It's been a year since I wrote an original song. They usually appear out of nowhere, the first verse or chorus a seed that sprouts up in my mind at odd times. In this case, it was late one night when my brain was in one of its misbehaving fits. Ever have one of those? It spins from one thought to another, a series of often small issues that seem monumental while tired and pretty much unable to do anything about it.
TERRORS OF THE NIGHT
Joe McDonald, June 2009
A
It was dark, but my eyes searched the blackness.
D
It was quiet, but my mind still roared with worry.
A
The problems tumbling through my head
Lying here in bed,
E
So paralyzed where sleep has turned to dread.
CHORUS
A
But the terrors of the night
D
Will break against the day
A
The terrors of the night
E
Unless I let them stay.
A
For we are meant to be as one
D
Who wins beneath the sun,
A E
So I will turn my mind and slip away
A
From the terrors of the night.
What she said, what he did, or they didn't.
D
Does it matter what they'll say or what they'll do?
A D
I will act, I will speak, or do nothing.
Bm E
I'll make mistakes and still I will pull through.
A
I may lose money or home or health or occupation.
D
I may lose family, or friends or rights or good reputation.
A D
But love and persistence will be the way to salvation.
Bm E
It just seems so far away as I lie here.
(Chorus twice)
OUTRO
A
Every day, in every way, things are better and better.
D
Every day, in every way, things are better and better.
(Repeat OUTRO and fade)
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The Body's A Machine
"If you always quit when you are merely tired, you will never gain. Once you let the body tell the mind when to quit, you are whipped for sure. You cannot gain by listening to the body. We can become much stronger if we drive the body. We use about one-tenth of the available strength of our bodies and less than that of our minds!" - George Patton
I've continued to lift weights three days a week after vacation. It's paid off some, as I'm wrist curling 45 pounds (up from 30) and bench pressing 130 (up from 115) after six months. Sometimes I notice my mind tiring and my body following suit shortly after. The mind effectively poisons the body's confidence that way. One thing that's been effective is to fix my mind on the thought that it's floating separately from the body, watching a machine pump iron the same way that I might regard a car while driving up to my Mom's.
More recently, the sweltering 90 degree heat this past week batters a body, but while others complained I made up my mind to ignore it and just accept the sweat pouring as if it was some gentle rain.
I've continued to lift weights three days a week after vacation. It's paid off some, as I'm wrist curling 45 pounds (up from 30) and bench pressing 130 (up from 115) after six months. Sometimes I notice my mind tiring and my body following suit shortly after. The mind effectively poisons the body's confidence that way. One thing that's been effective is to fix my mind on the thought that it's floating separately from the body, watching a machine pump iron the same way that I might regard a car while driving up to my Mom's.
More recently, the sweltering 90 degree heat this past week batters a body, but while others complained I made up my mind to ignore it and just accept the sweat pouring as if it was some gentle rain.
Maybe He Should Have Called Phoned A Friend
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. "I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"
Serving Someone Serves Yourself
Despite the stress involved, men and women who put in the most time taking care of a spouse cut their own risk of dying by 36 percent over a seven year period, researchere a the University of Michigan ini Ann Arbor found. Aiding a loves one may release the "bonding" hormone oxytocin, countering cortisol, a stress hormone that can raise blood pressure and interfere with regulation of the immune system, the scientists speculate.
Friday, June 26, 2009
From Fear To Freedom
"You can manage fear in yourself and those you lead by doing as much as possible to eliminate the unknown." - Alan Axelrod
"I am free when I am within myself." - Georg William Friedrick Hegel
"I am free when I am within myself." - Georg William Friedrick Hegel
Making Each Other Better
"We believe that marriage is, above all else, about making each other better." - Mike Krzyzewski
Fortunately, being with Dena has taught me lots through her actions about being all the things that love is: patient, kind, slow to anger, not jealous, rude or boastful. Now if I can just apply what I learn!
Fortunately, being with Dena has taught me lots through her actions about being all the things that love is: patient, kind, slow to anger, not jealous, rude or boastful. Now if I can just apply what I learn!
How To Win In Every Game
Patton's wife, Beatrice, found her husband kneeling in prayer before a polo match. Afterward she asked what he'd been praying for. 'For help in the game,' he replied. 'Were you praying for a win?' she inquired. 'Hell no,' he said. 'I was praying to do my best.'
I think that the steadiest victory in sports is victory over ourselves. When we conquer our inattention, our fatigue, and our anger, and seize fully the opportunity to exert our very best, then even the hardest loss on the scoreboard pales against the ultimate satisfaction of the hour well spent.
I think that the steadiest victory in sports is victory over ourselves. When we conquer our inattention, our fatigue, and our anger, and seize fully the opportunity to exert our very best, then even the hardest loss on the scoreboard pales against the ultimate satisfaction of the hour well spent.
Worse Than His Bite Or Bark
From Reader's Digest:
A guy spots a sign outside a house that treads "Talking Dog for Sale." Intrigued, he walks in.
"So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog.
"I've led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home."
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog's owner "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?"
The owner says, "Because he's a liar! He never did any of that!"
A guy spots a sign outside a house that treads "Talking Dog for Sale." Intrigued, he walks in.
"So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog.
"I've led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home."
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog's owner "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?"
The owner says, "Because he's a liar! He never did any of that!"
What, Not How
"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity." - George Patton
That is at odds with "vision" that leaders try to share... instead of a crystal clear snapshot of the future, it requires more of a soft, fuzzy glowing image. But the creative power it unleashes!
That is at odds with "vision" that leaders try to share... instead of a crystal clear snapshot of the future, it requires more of a soft, fuzzy glowing image. But the creative power it unleashes!
Two-Faced
From Reader's Digest:
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. "Will I die?" she asks. God says, "No. You have 30 more years to live." With 30 years to look forward to, he decides to make the best of it. So since she's in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great!
The day she's discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.
Up in heaven, she sees God. "You said I had 30 more years to live, she complains.
"That's true," says God.
"So what happened?"
God shrugs. "I didn't recognize you."
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. "Will I die?" she asks. God says, "No. You have 30 more years to live." With 30 years to look forward to, he decides to make the best of it. So since she's in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great!
The day she's discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.
Up in heaven, she sees God. "You said I had 30 more years to live, she complains.
"That's true," says God.
"So what happened?"
God shrugs. "I didn't recognize you."
The Living Plan
"One does not plan and then try to make circumstances fit those plans. One tries to make plans fit the circumstances. I think the difference between success and failure in high command depends upon the ability, or lack of it, to do just that." - George Patton
This is a good lesson for me to take to heart, since I love to plan and hate to change them. For one thing, this has led me to build lots of cushion into my plans. Often it comes in ahead of schedule, and sometimes it's right on time. And when the time comes for my plans to be completely scrapped, that's when I chalk it up to a higher power telling me that I was just way off base, and need to get with the program!
This is a good lesson for me to take to heart, since I love to plan and hate to change them. For one thing, this has led me to build lots of cushion into my plans. Often it comes in ahead of schedule, and sometimes it's right on time. And when the time comes for my plans to be completely scrapped, that's when I chalk it up to a higher power telling me that I was just way off base, and need to get with the program!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Written Just After Flunking Out Of School
"And so I urge you: go after experience rather than knowledge. On account of pride, knowledge may often deceive you, but this gentle, loving affection will not deceive you. Knowledge tends to breed conceit, but love builds. Knowledge is full of labor, but love, full of rest." - Author Unknown
The Toughest Opponent
"Now, when the fight begins with himself, a man's worth something." - Robert Browning
The Christian Bible talks about the ills of pointing out a splinter in another's eye while ignoring the plank in our own. How many of our problems come from projecting our own faults onto another?
The Christian Bible talks about the ills of pointing out a splinter in another's eye while ignoring the plank in our own. How many of our problems come from projecting our own faults onto another?
Carrying The Mail
"Until we know how friendly troops will fight, do not count on them to do much more than bring up our mail!" - George Patton
Bottom line - trust is earned, not implied.
Bottom line - trust is earned, not implied.
