This cracked me up even before I replayed it to figure out the lyrics of this commercial about a grown-up with a childish phone plan.
Good luck, good luck, it's a big, big, day...
Good luck, good luck, Harold's on his way
With his big boy phone in the big city!
Good luck, good luck, good luck!
Try singing this to yourself during that Monday morning staff meeting!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
90 Grand
The odometer on the trusty Saturn crossed 90,000 recently. Bought her on June 12, 1999. Within a couple months we were en route to Branson, Missouri with the new family, having crossed our 1-year anniversary in March. A wide-load trailer was hauling half of a house down the interstate through St. Louis, and a stray shingle flew loose to scratch her windshield with a bang. That scratch still sits there, a youthful scar carried into maturity. Since then she's had a good part of her engine rebuilt. She's seen me leave the actuarial department for eight years, and be brought back. Been sideswiped and had two doors replaced. Drove Dad to a chemo treatment, and us to his funeral. Carried me on 3,000 round trips to the office or so. Shrugs off dust at the next good rainfall. Hosted only a handful of rear-seat passengers, mostly adorable nieces born after the day I bought her... but still enough to justify staying a four-door sedan man. The sun visor sags from years of gravity, and unexplainable random patterns of slits cross the roof, as if wrinkles gathering around her eyes. She's seen me cycle up to and down from the apex of church life, up to and down from the leadership of a department. Her tires are original, the next part to be replaced. That is, if the relationship should continue? "I love my little car." Said it numerous times when squeezing her into cramped parking spots abandoned by others. Yet she is just an object, albeit one I've spent the equivalent of 80 straight days inside. I gazed through the kitchen window, overlooking her sitting in the only parking lot she's known to be home all her life, stout even in the shadow of the F-150 in the adjacent spot and the thousands of vehicles that have towered over her. If the good Lord sees a turning point for me to a new phase of life within a few years, I figured I'd like her to be by my side until then. She's outlived the company that made her. I think she'd like to see me outlive the company that made me. And she'll look darn good gripping the road in new shoes until she hits 120,000.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The 14 Most Unintentionally Terrifying Statues In The World
With props to Rob for posting the link first, this R-rated assessment of terrifying statues gave us the chuckles for a good 20 minutes this evening.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Formula For Success?
You can't give them an inch. The organization cannot trust the individual, the individual must trust the organization. Any other way would be building on a marshy foundation that could collapse at any time." - Ray Kroc
That philosophy worked pretty well for the driving force behind the McDonald's franchise. It's hard to dispute the most famous brand in the world. And it's always comforting to be able to spell my name to vendors by saying "like the restaurant." Still, he allowed his franchisees to develop menu items after flopping at his attempt to create the meatless "Hula Burger" with its pineapple center to accommodate Good Fridays. People need to express their individuality in order to grow. Organizations grow when people grow.
That philosophy worked pretty well for the driving force behind the McDonald's franchise. It's hard to dispute the most famous brand in the world. And it's always comforting to be able to spell my name to vendors by saying "like the restaurant." Still, he allowed his franchisees to develop menu items after flopping at his attempt to create the meatless "Hula Burger" with its pineapple center to accommodate Good Fridays. People need to express their individuality in order to grow. Organizations grow when people grow.
Warm Up With Weights, Then Go To Cardio. Right? Wrong.
I'm in the same boat as the author on this one. My instinct is to get the blood flowing with some cardio before yanking heavy weights around. Guess it's time to listen to other sources.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Risen Sun
Late Easter holidays mean that they can be spent in thanks to God in more places of worship. Not only the corporate ones like beautiful church buildings across the land, but the personal ones like sunny stretches of space among the sweet smells of spring. On this day as we celebrate the countless seen and unseen blessings in our lives, the sun made a cameo appearance long enough this morning to warm the hearts of those basking out in the great garden of Earth.
Happy Easter to all!
Happy Easter to all!
8 Best Supermarket Sweets
Check your pantries and see how you match up in this list of best and worst healthy sweets to keep on your property!
Inside-The-Park Home Blunder
C'mon, admit it. If you've played organized ball you've had at least one moment when you felt as bad as Hunter Pence did on this play...
'The Greatest Movie Ever Sold' Trailer
I'm curious to see this one! I saw Super Size Me too. Mockumentaries rule.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Vitamin D Bath
Time to do some light deck reading and let the skin drink in a bit of Mother Nature's rays of vitamin D. The senses are dizzily overwhelmed by the trappings of budding season.
