Walking A Few Smiles

"If you have a tail, then wag it. If you don't, then smile." - David Lieberman

Lately when I walk around I try to smile rather than to have no expression. That makes it easier to make eye contact, and comes in handy during the littlest awkward situations. Like when I was walking behind a woman into work yesterday and she suddenly stopped short to open her umbrella. I did a little jig to get around her, and since I had a smile on my face it turned a potentially sour moment into a funny one.

Insulting My Wife

It was an accident, honest:

"You're as sweet as a lemon."

Love And Politics

"We must stand against crimes that are meant not only to break bones but to break spirits. No one in America should ever be afraid to walk down the street holding the hands of the person they love." - Barack Obama, regarding legislation which categorizes as hate crimes those committed against homosexuals

Being Present

"Numerous studies conclude that the more you interact with someone, the more he or she will like you."

"Studies conclude that if he started out not liking you and gradually came around to liking you, he will eventually like you more than if he had liked you right from he beginning."

- David Lieberman

When I changed jobs I was thrust into some projects which were basically attempting to resolve long-standing conflicts. Those conflicts remain, but I imagine that what has drawn the most success is not the end product, but the respect around it. E-mail debates may solve things technically, but do little personally. Personal interaction, with genuine listening and validation of the nuggets of truth on all sides, builds productive teams.

Let Biting Dogs Live

"Yield larger things to which you can show no more than equal right; and yield lesser ones, though clearly your own. Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite." - Abraham Lincoln

Said another way, choose which hill you're willing to die on. What is the addiction to being right over every little thing? Even if we were perfect, does anyone truly care for a perfect person? People come to like those who are similar, and we're all similar in our vulnerability.

Today I was in a meeting on a topic in which I had all the answers. And other people had many of the answers too. So as much as I could, I sat quietly, until someone asked my opinion. When someone said something wrong, I sat quietly, and someone else corrected things. Successful is the person who chooses the role of helper over the role of master.

Strong To The Finish

"I yam what I yam, that's all that I yam." - Popeye

Why not be comfortable?

Blue Lines

Joe Paterno's older than Shirley Temple, and has been coaching the blue-and-white Penn State football team for 60 years.

"What you need to do in your life is paint blue lines everywhere. Paint a blue line around your classes, so when you go in there, you are not thinking about football. Paint a blue line around your relationships, so you are giving your all to the person you are with."

I have a rule: Never think about work except at work! It's gained me a lot of sleep and happiness.

Innermost Cave

"The late Joseph Campbell, a great teacher and mythologist, described a phenomenon that is often found in stories of life-of-death struggles. It is the moment when the hero finds himself or herself inside what Campbell called the 'Innermost Cave.' The Innermost Cave is that point in a long and arduous journey or battle when all he hero's resources are exhausted. Even the inner resources of self-confidence become useless. Inside this Innermost Cave, the hero will either fall into despair and be defeated, and the journey will end, or he or she will spontaneously develop some new ability and survive to fight another day." - Brad Cohen

With The End In Mind

One of the seven habits of highly effective people is to begin with the end in mind - in other words what story will our lives tell at our funeral? And to spend our time writing that story through our thoughts and our actions.

Today we attended a memorial service for a family member that I thought was my style.

- a poem
- a few scripted testimonials from family
- a couple songs
- "open mic" for anyone who wished to say a few words (and a few did)
- a closing prayer

Then, for this motorcycle fanatic, a 1970's rock song with the sounds of motorcycles revving played softly as people exited.

Simple, personal, creative, fun and brief! The way life is.

Toast Song

Click on the link to enjoy a song dedicated to one of my favorite munchies...

Not To Mention Right After A Sneeze

"We feel good when we give, when we love, and when we help." - David Lieberman

Stifling Fear's Fire

"What she didn't understand was that I personally could absolutely not use Tourette's as an excuse. Even if I believed that it was the reason I couldn't get a job - even if I knew for a fact that it was the reason I wasn't being hired - I couldn't let myself say those words out loud. That would give the reality of it too much weight. By that point, my quest to become a teacher was completely linked to my drive for survival. If I was going to exist with any degree of dignity and independence, then I had no choice but to prove that Tourette syndrome would never get the best of me." - Brad Cohen

In the smaller trifles of the day, we stand guard over the survival of our own happiness and dignity. Landslides start with loose pebbles. We choose to champion each moment.