Great Returns Through Interest
"All officers, and particularly General Officers, must be vitally interested in everything that interests the soldier. Usually you will gain a great deal of knowledge by being interested, but even if you do not, the fact that you are interested has a very high morale influence on the soldier." - George Patton
Let's face it... two heads are better than one when it comes to learning as much about the interesting wrinkles of life as possible. My neighbor who's been to Europe, or installed a new electronic gadget at home, or joined the Rotary Club can teach me things faster than I can learn it with shoe leather. Why not ask? I tell you what, this city boy never dreamed that he'd know as much about farming as he does today.
"Interest" is a financial term indicating return on your investment. But in relationships it's the opposite, interest is what you invest to get great returns.
Let's face it... two heads are better than one when it comes to learning as much about the interesting wrinkles of life as possible. My neighbor who's been to Europe, or installed a new electronic gadget at home, or joined the Rotary Club can teach me things faster than I can learn it with shoe leather. Why not ask? I tell you what, this city boy never dreamed that he'd know as much about farming as he does today.
"Interest" is a financial term indicating return on your investment. But in relationships it's the opposite, interest is what you invest to get great returns.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Head Out Of The Rear
"The commander in the field is always right and rear echelon is wrong, unless proved otherwise." - Colin Powell
Shift the power and financial accountability to the folks who are bringing in the beans, not the ones who are counting or analyzing them.
Shift the power and financial accountability to the folks who are bringing in the beans, not the ones who are counting or analyzing them.
The Force Of Optimism
"Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier." - Colin Powell
The ripple effect of a leader's enthusiasm and optimism is awesome. So is the impact of cyncism and pessimism. Leaders who whine and blame engender those same behaviors among their collegaues. I am not talking about stoically accepting organizational stupidity and a "what me worry?" smile. I am talking about a gung ho attitude that says "we can change things here, we can achieve awesome goals, we can be better."
The ripple effect of a leader's enthusiasm and optimism is awesome. So is the impact of cyncism and pessimism. Leaders who whine and blame engender those same behaviors among their collegaues. I am not talking about stoically accepting organizational stupidity and a "what me worry?" smile. I am talking about a gung ho attitude that says "we can change things here, we can achieve awesome goals, we can be better."
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Ask Not
"You don't know what you can get away with until you try." - Colin Powell
You know the expression "it's easier to get forgiveness than premission"? Well, it's true. Good leaders don't wait for official blessing to try things out. They're prudent, not reckless. Less effective middle managers endorsed the esentiment, "If I haven't explicitly been told 'yes,' I can't do it," where as the good ones believed, If I haven't explicitly been told 'no,' I can." There's a world of diferences between the two points of view.
You know the expression "it's easier to get forgiveness than premission"? Well, it's true. Good leaders don't wait for official blessing to try things out. They're prudent, not reckless. Less effective middle managers endorsed the esentiment, "If I haven't explicitly been told 'yes,' I can't do it," where as the good ones believed, If I haven't explicitly been told 'no,' I can." There's a world of diferences between the two points of view.
Heads Of Details
"Never neglect details. When everyone's mind is dulled or distracted the leader must be doubly vigilant." - Colin Powell
Good leaders delegate and empower others liberally, but they pay attention to details, every day.
Good leaders delegate and empower others liberally, but they pay attention to details, every day.
The Pros Or The Minors?
"Don't be afraid to challenge the pros, even in their own backyard." - Colin Powell
Learn from the pros, observe them, seeks them out as mentors and partners. but remember that even the pros may have leveled out in terms of their learning and skills. Sometimes even the pros can become complacent and lazy.
Learn from the pros, observe them, seeks them out as mentors and partners. but remember that even the pros may have leveled out in terms of their learning and skills. Sometimes even the pros can become complacent and lazy.
Being A Leader, Not Eliter
"Don't be buffaloed by experts and elites. Experts often possess more data than judgment." - Colin Powell
Policies that emanate from ivory towers often have an adverse impact on the people out in the field who are fighting the wars of bringing in the revenues. Real leaders are vigilant - and combative - in the face of these trends.
Policies that emanate from ivory towers often have an adverse impact on the people out in the field who are fighting the wars of bringing in the revenues. Real leaders are vigilant - and combative - in the face of these trends.
Loving Problems
"The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you don't care. Either case is a failure of leadership." - Colin Powell
If this were a litmus test, the majority of CEOs would fail. One, they build so many barriers to upward communication that the very idea of someone in the hierarchy looking up to the leader for help is ludicrous. Two, the corporate culture they foster often defines asking for help as weakness of failure, so people cover up their gaps, and the organization suffers accordingly. Real leaders make themselves accessible and available. They show concern for the efforts and challenge faced by underlings - even as they demand high standards. Accordingly, they are more likely to create an environment where problem analysis replaces blame.
If this were a litmus test, the majority of CEOs would fail. One, they build so many barriers to upward communication that the very idea of someone in the hierarchy looking up to the leader for help is ludicrous. Two, the corporate culture they foster often defines asking for help as weakness of failure, so people cover up their gaps, and the organization suffers accordingly. Real leaders make themselves accessible and available. They show concern for the efforts and challenge faced by underlings - even as they demand high standards. Accordingly, they are more likely to create an environment where problem analysis replaces blame.
Powell: Maker of Scowls
"Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off." - Colin Powell
Good leadership involves responsibility to the welfare of the group, which means that some people will get angry at your actions and decisions. It's inevitable - if you're honorable. Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity: You'll avoid the tough decisions, you'll avoid confronting the people who need to be confronted, and you'll avoid offering differential rewards based on differential performance because some people might get upset. Ironically, by procrastinating on the difficuult choices, by trying not to get anyone mad, and by treating everyone equally "nicely" regardless of their contributions, you'll simply ensure that the only people you'll wind up angering are the most creative and productive people in the organization.
Good leadership involves responsibility to the welfare of the group, which means that some people will get angry at your actions and decisions. It's inevitable - if you're honorable. Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity: You'll avoid the tough decisions, you'll avoid confronting the people who need to be confronted, and you'll avoid offering differential rewards based on differential performance because some people might get upset. Ironically, by procrastinating on the difficuult choices, by trying not to get anyone mad, and by treating everyone equally "nicely" regardless of their contributions, you'll simply ensure that the only people you'll wind up angering are the most creative and productive people in the organization.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
2009 Reading Goal
I'd aimed to read ten books by year-end, like last year. Maybe I should have taken into account the week we'd spend in North Carolina with lots of time to relax and read. I actually managed to read six books in just the last month and stand at a dozen for the year. I've updated the reading list below. You'll see Hidden Blog quote most of them eventually... right now I'm still catching up on blogging all the interesting stuff I've read from books months ago. I love it!
Embarrassed Abe
"I have found that when one is embarrassed, usually the shortest way to get through with it is to quit talking or thinking about it, and go at something else." - Abraham Lincoln
Almost any other comment, other than to say "I'm embarrassed," is prone to compound the situation. Efforts to prolong, distract, or deny the fact that we're merely human is a waste of time. Might as well get back to being useful!
Almost any other comment, other than to say "I'm embarrassed," is prone to compound the situation. Efforts to prolong, distract, or deny the fact that we're merely human is a waste of time. Might as well get back to being useful!
And How Did He Go About Measuring It, Anyway?
"I want you to know that I do not judge the efficiency of an officer by the callouses on his butt." - George Patton
It's a personal presence and interest, for learning rather than meddling, that inspires the team more so than memos.
It's a personal presence and interest, for learning rather than meddling, that inspires the team more so than memos.
I Shall Return... Just Not As Much
"Infantry troops can attack continuously for sixty hours. Frequently much time and suffering are saved if they will do so. Beyond sixty hours, it is rather a waste of time, as the men become too fatigued from lack of sleep." - George Patton
Imagine. Sixty hours of continuous combat! That memorable number was the result of rigorous training. And once reached, that figure was respected. Knowing the limits of our team prevents the wastefulness of burnout, or as economists would say, the law of diminishing returns.