Warm, indecisive breezes rustling the hostas.
Faint hum of a lawnmower trimming the grass in the distance.
Patchy clouds chasing each other easily across the sky.
Delighted birds conferencing in trill tones about nest-planning.
The clattering of a dropped ladder to the ground as the handyman yells "Aw, &*!%#!"
It's a day to sit still, breathe deeply, and count the many similar days to come!
Warm, indecisive breezes rustling the hostas.
Faint hum of a lawnmower trimming the grass in the distance.
Patchy clouds chasing each other easily across the sky.
Delighted birds conferencing in trill tones about nest-planning.
The clattering of a dropped ladder to the ground as the handyman yells "Aw, &*!%#!"
It's a day to sit still, breathe deeply, and count the many similar days to come!
Happiness Project Week 1
I've been participating in this online project for a week now. A couple random times a day I get an e-mail survey asking random questions to assess my current mental state.
How am I feeling, on a sliding scale of very bad to very good?
Do I want to be doing what I'm doing at the moment?
Do I have to be doing it?
How focused am I on what I'm currently doing?
Where am I, who am I with, am I interacting with anyone?
Was I evaluating my thoughts?
I think that last one is a key to happiness. In meditation, a person acknowledges thoughts as objects and then dismisses them like a stray gnat, so as to keep the mind clear. Even when not meditation, plenty of thoughts show up at the mind's door that deserve the same treatment.
This week Rob and I just about melted brain cells trying to unlock a puzzling problem at work. We took a break and I realized how high my irritability meter was. Time to step back. Is it really this big a deal, or is there an easier way? Before long the solution presented itself.
How am I feeling, on a sliding scale of very bad to very good?
Do I want to be doing what I'm doing at the moment?
Do I have to be doing it?
How focused am I on what I'm currently doing?
Where am I, who am I with, am I interacting with anyone?
Was I evaluating my thoughts?
I think that last one is a key to happiness. In meditation, a person acknowledges thoughts as objects and then dismisses them like a stray gnat, so as to keep the mind clear. Even when not meditation, plenty of thoughts show up at the mind's door that deserve the same treatment.
This week Rob and I just about melted brain cells trying to unlock a puzzling problem at work. We took a break and I realized how high my irritability meter was. Time to step back. Is it really this big a deal, or is there an easier way? Before long the solution presented itself.
Biker Gang
Due to a recent series of jammed toes and balky back incidents, I"d been trying to figure out how to keep burning fat without taking a pounding. Behold the stationary bicycle! Not the kind you have in a spinning class - no, the kind that makes you feel like you're on a low-riding three-wheeler. With a TV affixed to the front and your legs stretched out in front of you as if in a car, it's a veritable living room on wheels. Read a magazine. Catch the Real Housewives of Orange County (kidding). No stress on the joints or digits. What surprised me was that despite the relatively relaxing set up I can still get my heart rate close to 140 beats a minute, the prime fat-burning zone for thirtysomethings. And now Dena's digging it too. Plus there's the usual advantage of stationary equipment that two people can exercise at different speeds and keep a conversation going. I think they call these things "recumbent" bikes. How about "exercycles"? Or simply awesome.
Low Interest
We have a certificate of deposit coming due at the bank for the condo association. Time to look around and see what kind of rates are out there in the market. When interest rates are rising it's a good idea to invest short, so a quick scan at 3-month CDs shows...
0.6%?
A year??
I could walk down the street and find a small child willing to give me a better rate of return than that. As long as I gave him candy and something shiny.
The treasurer is out looking at other banks, and Dena got me a quote from the one she works at. If any Hidden Blogger wants to put in a bid for $50,000, we're listening.
0.6%?
A year??
I could walk down the street and find a small child willing to give me a better rate of return than that. As long as I gave him candy and something shiny.
The treasurer is out looking at other banks, and Dena got me a quote from the one she works at. If any Hidden Blogger wants to put in a bid for $50,000, we're listening.
Overall Perspective
I'm going to be performing in Calvary United Methodist Church's skits for their vacation Bible school this year. The theme is agriculture, meaning that my character will likely be dressed as a farmer. I grew up across the road from a farm, until they bulldozed it for a subdivision 25 years ago. I own no boots, straw hats, baggy overalls or generally anything that one would wear out in the dirt, except softball cleats. Ideas and donations are welcome!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Skipping Along
So the boss runs this bi-weekly staff meeting, usually and around-the-room kind of thing.