The Union

"My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or to destroy slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that." - Abraham Lincoln

Budget talks are ongoing at work, which contends goals with resources as usual. The stress of deciding appropriate staffing can bring out the worst in selfishness, unless we're strong enough to take our eyes off of our own chairs and seize the goal of the best price/quality balance for our customers.

Kiwanis Young Professionals Club

On Thursday night I attended an introductory meeting of this newly forming club in our community. It's the product of both Bloomington and Normal Kiwanis Club efforts, targeting a group that I fall just on the fringes on, as a late-thirties, married person.

A second meeting was called for Tuesday night. I definitely like evening meetings more than crack-of-dawn ones, in fact it's a must-have for pretty much anything I do.

Kiwanis' has an appropriate and nobly stated mission of serving the communities and children of the world. Even though I'm a marginal "kid person" at best, in a sense we're all someone's children right? So I guess I qualify on that technicality.

To make another six-hour and $20 monthly commitment to anything, I'm thinking there's got to be a strong social element to it. It takes a certain kind of personality to inspire me, so I'll tag along a while and see what culture unfolds in the group before deciding whether or not I would fit.

S&P 500 Annual Returns

Clicking on the link leads to historical annual returns for the S&P 500 index. It's interesting to see a 25-year return still at over 9% even on the backside of this historic recession. My retirement projections assume 7% pretax return, and the 25-year return has never been less than 7%.

Staying Alive

"Just to be alive is enough." - Shunryu Suzuki

Oh, to reach that point! Monks can do it. The infirm must do it to survive.

Inanity Defense

From Reader's Digest's list of unfortunate criminals:

"Marlon Moore of Miami filed a fraudulent tax return, and the IRS promptly sent him a $10,000 refund. So figuring, Why not try my luck again?, he sent in three more tax returns. But even the IRS raised an eyebrow at cutting him a check for the total amount of the refunds: $14 trillion. Moore pleaded guilty to cashing the $10,000 check."

Bunch Of Winers

Why do they serve wine at religious functions? I think it's because the only way to get guys comfortable talking about theology is to ply them with liquor. Where did Jesus find his first recruits? Bunch of sailors, sitting on a beach. First miracle? Hanging out by the wine table at a wedding. Parables about wineskins, vineyards. The guy was no dummy. Planning to die after supper? "Waiter, another round for me and the boys... just put it on my tab."

R.I.P. Goals

"I like deadlines. I like the 'whooshing' sound they make as they fly by." - Anonymous

More Good Fortune

Just managed to beat the computer at level 10 in Wordscraper (Scrabble) on Facebook, 478-444.

Talking Your Way To Better Service

From a co-worker. If anyone wants the "pretty" version of this, give me your e-mail address and I'll shoot it over.

The 10 important words to say:
I apologize for our mistake. Let me make it right.

The 9 important words to say:
Thank you for your business. Please come back again.

The 8 important words to say:
I’m not sure, but I will find out.

The 7 important words to say:
What else can I do for you?

The 6 important words to say:
What is most convenient for you?

The 5 important words to say:
How may I serve you?

The 4 important words to say:
How did we do?

The 3 important words to say:
Glad you’re here!

The 2 important words to say:
Thank you.

The 1 important word to say:
Yes.

A Really Good Day

This might have been my best day of the year.

I ran a meeting at work that flowed like a dream - interesting guest speakers showed up on time, good questions, good laughs, and good information.

Got back to my desk with 5 minutes to spare before my meeting with my supervisor. In that span, learned that one major project in turmoil for several months took a significant step closer to completion, and another controversial project was cancelled.

Then my boss opened up the meeting with a major piece of good news about our unit's plans for 2009.

Today was a delicious Bosses' Day lunch, and the group that sat at my table had fun conversation and even played a little Hangman.

Everyone who came to me with questions throughout the day, I answered on the spot - no extended research projects to be launched.

I asked one co-worker if he'd had a chance to follow up on a troubling case involving a policyholder, and he'd taken care of it.

Got my stitches removed today from my back, and I didn't even feel it. The biopsy verified what I'd been told all along - the cyst was benign.

Dropped by the gym for an hour of cardio. Found two new work shirts at Bergner's.

Got home and saw that my Sports Illustrated mag had arrived.

Some days, God just decides that everything will go right.

I'm off to buy a lottery ticket...