Imagine. Sixty hours of continuous combat! That memorable number was the result of rigorous training. And once reached, that figure was respected. Knowing the limits of our team prevents the wastefulness of burnout, or as economists would say, the law of diminishing returns.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
To Win, Picture Winning
"In my career as a basketball coach, I have been in countless end-of-game pressure situations that can bring about nerves and anxiety. But because I imagined myself in these positions as a kid, I have always felt like I've been there before. The mind is so powerful. If you commit to utilizing your imagination to envision positive things, you will come to truly believe those things." - Mike Krzyzewski
Likewise there are tons of conflicts in life, or incidents that habitually bring out the worst in us. We worry about our kids' health, or what our customer or boss will think of us. We get irritated by bad drivers, bad weather or bad breath. Like free throws in basketball, we can practice these situations mentally before they arrive, so that we'll respond better the next time.
One area that's plagued me through the years is getting too critical of people I'm close to. Why am I more critical of those who love me the most, and possessing so much patience with people I hardly know who make the same mistakes? I like to think that Dena benefited from some missteps I had the occasion to work through years before I met her. I still slip regularly, but at least of late the ill-fated comments are checked at the door of my mouth before leaving - the teasing comments that cut too deeply, the nagging comment or complaint. To reach the next level, I have to change my habits of thought. And that progress has come, and will come, with deliberate practice.
Likewise there are tons of conflicts in life, or incidents that habitually bring out the worst in us. We worry about our kids' health, or what our customer or boss will think of us. We get irritated by bad drivers, bad weather or bad breath. Like free throws in basketball, we can practice these situations mentally before they arrive, so that we'll respond better the next time.
One area that's plagued me through the years is getting too critical of people I'm close to. Why am I more critical of those who love me the most, and possessing so much patience with people I hardly know who make the same mistakes? I like to think that Dena benefited from some missteps I had the occasion to work through years before I met her. I still slip regularly, but at least of late the ill-fated comments are checked at the door of my mouth before leaving - the teasing comments that cut too deeply, the nagging comment or complaint. To reach the next level, I have to change my habits of thought. And that progress has come, and will come, with deliberate practice.
That's Sensational!
"In war nothing is ever as bad, or as good, as it is reported to Higher Headquarters." - George Patton
Fish stories aren't confined to the ponds. Human nature exaggerates for good, in order to be able to coast a while, and for bad, in order to gain excuses or more resources.
For the best information, get down to the front lines.
Fish stories aren't confined to the ponds. Human nature exaggerates for good, in order to be able to coast a while, and for bad, in order to gain excuses or more resources.
For the best information, get down to the front lines.
Exercises To Strengthen My (Family) Core
"A huge part of ensuring that your core is strong is allowing the members of your team to be a part of what you do. I always wanted my wife, my girls and now my sons-in-law and grandchildren to be a part of what I am doing at Duke." - Mike Krzyzewski
I'm no strong family man, but I do realize that in order for my relationship with Dena to grow, I need to be interested in sharing her experiences in the things she loves. Most recently she's been elected Vice President of the local Kiwanis Club. Traditionally this person subsequently becomes President-Elect the following year, and then President.
Kiwanis' mission is to change the world one child at a time. So while children aren't a mission that I identify with, it's fun to listen to her dreams for the direction that the club can go. I try to help brainstorm for ways that they could position themselves to grow.
I'm lucky that she's passionate and confident enough to step into a leadership role even though she's a non-spotlight person. And it gives me a chance to draw from some of the leadership things I've read and done through the years to give as much as she needs.
I'm no strong family man, but I do realize that in order for my relationship with Dena to grow, I need to be interested in sharing her experiences in the things she loves. Most recently she's been elected Vice President of the local Kiwanis Club. Traditionally this person subsequently becomes President-Elect the following year, and then President.
Kiwanis' mission is to change the world one child at a time. So while children aren't a mission that I identify with, it's fun to listen to her dreams for the direction that the club can go. I try to help brainstorm for ways that they could position themselves to grow.
I'm lucky that she's passionate and confident enough to step into a leadership role even though she's a non-spotlight person. And it gives me a chance to draw from some of the leadership things I've read and done through the years to give as much as she needs.
Tasty Fluids
"A pint of sweat is worth a gallon of blood." - George Patton
This isn't about the exchange rate at some gross flea market.
Patton trained his troops hard. Often regarded as overeager to pour his men into every fight, he definitely was eager... but not before they had gotten a full six weeks of training.
"It's a damn waste of the most wonderful manhood of America to send green troops into combat before they are ready. We must train to win."
Often training falls by the wayside, something to be done ad hoc or completely through on-the-job training. In matters of training, undoubtedly doing beats watching. But who would stick a teenage driving student into the middle of the freeway on day one? Yet that's the siren song of "results-oriented" business, or more pointedly, "short-term results-oriented." The traditions of successful organizations demand that we create a high-quality on-ramp for new employees, with thorough manuals, visual aids, indoctrination into the vocabulary and acronyms of the culture, and most importantly adequate time to absorb plentifully.
This isn't about the exchange rate at some gross flea market.
Patton trained his troops hard. Often regarded as overeager to pour his men into every fight, he definitely was eager... but not before they had gotten a full six weeks of training.
"It's a damn waste of the most wonderful manhood of America to send green troops into combat before they are ready. We must train to win."
Often training falls by the wayside, something to be done ad hoc or completely through on-the-job training. In matters of training, undoubtedly doing beats watching. But who would stick a teenage driving student into the middle of the freeway on day one? Yet that's the siren song of "results-oriented" business, or more pointedly, "short-term results-oriented." The traditions of successful organizations demand that we create a high-quality on-ramp for new employees, with thorough manuals, visual aids, indoctrination into the vocabulary and acronyms of the culture, and most importantly adequate time to absorb plentifully.
A Few Noteworthy Things
I did end up hitting my goal of 14% body fat by June 1! The second half of that goal is to maintain through December 31.
Our soccer team won its second consecutive game. Once again it was on penalty kicks, and once again I had the good fortune of a goal in the shootout.
When I returned from vacation I had 162 e-mails waiting for me. I set and met a personal challenge to clean them out entirely by the end of my first day!
Our soccer team won its second consecutive game. Once again it was on penalty kicks, and once again I had the good fortune of a goal in the shootout.
When I returned from vacation I had 162 e-mails waiting for me. I set and met a personal challenge to clean them out entirely by the end of my first day!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The Compliment Is Mutual
"I have stepped out upon this platform that I may see you and you may see me, and in the arrangement I have the best of the bargain." - Abraham Lincoln
Winning Easily
"It is easy to know when you have won. Just declare a victory.
It is just as easy to know when you're defeated. Give up.
Expect reverses. Expect losses. They are inevitable. But why give them the last word? Take them as bumps along the road to victory." - Alan Axelrod
It is just as easy to know when you're defeated. Give up.
Expect reverses. Expect losses. They are inevitable. But why give them the last word? Take them as bumps along the road to victory." - Alan Axelrod
Q: What's The Difference Between A Leader And A Follower?
Answer: The extra mile. Advancement comes with doing habitually more than you are asked. Or as my supervisor once put it, "plus one" thinking.
It's Why He Always Wore Such Tight Pants
"You don't want to appear more comfortable than those who work for you." - George Patton
Of course, Patton was referring to work ethic. People do what people see. The team you lead is significantly more productive if you invest the most sweat.
Of course, Patton was referring to work ethic. People do what people see. The team you lead is significantly more productive if you invest the most sweat.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Something Of The Peace
I seem to remember learning that justice is determined by God... that all justice is God's justice. Put another way, that all decisions of God are just... by definition of a perfect God.
Closer to home, for those focused on each other instead of God, we each apply our own standard of justice. As a unique person from the rest, there's always some injustice according to our individual view of the world through our set of morals. Regardless of our faith, perhaps we'll be happier if we replace "justice" thinking with "just is" thinking.
Closer to home, for those focused on each other instead of God, we each apply our own standard of justice. As a unique person from the rest, there's always some injustice according to our individual view of the world through our set of morals. Regardless of our faith, perhaps we'll be happier if we replace "justice" thinking with "just is" thinking.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Negative Thinking
From Lou Tice, courtesy of Bonnie:
What would the world be like if there were no negativity? Do you have difficulty imagining such a place? These days, I wouldn't be surprised.
