language and voice characteristics.
Approachability/Authority Scale
Being authoritative or approachable are the North/South Poles of first impressions. What people see first is your attitude. What they see immediately after that is how you put yourself together, your style. Together, these are your unspoken credentials.
Think of a sliding scale of work attire between blue jeans (the pants of the people) to expensive, custom-made suits (the togs of the toffs) at the other.
In my tutoring business I tend to go for approachability when I meet with students. Hooded sweatshirts, sweatpants, gym shoes are the norm. However, the sweatshirt bears my professionally designed logo, the hair and nails neatly trimmed. Then I accessorize with a professional-grade computer bag over my shoulder and a firm handshake when we first meet.
As they say, Dress so you feel at the top of your game, in a way that makes you feel you can conquer the world.
As they say, Dress so you feel at the top of your game, in a way that makes you feel you can conquer the world.
The Pub Approach To Business Introductions
This approach has three parts, as part of delivering a sort of 30-second commercial.
1. You know how... e.g. "You know how so many students struggle with math?"
2. Well we/I... "Well I help students build comfort and confidence..."
3. So they can... "So that they can raise their grade."
1. You know how... e.g. "You know how so many students struggle with math?"
2. Well we/I... "Well I help students build comfort and confidence..."
3. So they can... "So that they can raise their grade."
Opie Explains His Fortune
"We view the world differently, but we arrive at the same conclusions. Our lives are so different. That's one of the interesting things about the partnership. It's built upon this shared sense of what we want to accomplish together, and what we have in common." - Ron Howard, about his partnership with Brian Grazer
One's a laid-back former child star who roams about in jeans and a ball cap, the other is nattily dressed in suits and trendy hairstyles. Together they've produced blockbuster results in the entertainment industry, sharing the profits 50/50. It gives hope and proves another example of how misleading the cover of a book can be... the contents inside may be the key to your happiness.
One's a laid-back former child star who roams about in jeans and a ball cap, the other is nattily dressed in suits and trendy hairstyles. Together they've produced blockbuster results in the entertainment industry, sharing the profits 50/50. It gives hope and proves another example of how misleading the cover of a book can be... the contents inside may be the key to your happiness.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)