Dena's Brunettes

Dena set out to make "blondies" as a treat for our small group tomorrow - you know, chocolate-chip cookies in the shape of a brownie - and they turned out to be "brunettes" when the chocolate chips melted in the warm batter. So she put butterscotch chips in there once the batter had cooled a bit.

When I came up from the basement later, the powerful scent of baking chocolate just about buckled my knees! And I don't even eat sugary snacks.

Whoever thinks that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, can take a short cut through his nostrils...

Getting Personal

"In my opinion, leadership relies very heavily on face-to-face communication - especially in the areas of building relationships and establishing trust. Accordingly, our coaching staff has strategically increased the amount of personal time we spend with our players." - Mike Krzyzewski

Countless times I've hit the delete key when trying to send a sensitive message via e-mail in the right tone. Phone calls are better; meetings better still! And trust greases the wheels of the tough times. Spending the early times building a bond of vulnerability is a worthwhile investment!

Batty Congress

Click on the link. Gridlock in the funniest possible light!

Mr. Phil

Can someone explain to me why doctors are addressed by their profession? Who else does this?

"Hello, I'm Dr. Smith."
"Pleased to meet you, Doctor. I'm Actuary McDonald, and this is my wife Graphic Designer McDonald."

"I'm a Doctor of Optometry."
"She's a Designer of Really Cool Logos."

"I got my Doctorate at Johns Hopkins University."
"She got her Macintosh at Best Buy."

Why does this make sense? Are their real first names that embarrassing? And who thought that that abbreviation was a good idea? Just shove the first and last letter together and stick a period at the end.

"Hi I'm Phil, but how about you just call me Pl."
"And this is my son, Mow My Back Yard Jones."

Narrow-Mindedness

A question asked "What is narrow-mindedness?"

I thought, "It's one person telling another he's wrong when he says that it might not rain tomorrow."

Never Give Up, Football Style

Click on the title. This is awesome.

Changing And Succeeding

"'How do you stay number one when your environment is changing so rapidly?' I'm asked. Well, the answer is really fairly simple. You have a choice. You can either change with the environment or you will eventually fail. A leader has to find a way to win.

The question is not whether or not you should change. The question is how you should change." - Mike Krzyzewski

Breathing Deeply

"It's over, I thought. No principal will ever look past my disability. It seemed clear that Tourette's had finally gotten the better of me for real. It had stopped me from doing the thing I had always wanted most to do: teach kids and let them find joy n learning. For a while I just sat there, watching cars whiz by.

By this point in the deepening summer, a thought that I'd been fighting for months was becoming more and more insistent. What if no one will hire me because I have Tourette's How many other principals are going to see me as merely a victim of Tourette syndrome instead of an educated and qualified teacher?

Then I breathed deeply and felt my lungs fill with air. I told myself to erase any thought of giving up. Plenty of doors had been slammed in my face before, and things somehow always managed to work out." - Brad Cohen

Fun And War

"I couldn't wait to launch into the ongoing daily battle for their attention, for their learning, and for their respect." - Brad Cohen, elementary school teacher

That's the heart of a lion... to enjoy the battle with the resolve never to give up!

Unnecessary Quotes

Click on the title to find the many ways in which quotation marks can be misused! Many, many, many... here's the URL also:

http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

Shaking That Thing

"But my life with Tourette's has made me realize that everyone has a 'thing' that haunts them in some way.l It might be prejudice or chronic illness. it might be physical limitations or life circumstances or ego or pride or jealousy or hate, but everyone has their thing. When we can control the thing, we feel empowered and optimistic. But when the thing wins, we travel the road to despair. The key is to find a road that leads around you particular limitation, a road that maybe has more bends in it but gets you to the same point in the end." - Brad Cohen

Unless It Says "Redrum"

"Do not follow the idea of others, but learn to listen to the voice within yourself. Your body and your mind will become clear and you will realize the unity in all things." - Dogen

99% Perspiration, 1% Show Up?

"I once heard a high school coach tell a kid that it was not his job to motivate players, that they should show up motivated. Well, I just shook my head. I could not disagree more with a statement like that. I believe the main job of a coach is to motivate. The main job of a leader is to inspire." - Mike Krzyzewski

Inspire how, coach?

"And for me personally, the best thing about my profession is that I can teach. The personal relationships that are developed, the impact that I'm able to have on the young people in their development as human beings, is incredibly worthwhile to me."