Can you imagine a world in which there was no negativity? Now, I'm not talking about a world without legitimate sadness or anger. But I am talking about a world in which there were no put-downs, no belittling of self or others, no withering remarks, no free-floating hostility, no power-tripping, no insults, no bigotry or intolerance.
That's a pretty tall order, isn't it - even to imagine such a place? So let's back it up a little and try another question. Can you imagine your own life without any negativity? Maybe that's a pretty tall order, too. So how about this: What would it be like, do you suppose, to go through a whole day and night without any negativity?
That's right - I'm talking about a 24-hour period during which you stop yourself from doing any negative thinking or behaving whatsoever. No put-downs, no sarcasm, no teasing or belittling of others or yourself. I know some of you have done this before, but it bears repeating every so often! With the onslaught of negative news on TV, radio, newspapers, blogs, it can be pretty easy to slip into a "negativity sinkhole."
This is an exercise I often ask people who attend my seminars to try. In fact, the group that will be at my "live" seminar next month will get this same challenge - and you should hear the groans when I give this task to each group of participants! The results are usually pretty powerful. First of all, they become aware of the amount of negative thinking they routinely do. Then, they realize that negative thinking really is something they can bring under control, with a little practice. And finally, they experience how good it feels when they stop.
Why not try it yourself? No negative thinking for 24 hours. Why not start right now? There is no time like the present . . .
What would the world be like if there were no negativity? Do you have difficulty imagining such a place? These days, I wouldn't be surprised.
Can you imagine a world in which there was no negativity? Now, I'm not talking about a world without legitimate sadness or anger. But I am talking about a world in which there were no put-downs, no belittling of self or others, no withering remarks, no free-floating hostility, no power-tripping, no insults, no bigotry or intolerance.
That's a pretty tall order, isn't it - even to imagine such a place? So let's back it up a little and try another question. Can you imagine your own life without any negativity? Maybe that's a pretty tall order, too. So how about this: What would it be like, do you suppose, to go through a whole day and night without any negativity?
That's right - I'm talking about a 24-hour period during which you stop yourself from doing any negative thinking or behaving whatsoever. No put-downs, no sarcasm, no teasing or belittling of others or yourself. I know some of you have done this before, but it bears repeating every so often! With the onslaught of negative news on TV, radio, newspapers, blogs, it can be pretty easy to slip into a "negativity sinkhole."
This is an exercise I often ask people who attend my seminars to try. In fact, the group that will be at my "live" seminar next month will get this same challenge - and you should hear the groans when I give this task to each group of participants! The results are usually pretty powerful. First of all, they become aware of the amount of negative thinking they routinely do. Then, they realize that negative thinking really is something they can bring under control, with a little practice. And finally, they experience how good it feels when they stop.
Why not try it yourself? No negative thinking for 24 hours. Why not start right now? There is no time like the present . . .
Focus Of Happy People
From Lou Tice, courtesy of Bonnie:
Do you think happy people are blind to reality? Or, do you think they see
things that the rest of us miss?
I think the answer may include a little of both, but I also think that, in
the final analysis, people are happy because they make up their minds to be.
Let me explain what I mean.
Most happy people aren't blind to the pain in the world, but because they
have chosen to be happy, they don't focus their attention on it. They don't
let the cruelty and injustices that are undeniably present in the world rob
them of the pleasures and beauty that are also undeniably there.
And, it's entirely possible that happy people can see things that others don't,
because their power of paying attention is enormous. Your attention, when
you really focus it, is a lot like a searchlight. When you focus on beauty,
you're simply going to see more beauty than other people do.
The same thing happens when you focus on a problem: you see it everywhere
you look, even though people around you may have to have it pointed out to
them. The challenge is using that laser-like focus to find solutions.
Where is your attention focused these days? Do you see mostly problems, or
solutions? Are you surrounded by people you enjoy and appreciate or are you
surrounded by people who give you nothing but trouble? Does life send you an
unending cavalcade of pleasures or a litany of pain? And finally, how could
changing what you focus your attention on change the results you are
getting?
Do you think happy people are blind to reality? Or, do you think they see
things that the rest of us miss?
I think the answer may include a little of both, but I also think that, in
the final analysis, people are happy because they make up their minds to be.
Let me explain what I mean.
Most happy people aren't blind to the pain in the world, but because they
have chosen to be happy, they don't focus their attention on it. They don't
let the cruelty and injustices that are undeniably present in the world rob
them of the pleasures and beauty that are also undeniably there.
And, it's entirely possible that happy people can see things that others don't,
because their power of paying attention is enormous. Your attention, when
you really focus it, is a lot like a searchlight. When you focus on beauty,
you're simply going to see more beauty than other people do.
The same thing happens when you focus on a problem: you see it everywhere
you look, even though people around you may have to have it pointed out to
them. The challenge is using that laser-like focus to find solutions.
Where is your attention focused these days? Do you see mostly problems, or
solutions? Are you surrounded by people you enjoy and appreciate or are you
surrounded by people who give you nothing but trouble? Does life send you an
unending cavalcade of pleasures or a litany of pain? And finally, how could
changing what you focus your attention on change the results you are
getting?
Focus On The Positive
From Lou Tice:
Positive thinking is certainly a powerful thing, but positive expression is equally important. Many people, especially marriage partners and parents of small children, seem to believe that the best way to get somebody to change for the better is to consistently point out to them what they are doing wrong.
These authority figures criticize, day in and day out. Eventually the people they are talking to become frustrated and often start to feel angry, because they see that nothing they say has any positive effect, and sometimes things even get worse.
Has this ever happened to you? If so, there's a principle of cognitive psychology that I teach in my seminars you'll want to know about. It's simply this: We move toward and become like what we think about. And we automatically behave in ways that match the image we have of our capabilities and ourselves.
When you focus on what is going wrong, you tend to experience more of the problem. And when you focus on the solution, you move toward it, as surely as day follows night.
So instead of telling folks what they are doing wrong, why not tell them what they are doing right? Instead of telling them what the problem is, why not tell them what the solution looks like and how it will benefit them personally?
And while you're at it, why not tell them how much you enjoy and appreciate the thoughtful or bright or funny things they say and do. Remember the behavior that you focus on and praise tends to be repeated.
Positive thinking is certainly a powerful thing, but positive expression is equally important. Many people, especially marriage partners and parents of small children, seem to believe that the best way to get somebody to change for the better is to consistently point out to them what they are doing wrong.
These authority figures criticize, day in and day out. Eventually the people they are talking to become frustrated and often start to feel angry, because they see that nothing they say has any positive effect, and sometimes things even get worse.
Has this ever happened to you? If so, there's a principle of cognitive psychology that I teach in my seminars you'll want to know about. It's simply this: We move toward and become like what we think about. And we automatically behave in ways that match the image we have of our capabilities and ourselves.
When you focus on what is going wrong, you tend to experience more of the problem. And when you focus on the solution, you move toward it, as surely as day follows night.
So instead of telling folks what they are doing wrong, why not tell them what they are doing right? Instead of telling them what the problem is, why not tell them what the solution looks like and how it will benefit them personally?
And while you're at it, why not tell them how much you enjoy and appreciate the thoughtful or bright or funny things they say and do. Remember the behavior that you focus on and praise tends to be repeated.
It's Not What Happens To You, But In You
Thanks to Lisa for this bit of wisdom from Dr. Zimmerman:
Little Jason loved his Grandpa Ernie, but he also loved to play tricks on people. So when Grandpa sat down for a nap after lunch, Jason put some stinky Limburger cheese on Grandpa's large handlebar mustache.
When Grandpa woke up an hour later, he started sniffing in bewilderment. He walked around the bedroom sniffing, and then he said, "This bedroom stinks."
He went to the kitchen, sat down for a cup of coffee, and started sniffing once again. He said, "This kitchen stinks too!" In fact, it stunk so badly that he went outside to get some fresh air. As he took a deep breath, he hollered, "The whole world stinks."
Well you and I both know some people who have Limburger cheese spread across their attitudes. It doesn't matter what they do, who they see, or where they are. Everything smells to them.
And that, my friend, is a lousy way to live. As economist and historian David Landes points out, "Educated, eyes-open optimism pays; pessimism can only offer the empty consolation of being right." In other words, it's to your advantage to have an optimistic, positive attitude.
The humorist Sam Levinson used to joke about that. He said, "A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all -- he's walking on them."
The good news is ... you can get a positive attitude by following a simple regimen. Lynda Field, author of "Weekend Life Coach," says it only takes 24 hours to change your mind. Try this regimen.
6:00 a.m. Waking up
Smile and expect the very best from the day ahead.
The best way to start your day is with a smile. As soon as you open your eyes, and before you start to think about all the challenges of the upcoming day, just smile. You'll immediately feel a bit more refreshed and rejuvenated. You might even hang a sign on your bedroom wall that says "Smile" ... so you don't forget.
And don't worry about this feeling weird or fake. At this stage of the game, the feelings are irrelevant. It's the smiling behavior that counts. After you get in the habit of smiling, it will become a natural, authentic part of you.
10:00 a.m. Mid-morning
Check out your thoughts and talk yourself up.
Take a moment to become aware of the thoughts that are going around in your head. Notice how often you're thinking self-deprecating thoughts about yourself. And when you catch yourself putting yourself down, tell your mind to "Stop it. Now just stop it!"
Then take three minutes to put in some powerful, positive self-talk. If you're worried about a deadline or sales presentation, a simple "I can do it" can do wonders.
Nancy had to learn to do that. Richard Carlson told her story in "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff At Work." In Carlson's words, as Nancy was leaving the house, she called out to her cousin Carrie, "I HAVE TO GO to work now. See you when I see you."
Carrie replied, "I thought one of your goals for this year was to purge negativity from your life?"
Nancy stopped, "Yeah. What are you getting at?"
"Well you make work sound like it's such a chore."
"I do?"
"Yes, when you HAVE TO DO something, it means you don't have any other options. And how can you ever enjoy something you have no control over?"
"You can't," said Nancy.
"That's right. So you have to keep in mind that negative thoughts lead to negative words, and negative words lead to negative behaviors, and negative behaviors have negative consequences."
Carrie continued, "I didn't realize that until I lost my first job. So I used to say, 'I wish I didn't HAVE TO GO to work today' because I wanted to hang out with my friends. And then one day my boss told me that I didn't need to come back because I wasn't 'cutting it.' I cried about it when I got home, and my brother asked, 'What are you so upset about? You never wanted to work there anyway.' And that was the day I realized I had better be careful about what I say."
"Well, in that case, I want to start over," said Nancy as she walked back through the doorway. "Carrie, I'm on my way to the office to do the job I fought to get. I'll see you tonight."
So as you do your mid-morning check, which is the second step in this 24-hour attitude makeover, pay particular attention to your thoughts and words. Cut out the negative thoughts. Stop verbalizing the negative. And put in the positive self-talk.
My book on "PIVOT: How One Turn In Attitude Can Lead To Success" will help you turn back the negative and turn on the positive if you're not already doing it. Get a copy by going to http://www.drzimmerman.com/tools/productinfo/pivot.htm
Jeff Reiche did. He wrote to me, saying, "Dr. Zimmerman, your 'PIVOT' book is phenomenal!" Now that made my day ... because I have great respect for teachers and school administrators, and he's in that arena.
12:15 p.m. Break time
Get outside.
Get away from your workplace ... if possible ... for a few minutes. Go outside and find some natural beauty. Even if you work in the middle of a city, find a park, a tree, a garden. Appreciate nature for a few minutes.
If you do this on a regular basis, you'll find your pace slowing down. You'll feel a greater sense of peace and calm as you disengage from the maddening routine or the crazy busyness that may be going on in your workplace.
And if possible, walk. It lifts your spirits when you're exposed to natural light and a bit of exercise ... because the two items, done together, trigger the release of a feel-good brain chemical called serotonin.
3:00 p.m. Mid-afternoon
Practice enthusiasm.
In the middle of the afternoon when the pressure is on, it's not always easy to stay positive. Your energy level might take a dip along with your attitude.
So it's especially important WHO you hang around at this time of the day. Be careful of spending too much time with grumpy people; and don't' let the moaners and groaners drag you into their pit of despair. Instead, seek the company of upbeat, optimistic people. After all, attitudes are contagious; so make sure you're around people whose attitudes are worth catching.
And ACT enthusiastically, whether or not you feel like it. Remember your morning-smile routine? What you send out usually comes back to you.
5:30 p.m. Commute home
Appreciate the moment.
As you work your way home, try to see this as a positive part of your day. Appreciate the time you have to be alone ... to relax and reflect.
Let go of the day's events, tomorrow's trials, or even the traffic jam in front of you. Consciously let that go ... so you can arrive home energized, refreshed, and in a great frame of mind.
Discard your worries, at least for the moment. Even small worries can amass enormous power to be used against you. As Dr. Edward Kramer observed, "A penny held to the eye blocks the sun."
Instead, spend a few minutes reflecting on all the things you're thankful for.
9:00 p.m. Evening
Organize and relax.
Spend five minutes planning your tomorrow. Get out your clothes, stack up the things you'll need, or make your list ... whatever will give you a peace of mind. You won't have to fret about the possibility of forgetting something, and you'll be off to a relaxed but running start the next morning.
Action:
Follow this simple, 24-hour regimen for at least a day, and see how you feel. Better yet, follow this regimen every day for 3 weeks and watch some minor miracles take place in your attitude.
Little Jason loved his Grandpa Ernie, but he also loved to play tricks on people. So when Grandpa sat down for a nap after lunch, Jason put some stinky Limburger cheese on Grandpa's large handlebar mustache.
When Grandpa woke up an hour later, he started sniffing in bewilderment. He walked around the bedroom sniffing, and then he said, "This bedroom stinks."
He went to the kitchen, sat down for a cup of coffee, and started sniffing once again. He said, "This kitchen stinks too!" In fact, it stunk so badly that he went outside to get some fresh air. As he took a deep breath, he hollered, "The whole world stinks."
Well you and I both know some people who have Limburger cheese spread across their attitudes. It doesn't matter what they do, who they see, or where they are. Everything smells to them.
And that, my friend, is a lousy way to live. As economist and historian David Landes points out, "Educated, eyes-open optimism pays; pessimism can only offer the empty consolation of being right." In other words, it's to your advantage to have an optimistic, positive attitude.
The humorist Sam Levinson used to joke about that. He said, "A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all -- he's walking on them."
The good news is ... you can get a positive attitude by following a simple regimen. Lynda Field, author of "Weekend Life Coach," says it only takes 24 hours to change your mind. Try this regimen.
6:00 a.m. Waking up
Smile and expect the very best from the day ahead.
The best way to start your day is with a smile. As soon as you open your eyes, and before you start to think about all the challenges of the upcoming day, just smile. You'll immediately feel a bit more refreshed and rejuvenated. You might even hang a sign on your bedroom wall that says "Smile" ... so you don't forget.
And don't worry about this feeling weird or fake. At this stage of the game, the feelings are irrelevant. It's the smiling behavior that counts. After you get in the habit of smiling, it will become a natural, authentic part of you.
10:00 a.m. Mid-morning
Check out your thoughts and talk yourself up.
Take a moment to become aware of the thoughts that are going around in your head. Notice how often you're thinking self-deprecating thoughts about yourself. And when you catch yourself putting yourself down, tell your mind to "Stop it. Now just stop it!"
Then take three minutes to put in some powerful, positive self-talk. If you're worried about a deadline or sales presentation, a simple "I can do it" can do wonders.
Nancy had to learn to do that. Richard Carlson told her story in "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff At Work." In Carlson's words, as Nancy was leaving the house, she called out to her cousin Carrie, "I HAVE TO GO to work now. See you when I see you."
Carrie replied, "I thought one of your goals for this year was to purge negativity from your life?"
Nancy stopped, "Yeah. What are you getting at?"
"Well you make work sound like it's such a chore."
"I do?"