"Trying to do your best, learning about your limits, and then trying to extend them - this is the proper perspective for a leader to have. As teachers and coaches, we should remember that when mere winning is our only goal, we are doomed to disappointment and failure. But when our goal is to try to do our best, when our focus is on preparation and sacrifice and effort - instead of on numbers on the scoreboard - we will never lose."

So there it is - who doesn't feel better when they're growing in some way? Teachers do this naturally. Inspiration comes from lifting others up.

Passion With Patience

There's a difference between being involved and being committed. For years I've been the treasurer of our condominium board, and enjoyed it all the while. Meanwhile, other causes have come and gone, some deeply like Leadership McLean County or participation in the church band.

What's the difference? I think it's the balance between passion and patience.

When that commitment grows to a deeper level, and that passion kicks in and the activity becomes a part of your identity, you invest greatly in it. You spend time dreaming excitedly about what could be. And since the best laid plans often change, it takes an equal depth of patience to adapt that vision.

And frankly, I could hardly care less about home ownership! So all around me other Board members discuss matters of landscaping, maintenance and other items more passionately than me. Meanwhile I fulfill a basic and essential function without being overly uplifted or discouraged by the winds of change.

So I continue the march with fascination to see if there's a cause out there which captures not only my passion, but my patience. And by that time, I may be the longest-running condo board treasurer in the county!

Those Relatives We Hardly Talk About

"Performance in business is relative, not absolute." - Bill Pioli

If in a day's work you produce ten units, how good is that? If it's houses, that's fantastic; if Q-Tips, not so much.

Absolutes are both comforting and disconcerting. A rule granting a maximum of 3 days leave due to family illness is a manager's dream in its simple consistency and fairness, but a nightmare when faced with the employee who is the only living child able to support a 95-year old mother in the final stages of cancer an hour away.

Is anything absolute? That one plus one is two, seemingly; that we exist; that we prefer pleasure to pain, joy to sadness, life to death. To wander even this far into concepts of right and wrong raises advocates for and against, and before long, what do we have? Opposite sets of absolutes. Or to me, relativity.

Mr. Wrong Person

"No company has enough resources to get the wrong person to do the right thing." - Bill Pioli

Bill's point is that it's necessary to pick the right people for the job. If there's a mismatch betwween your people and the work that needs to be done, then the culture of just-getting-by will hold back your team from its goals. Successful teammates are gung-ho at the outset, dip into a bit of an abyss as the honeymoon effect wears off, and then climbs steadily in productivity as they settle in for the long haul. Whereas "coasters," as a productivity curve, literally and figuratively flatline!

Bumps Away

This morning I had cosmetic surgery. Yep, even signed a sheet declaring such (in case there was any confusion for insurance purposes). The surgery to remove a cyst on my back, delayed in May, finally got done in about a half-hour's time.

Kudos to the doctor, she and her assistant kept up some lively conversation during the procedure, starting with a jab or two with a numbing injection needle (which I was expecting) and then what felt like a few test slices with the scalpel (which I wasn't..."Did you feel that?" "Yes...") until the meds took effect.

Baseball, vacation, and other idle chit-chat, a bunch of tugging sensations then "All gone!"

Where once was a protrusion is now a bandage and, in 24 hours, a linear scar. After that I'm welcome to shower freely. And in ten days the stitches come out, along with a customary biopsy. And afterward Dena and I "recuperated" from the experience over a celebratory breakfast at Wildberries.

No weight lifting for a while, so I'll have something to look up to when I resume... a mediocre 145-pound bench press set of 15 was my max yesterday.

Not exactly liposuction, but a satisfying experience nonetheless!

Gaffe-Free VP

"And I find that people, generally, want to be on a team. They want to be part of something bigger than themselves. They want to be in a situation where they feel that they are doing something for the greater good." - Mike Krzyzewski

On Friday Dena officially became Vice President of the Normal Kiwanis club. She is definitely a walking example of being called to do something for the greater good! Rising before 6 a.m. on some weekdays, attending Board meetings late at night, serving meals at the homeless shelter on Saturday afternoons.

And fortunately she is a VP who is not prone to gaffes - yet! One speaker during the ceremony got to talking about the club's goals and history. At one point, trying to make a point that the club had had one of the first women presidents after Kiwanis formally allowed them in 1987, sort of mistimed his pauses when he declared: "Did you know that Anne was a woman prior to 1987... there were no women presidents in Kiwanis!"

It's a fun club...