"Yes, when you HAVE TO DO something, it means you don't have any other options. And how can you ever enjoy something you have no control over?"
"You can't," said Nancy.
"That's right. So you have to keep in mind that negative thoughts lead to negative words, and negative words lead to negative behaviors, and negative behaviors have negative consequences."
Carrie continued, "I didn't realize that until I lost my first job. So I used to say, 'I wish I didn't HAVE TO GO to work today' because I wanted to hang out with my friends. And then one day my boss told me that I didn't need to come back because I wasn't 'cutting it.' I cried about it when I got home, and my brother asked, 'What are you so upset about? You never wanted to work there anyway.' And that was the day I realized I had better be careful about what I say."
"Well, in that case, I want to start over," said Nancy as she walked back through the doorway. "Carrie, I'm on my way to the office to do the job I fought to get. I'll see you tonight."
So as you do your mid-morning check, which is the second step in this 24-hour attitude makeover, pay particular attention to your thoughts and words. Cut out the negative thoughts. Stop verbalizing the negative. And put in the positive self-talk.
My book on "PIVOT: How One Turn In Attitude Can Lead To Success" will help you turn back the negative and turn on the positive if you're not already doing it. Get a copy by going to http://www.drzimmerman.com/tools/productinfo/pivot.htm
Jeff Reiche did. He wrote to me, saying, "Dr. Zimmerman, your 'PIVOT' book is phenomenal!" Now that made my day ... because I have great respect for teachers and school administrators, and he's in that arena.
12:15 p.m. Break time
Get outside.
Get away from your workplace ... if possible ... for a few minutes. Go outside and find some natural beauty. Even if you work in the middle of a city, find a park, a tree, a garden. Appreciate nature for a few minutes.
If you do this on a regular basis, you'll find your pace slowing down. You'll feel a greater sense of peace and calm as you disengage from the maddening routine or the crazy busyness that may be going on in your workplace.
And if possible, walk. It lifts your spirits when you're exposed to natural light and a bit of exercise ... because the two items, done together, trigger the release of a feel-good brain chemical called serotonin.
3:00 p.m. Mid-afternoon
Practice enthusiasm.
In the middle of the afternoon when the pressure is on, it's not always easy to stay positive. Your energy level might take a dip along with your attitude.
So it's especially important WHO you hang around at this time of the day. Be careful of spending too much time with grumpy people; and don't' let the moaners and groaners drag you into their pit of despair. Instead, seek the company of upbeat, optimistic people. After all, attitudes are contagious; so make sure you're around people whose attitudes are worth catching.
And ACT enthusiastically, whether or not you feel like it. Remember your morning-smile routine? What you send out usually comes back to you.
5:30 p.m. Commute home
Appreciate the moment.
As you work your way home, try to see this as a positive part of your day. Appreciate the time you have to be alone ... to relax and reflect.
Let go of the day's events, tomorrow's trials, or even the traffic jam in front of you. Consciously let that go ... so you can arrive home energized, refreshed, and in a great frame of mind.
Discard your worries, at least for the moment. Even small worries can amass enormous power to be used against you. As Dr. Edward Kramer observed, "A penny held to the eye blocks the sun."
Instead, spend a few minutes reflecting on all the things you're thankful for.
9:00 p.m. Evening
Organize and relax.
Spend five minutes planning your tomorrow. Get out your clothes, stack up the things you'll need, or make your list ... whatever will give you a peace of mind. You won't have to fret about the possibility of forgetting something, and you'll be off to a relaxed but running start the next morning.
Action:
Follow this simple, 24-hour regimen for at least a day, and see how you feel. Better yet, follow this regimen every day for 3 weeks and watch some minor miracles take place in your attitude.
The Good Kind Of Bear
From Brandi:
Words from the legendary coach, and four more pages of inspirational stuff:
http://successcomesincans.com/unlimited_times/word_from_coach1.html
1. If anything goes bad, "I did it."
2. If anything goes semi-good, then "We did it."
3. If anything goes real good, then "You did it."
Words from the legendary coach, and four more pages of inspirational stuff:
http://successcomesincans.com/unlimited_times/word_from_coach1.html
1. If anything goes bad, "I did it."
2. If anything goes semi-good, then "We did it."
3. If anything goes real good, then "You did it."
Did You Know?
Thanks to Brandi for this fact-packed presentation of figures about our world:
http://rejuvenateyourrestaurant.com/Did-You-Know-Video-Technology-by-Karl-Fisch-Scott-McLeod-Jeff-Bronman.php
http://rejuvenateyourrestaurant.com/Did-You-Know-Video-Technology-by-Karl-Fisch-Scott-McLeod-Jeff-Bronman.php
Monday, June 8, 2009
Dude Thought About More Than Physics
"The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives." - Albert Einstein
The longer I'm in a job, the more sensitive I become to asking simple questions. Shouldn't I know everything? Not according to Einstein.
The longer I'm in a job, the more sensitive I become to asking simple questions. Shouldn't I know everything? Not according to Einstein.
But Neither's A Good Idea For An Engagement Ring
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without." - Confucius
I think he's saying not to be afraid to make mistakes. People will overlook your failures if you do your best to shine.
I think he's saying not to be afraid to make mistakes. People will overlook your failures if you do your best to shine.
Log Chains
"Trying to lead men from behind makes you a driver and not a leader. It is easier to lead men just as it is easier to pull a log chain. You cannot push a log chain and you cannot push troops. The troops will keep running back to you for instructions - really from fear. A leader has to be ahead of his men." - George Patton
Once again, Patton stresses the importance of leading by example. Telling people what to do only goes so far.
Once again, Patton stresses the importance of leading by example. Telling people what to do only goes so far.
Level Setting
"When Mark took the job at Mission Viejo in 1972, he was 25 years old and Mission Viejo had never even won the Orange County Swim Conference. Two years later, in 1974, Mission Viejo was the national champion. Mark believed then, as he still does, that you choose your level of achievement by choosing the level of your expectations." - Dara Torres, on former coach Mark Schubert
My Wife's A Happy Grouch
No, seriously. Her Facebook profile picture is of Oscar the Grouch.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1201540643&ref=ts
What a contrast, part happy, part grouch. A metaphor for us all.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1201540643&ref=ts
What a contrast, part happy, part grouch. A metaphor for us all.
Beatles Rock Band
I am psyched! I may just have to purchase this game...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpBDOolcs9g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpBDOolcs9g
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Ferry To Ocracoke Island
Here we are, trying not to think about the well-fed seagulls flying within bombing range of our heads...
Screams Of Consciousness, Act 5: Calming The Storm
My grandmother had Alzheimer's near the end of her life. Often the conversations would drift randomly. Having hung around six of my nieces and nephews for several hours, how I missed the comparatively focused nature of those old coversations.
In all, keeping with my philosophy of honoring requests as long as they didn't result in soiling, damaging, or nudifying anything, I switched the game in the Playstation 2 from soccer to basketball to soccer and then to football.
T, K and E took turns clamoring for playing time, teams, jersey colors, controllers, and playing partners in various combinations. That is, when they didn't suddenly abandon the game and bolt from the room for reasons explained or unexplained, throwing the door open and shut. The squeaking and pounding of the door, and the screaming and bickering of the players became white noise to my overloaded circuits, as controllers were shoved into and seized from my increasingly numb hands.
Then L came in. The oldest of the brood, he bridged the gap perfectly between my logical adult world and the emotional maelstrom in my bedroom.
"Guys," he said, taking the controller and teaming up with me as the Bears against the Packers. "We need some bliss."
"What's that?" T asked, obediently settling on the bed between us to my amazement.
"It means peace and quiet."
And that's what we got. Following his lead, I stopped fulfilling requests for the night. Slowly all the others left the room, leaving just me and my teammate having a a great time. In fact, when L's dad stuck his head in the room telling him to go to bed (it was 11:00 by then), I found myself saying "It's all right, we're almost done, it's no problem." We went on to beat Green Bay on a thrilling, last second touchdown pass... the first game that was completed all night.
Such is life as a contented uncle. Peaks and valleys of confusion, attention deficit and mayhem (I never did set a decibel limit for screaming), injected with just enough fun to make it worth the exhaustion... and not an instant more.
In all, keeping with my philosophy of honoring requests as long as they didn't result in soiling, damaging, or nudifying anything, I switched the game in the Playstation 2 from soccer to basketball to soccer and then to football.
T, K and E took turns clamoring for playing time, teams, jersey colors, controllers, and playing partners in various combinations. That is, when they didn't suddenly abandon the game and bolt from the room for reasons explained or unexplained, throwing the door open and shut. The squeaking and pounding of the door, and the screaming and bickering of the players became white noise to my overloaded circuits, as controllers were shoved into and seized from my increasingly numb hands.
Then L came in. The oldest of the brood, he bridged the gap perfectly between my logical adult world and the emotional maelstrom in my bedroom.
"Guys," he said, taking the controller and teaming up with me as the Bears against the Packers. "We need some bliss."
"What's that?" T asked, obediently settling on the bed between us to my amazement.
"It means peace and quiet."
And that's what we got. Following his lead, I stopped fulfilling requests for the night. Slowly all the others left the room, leaving just me and my teammate having a a great time. In fact, when L's dad stuck his head in the room telling him to go to bed (it was 11:00 by then), I found myself saying "It's all right, we're almost done, it's no problem." We went on to beat Green Bay on a thrilling, last second touchdown pass... the first game that was completed all night.
Such is life as a contented uncle. Peaks and valleys of confusion, attention deficit and mayhem (I never did set a decibel limit for screaming), injected with just enough fun to make it worth the exhaustion... and not an instant more.
Screams Of Consciousness, Act 4: Leaps and Lips
I have somehow managed to get T and E to stop jumping on the bed. I like to think it's because I have successfully reasoned with them as to the multiple consequences that could result. More likely, it's because they have decided to start jumping on me. Because I'm three times their weight, this doesn't greatly disturb my attempts to pack up or otherwise remove every potential source of breakage or mess from view and/or reach.
E asks me whether or not I've ever kissed Dena before. As an uncle I try to be not only as permissive as possible but also as direct.
"Yes."
"On the lips?"
"Yes."
"Eeeeeeew!" (E, K, P and T grabbing faces in disgust and rolling around in horror on the bed).
They all explode in awestruck questioning.
"When?"
"Well, when we got married, and a bunch of times before."
"How did you kiss her when you got married?"
"Huh?"
"Did you kiss her with your tongue?"
"Um, no. Sort of a gentle kiss with our heads turned slightly to the side."
"How about when you were dating?"
"Pretty much the same way."
E asks me whether or not I've ever kissed Dena before. As an uncle I try to be not only as permissive as possible but also as direct.
"Yes."
"On the lips?"
"Yes."
"Eeeeeeew!" (E, K, P and T grabbing faces in disgust and rolling around in horror on the bed).
They all explode in awestruck questioning.
"When?"
"Well, when we got married, and a bunch of times before."
"How did you kiss her when you got married?"
"Huh?"
"Did you kiss her with your tongue?"
"Um, no. Sort of a gentle kiss with our heads turned slightly to the side."
"How about when you were dating?"
"Pretty much the same way."
Screams Of Consciousness, Act 3: "Cleaning"
The video soccer game never does reach half time. This is because Dena asks me to vacuum the floor. This is a reasonable request, since we are leaving for home the next morning. Dena hands me the vacuum and begins to pack a suitcase with P in tow. Over the next few minutes I overhear P excitedly asking questions about her neck pillow for airline travel, and the prospects of getting one for her birthday. But mostly I am riveted with surprise to the complete enthusiasm that E, K and T suddenly have for vacuuming. K in particular quickly masters how to turn it on and off and to manipulate the locking mechanism, and proceeds to cover most of the carpet multiple times while the others clear things from her path. Then she turns her attention to the tile floor of the bathroom and sweeps it clean.
Not all hands are working toward cleanliness. My adult brain has left several items within reach. One of these is my electric razor. By this time Dena's left the room and, while I assist K in vacuuming, P is explaining to T and others how to take the cap off and empty the hairs from it. Which would be fine if there was a garbage can nearby. Instead, her pant legs and the bed absorb most of the shavings.
I hustle the can over to her for damage control. And as I look up, I see that Ty has entered the room. Or more specifically, that Ty is currently gripping a pair of birds affixed to a decorative lamp - the kind that look to me as if they could easily snap off. And so I discover another constraint of my uncling philosophy: no breaking or soiling stuff. In rapid succession, I move razor, lamp, and video equipment, and most of my toiletries to higher shelves.
I feel like I'm trying to save people on the Titanic. Only the icebergs didn't jump up and down on the deck, like T and E have decided to do with the bed. Each bounce carries at least three risks that I can think of right off - misbouncing into a wall, snapping the box spring of the bed, or launching up into the whirling fan blades above. I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one contemplating these risks, as I dive toward the switch that turns off the fan.
Screams Of Consciousness, Act 2: Boxers Or Briefs
I am distracted from the civil unrest of K and E's video soccer game. This is because T has become curious about my underwear. I discover this not by fielding a pert question from him, but through a sudden vigorous tug to the waist of my shorts.
True to my general uncling principle of honoring requests, I allow him to finish his research. "You wear boxers like me when I go to bed!" he shrieks as if he's just discovered the secret of time travel.
I suspect that he plans to yank down other pieces of my clothing. I am right. And just in time to stop his giggling reach, I slam into practice one of my few uncling limits, the no-nudity policy.
True to my general uncling principle of honoring requests, I allow him to finish his research. "You wear boxers like me when I go to bed!" he shrieks as if he's just discovered the secret of time travel.
I suspect that he plans to yank down other pieces of my clothing. I am right. And just in time to stop his giggling reach, I slam into practice one of my few uncling limits, the no-nudity policy.
Screams Of Consciousness, Act 1: Whirled Cup
As a case study in why I'm an uncle and not a parent, I present a five-hour sequence with the following players (ages approximate):
Ty (3)
K (5)
T (5)
E (7)
P (7)
L (11)
T approaches me at the dinner table. "Let's play video games!" he says urgently, and multiple times, until I proceed to follow him upstairs to our bedroom that houses PlayStation 2 and three games I brought along - soccer, football, and basketball.
T and I lie down on the bed and start setting up a soccer game.
Moments before kickoff, E walks in and asks to play. I should note here that my uncling style is like that of a restaurant host: I comply with every request, in the sequence in which it's made, unless the requestor has left the premises when their turn arrives. Since T requested to play soccer, and not specifically to play soccer with me, I hand my controller to E. At this point T requests that I play with him and not E, so I register it accordingly... and declare that I'll rejoin to play with him after half time (which E protests as "unfair.")
As a teammate of T, E proceeds to berate T and the rest of her team as England quickly pushes ahead 3-0. Actually, I think that given T's age he does remarkably well considering that E spends most of her time causing her player to boot the ball out of bounds, to the other team, or to drift about the field aimlessly (including an inexplicable goalie sprint for the sideline, allowing an empty-net goal that would probably have cost her her life during a real-life home game).
Midway through the half, T loses interest and wanders off. K enters and requests to play. K is E's younger sister, and although she is actually pretty skilled with a controller when she wants to be, she almost never wants to be (I'll leave it to the child psychologists, then, to explain why she wanted to play in the first place). England is delighted, and E is not. Eventually E tries to seize K's controller, which fails. I guess soccer riots aren't limited to Europe.
Ty (3)
K (5)
T (5)
E (7)
P (7)
L (11)
T approaches me at the dinner table. "Let's play video games!" he says urgently, and multiple times, until I proceed to follow him upstairs to our bedroom that houses PlayStation 2 and three games I brought along - soccer, football, and basketball.
T and I lie down on the bed and start setting up a soccer game.
Moments before kickoff, E walks in and asks to play. I should note here that my uncling style is like that of a restaurant host: I comply with every request, in the sequence in which it's made, unless the requestor has left the premises when their turn arrives. Since T requested to play soccer, and not specifically to play soccer with me, I hand my controller to E. At this point T requests that I play with him and not E, so I register it accordingly... and declare that I'll rejoin to play with him after half time (which E protests as "unfair.")