Super Vision

I think that people in leadership positions are more effective if they convince themselves that they are required to make eye contact with those nearby and give a friendly greeting as they walk along. At the most, it conveys a certain confidence and also plants the positive seeds of a caring environment. At the least, it prevents self-conscious people from a misplaced perception of anger or dislike. "Why didn't he acknowledge me? What does he think of me? Is he mad at me? What did I do wrong?"

How many times has a supervisor, lost in his own thoughts, failed to acknowledge a subordinate who walked right past? It's amazing what turmoil can be created so accidentally. Supervisors are entrusted with keys to a piece of the organization. Any good driver knows to avoid spacing out while in motion!

Cutler And Me

Jay Cutler has led the Bears to a 3-1 record to start the NFL season. With a reputation for having whined his way out of Denver to join the Bears, I occasionally find myself thinking "Whatever you do, Jay, just don't start acting up. Things will screw up from time to time, your teammates will make mistakes, you'll make mistakes, a losing streak will happen, maybe a long one. What will matter most is your character, how you keep your poise and optimism during those times." And then I head into another week, face a little adversity, and black clouds swell up like a summer squall. When that happens, maybe it's time to pretend that I'm Jay Cutler, and the profound disappointment that people would feel from the outside. That kind of perspective is worth it, even if it comes without millions of dollars!

Faith Like Potatoes

This is a movie about a white South African who sadly moves with his wife and children off the farm that his family has owned for generations.

The war-torn region provides the backdrop for the nearly penniless clan who settles on a rough patch of land in an RV without even a nearby water source. The increasingly stressed farmer with the Scottish accent and temper finds himself distancing from his devout Christian wife.

Pills don't calm his nerves. Hiring shifty local Zulu tribesmen seems to create more cost than benefit.

Practically dragged by his wife to a gathering at the local Methodist church, his life takes a dramatic turn.

If you're the type who believes in altar-call Christianity and "ask and you shall receive," then rent this one and watch it with your spouse. Tragedy becomes triumph with the aid of God, faith and hard work. And the special features provide a documentary on this true life story!

Defining Ourselves As Successful

"Although I was distressed by the controversy my behaviours were causing at home and at school, all in all I was curiously upbeat much of the time. Some scrap of identity was left for me by my defining myself as a unique and original person, despite the obvious social stigma. Compared to so me of my blander classmates, I never had the problem of walking around feeling unnoticed. I chose to see that as a positive thing." - Brad Cohen

Walking Right

"A good leader presents an image that gives confidence to his team. And I make it a point to transform that image to the players by encouraging them to walk right, to stand right, to look good. 'If you want to be a really good player,' I tell them, 'you have to walk like a good player.'" - Mike Krzyzewski

Slight Difference

"It's amazing to me, whether I'm considering my own life or someone else's, how often I see examples of people reacting with anger or pain to a personal slight without being able to realize that they are in a situation in which they have another choice: they can decide that the comment or behavior they consider hurtful might also be legitimately classified as a flattering piece of attention." - Brad Cohen, 2nd grade teacher afflicted with Tourette's Syndrome

Same Kind Of Different As Me

Jane recommended a fantastic book!

These are the real-life memoirs of millionaire art dealer Ron Hall and homeless former cotton-picker Denver Moore.

Moore, shuffled from place to place growing up in a surprisingly slave-friendly Louisiana in the 1940's, ultimately hops a train to Texas and runs afoul enough of the law to spend a decade in prison.

Hall, a lower middle-class kid whose talents lead him to material glory, has the kind of angst toward the less fortunate not uncommon by those in his situation.

What they have in common is Deborah, Ron's wife who eschews the riches of her life and colorfully envisions a bright future for the homeless. Persistent and bold, she becomes a fixture of the homeless community, starting with weekly volunteerism at the shelter.

But this is more than the tale of two unlikely friends, each writing in a style befitting his education. It's a book of spiritual inspiration starting with Deborah's vision in which Denver, by that time a hardened cuss, becomes a pillar of the community. As that vision slowly becomes reality, life's twists and turns test the faith of all to the extreme.

I could hardly put this thing down. Find a way to read this if you can. Thanks Jane!

Life Is But A Gleam

"Life is a candle before the wind." - Japanese proverb

Two Things

"If I could have two things in one: the peace of the grave, and the light of the sun." - Edna St. Vincent Millay

Deep Thought

From my friend Matt Giordano:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.