As a teammate of T, E proceeds to berate T and the rest of her team as England quickly pushes ahead 3-0. Actually, I think that given T's age he does remarkably well considering that E spends most of her time causing her player to boot the ball out of bounds, to the other team, or to drift about the field aimlessly (including an inexplicable goalie sprint for the sideline, allowing an empty-net goal that would probably have cost her her life during a real-life home game).
Midway through the half, T loses interest and wanders off. K enters and requests to play. K is E's younger sister, and although she is actually pretty skilled with a controller when she wants to be, she almost never wants to be (I'll leave it to the child psychologists, then, to explain why she wanted to play in the first place). England is delighted, and E is not. Eventually E tries to seize K's controller, which fails. I guess soccer riots aren't limited to Europe.
Nights In Rodanthe
The Freidinger clan hunkered down in the living room on a few nights of vacation to watch DVD's until bedtime. This gave me my first view of Nights In Rodanthe starring Diane Lane and Richard Gere.
Two troubled, emotionally volatile people find their way to a huge, elegant and mostly vacant summer place on the beaches of North Carolina. She's a caretaking employee, he's a popular surgeon visiting the family whose mother he tragically lost during a routine cosmetic procedure. Eventually they each take on their personal struggles as the result of a couple of passionate nights (aided by some hurricane-induced snuggling) - she battling an ex-husband and resentful daughter, he coldly estranged from his patient and his son. These are believeable problems, and the solutions soften the heart in just the right way. I'd call it a perfectly fine movie, except for a disastrous twist and implausible ending.
I'm glad I watched it for the excuse to hang with the fam, and it'll settle in nicely with Dead Poets Society, My Girl, and other generally feel-good stories except that not all the main characters finish the race.
Two troubled, emotionally volatile people find their way to a huge, elegant and mostly vacant summer place on the beaches of North Carolina. She's a caretaking employee, he's a popular surgeon visiting the family whose mother he tragically lost during a routine cosmetic procedure. Eventually they each take on their personal struggles as the result of a couple of passionate nights (aided by some hurricane-induced snuggling) - she battling an ex-husband and resentful daughter, he coldly estranged from his patient and his son. These are believeable problems, and the solutions soften the heart in just the right way. I'd call it a perfectly fine movie, except for a disastrous twist and implausible ending.
I'm glad I watched it for the excuse to hang with the fam, and it'll settle in nicely with Dead Poets Society, My Girl, and other generally feel-good stories except that not all the main characters finish the race.
Sneaking Around Town
Here's an unofficial rundown (pardon the pun) of our exercise at Hatteras.
Day 1. Joe ran for 40 minutes. Dena, Darren and Zina ran for 30 minutes. Dona and Troy a little closer to 15.
Day 2. Joe 40. Dena, Darren, and Zina 30. Dona a little closer to 15.
Day 3. Joe 40. Dena and Darren 30.
Day 4. Joe 40.
Day 5. Joe 40. Dena and Darren 30.
Day 6. Joe and Dena 40.
We ran at about 8:15 each day. It was a nice way to stretch the legs and work up a real sweat (aided greatly by the humidity of that large body of water 50 yards away). And since I ran without sunscreen, it gave a little extra boost to the tan on my face, arms and legs.
Day 1. Joe ran for 40 minutes. Dena, Darren and Zina ran for 30 minutes. Dona and Troy a little closer to 15.
Day 2. Joe 40. Dena, Darren, and Zina 30. Dona a little closer to 15.
Day 3. Joe 40. Dena and Darren 30.
Day 4. Joe 40.
Day 5. Joe 40. Dena and Darren 30.
Day 6. Joe and Dena 40.
We ran at about 8:15 each day. It was a nice way to stretch the legs and work up a real sweat (aided greatly by the humidity of that large body of water 50 yards away). And since I ran without sunscreen, it gave a little extra boost to the tan on my face, arms and legs.
Rays Of Glory
We had picture perfect weather for most of our week, with temperatures between 70 and 80 degrees. This allowed me to experiment a bit with sun tanning.
1. SPF 30 worked just fine. In past years I'd done SPF 50.
2. The first day or two I tried my normal (or should I say Normal) routine - two hours at a stretch, flipping over every half hour. I quickly found that I was near broiling in the second hour, so I started breaking every hour for 30-60 minutes. That gave me a good 3-4 hours of sun time per day. I think that helped me set the family standard for most hours outside without a sunburn.
The results were completely acceptable... a good base tan to launch the upcoming summer months!
1. SPF 30 worked just fine. In past years I'd done SPF 50.
2. The first day or two I tried my normal (or should I say Normal) routine - two hours at a stretch, flipping over every half hour. I quickly found that I was near broiling in the second hour, so I started breaking every hour for 30-60 minutes. That gave me a good 3-4 hours of sun time per day. I think that helped me set the family standard for most hours outside without a sunburn.
The results were completely acceptable... a good base tan to launch the upcoming summer months!
Flight Plans
We had a fine experience flying with Delta airline for our vacation!
I awoke to the sound of expletives - either our 4:30 alarm didn't go off, or we slept through it until 4:50. But since we'd packed up well, and I'd showered the night before, we still got to the airport with a good half hour to spare before our 6:05 flight.
One point of comparison... when we arrived at the airport we noticed a fire truck with lights flashing, and inside an alarm was buzzing with corpse-raising power. And the line for Air Tran was 30 people deep, with announcers explaining delays and solutions. The Delta line was one person long.
The flight attendants were all a mixture of soothing professionalism and comic relief. For example, in explaining that our flight out of town had 1 of 2 lavatories broken and was also out of coffee, our attendant remarked that although it should be "against the Geneva Convention" to fly like that, we would do so. Another attendant on the way home, after explaining the procedures for fastening the seat belt joked "if you have any questions, please raise your hand and I'll escort you off the plane."
Our flights arrived at their destinations early. There were plenty of snacks and drinks provided.
We learned some lessons for you aspiring travelers who like us haven't been aboard a plane in two years:
1. Wear shoes that are easy to slip off - all passengers must do so to avoid sneaking deadly stuff aboard in them.
2. My nail clippers were not taken from me, as in old days. Evidently a study must have concluded that they are no more dangerous than pens (which were always okay).
3. The coins in my wallet didn't set off any alarms, like I thought they would.
4. There's a limit on size of liquids. Dena and my various toiletries were all jettisoned... soaps, toothpaste, contact solution, conditioner, shampoo, sunscreen you name it. We had to replace about $50 of stuff at the store when we arrived.
I awoke to the sound of expletives - either our 4:30 alarm didn't go off, or we slept through it until 4:50. But since we'd packed up well, and I'd showered the night before, we still got to the airport with a good half hour to spare before our 6:05 flight.
One point of comparison... when we arrived at the airport we noticed a fire truck with lights flashing, and inside an alarm was buzzing with corpse-raising power. And the line for Air Tran was 30 people deep, with announcers explaining delays and solutions. The Delta line was one person long.
The flight attendants were all a mixture of soothing professionalism and comic relief. For example, in explaining that our flight out of town had 1 of 2 lavatories broken and was also out of coffee, our attendant remarked that although it should be "against the Geneva Convention" to fly like that, we would do so. Another attendant on the way home, after explaining the procedures for fastening the seat belt joked "if you have any questions, please raise your hand and I'll escort you off the plane."
Our flights arrived at their destinations early. There were plenty of snacks and drinks provided.
We learned some lessons for you aspiring travelers who like us haven't been aboard a plane in two years:
1. Wear shoes that are easy to slip off - all passengers must do so to avoid sneaking deadly stuff aboard in them.
2. My nail clippers were not taken from me, as in old days. Evidently a study must have concluded that they are no more dangerous than pens (which were always okay).
3. The coins in my wallet didn't set off any alarms, like I thought they would.
4. There's a limit on size of liquids. Dena and my various toiletries were all jettisoned... soaps, toothpaste, contact solution, conditioner, shampoo, sunscreen you name it. We had to replace about $50 of stuff at the store when we arrived.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)