Two meetings ago, when he got to me, he looks at me and says "We'll skip Joe," then moves on to the next person.
Yesterday he spares himself a few syllables, and just calls out the name of the next person. Efficiency!
You know that an employee has truly given his all to the company when he manages to make his own job obsolete. Just gotta remember to change goals by the time I get home!
Two meetings ago, when he got to me, he looks at me and says "We'll skip Joe," then moves on to the next person.
Yesterday he spares himself a few syllables, and just calls out the name of the next person. Efficiency!
You know that an employee has truly given his all to the company when he manages to make his own job obsolete. Just gotta remember to change goals by the time I get home!
Happy 20th
It's the 20th of the month! I'm a fan. Not of April 20, just the 20th of the month in general. We need more excuses in life to celebrate. Why not make some up? The last month's featured plenty of excitement. A breathless run to the basketball state finals followed by a surprisingly fast crop of students to launch the volunteer tutoring career. I've made new acquaintances in the NCHS counseling department and got a chance to glimpse ACT prep class. Daylight savings time kicked in. A few doctor's visits yielded good results. A tedious back injury was a blessing in disguise, helping Dena and I discover the fruits of stationary biking. Fun outings with the Youngs and Hillegasses. Fantasy basketball victory. And steadily rising temps!
Happy 20th! Here's to the next one.
Happy 20th! Here's to the next one.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Paralyzed Bride Walks Down The Aisle
For some the idea of reading their own vows is the hardest part. For others, just getting to the altar is more than half the fun...
Dona, No Need To Read This Unalarming Post
Planes are statistically the safest vehicle of transportation. So far, even when lasers are pointed into the cockpit from the ground.
ACTing With Sympathy
I participated in my first math ACT prep session last Thursday night.
The way it works is that parents pay $10 to enroll their child in the 2-hour course. Mrs. S (a former college softball player and genuinely all-around sunny person) led off by giving some test strategies. For example, sometimes since they give you five answers to choose from, it's fastest just to plug in the answers to the given formula one at a time until one of them works. Another strategy that sounds funny but is soberingly real: Answer the question that's asked! Just because you figured out that x=3 and one of the listed answers is "3"... doesn't make it the right answer if the question is asking what the value of y is. Stuff like that.
Ten students had been signed up for our section, deemed the lower level section. There was also a middle level and higher level session going on in other rooms. As of the start time, we had... zero. Just as we started to gather up our things to head out and help one of the other rooms, a student walked in.
"Got a calculator?" Mrs. S asked. Nope. Off Mrs. S went to go fetch one for her.
Student #2 walked in. Grasping a chance to contribute, I said "Got a calculator?" He politely pointed to the calculator on his desk, while no doubt wondering who this blind guy was.
As the class began I scribbled notes diligently. After a half hour of overview (including the % of the test that is geometry, the approximate number you have to get right out of 60 in order to get an ACT score of 20, etc.), she handed out a sample exam for the students to work.
She looked at me. Want to go one-on-one, or team up? I interpreted the question to mean: Do I want to help tutor, or just watch her tutor them both? Being the leadership type, I said one-on-one. Since there was a female and a male student, it felt proper for me to help the male.
I did... so-so. Honestly the hour felt like three hours. This student was lacking the basics. When you don't know that a straight line is 180 degrees, and given that two-thirds of the exam is geometry or harder, the upside is pretty low. He was a tough, wiry dude and stuck it out despite not getting a question right for the last 30 minutes. Hey, at least he showed up and got something for his parents' money. And I learned a lesson that if you want to truly use an ACT prep class to increase someone's score, you need to structure it WAY longer than two hours.
In fact, ACT prep is probably best used merely as a chance to refine the test-taking strategy. Perhaps there could be a separate "geometry review" class or "algebra review" class to do the heavier lifting for students who have a big knowledge gap. It would be all semester long, maybe an hour or so once a week. Something that a person retired from a corporate job could do with his free time. Hmmm.
The way it works is that parents pay $10 to enroll their child in the 2-hour course. Mrs. S (a former college softball player and genuinely all-around sunny person) led off by giving some test strategies. For example, sometimes since they give you five answers to choose from, it's fastest just to plug in the answers to the given formula one at a time until one of them works. Another strategy that sounds funny but is soberingly real: Answer the question that's asked! Just because you figured out that x=3 and one of the listed answers is "3"... doesn't make it the right answer if the question is asking what the value of y is. Stuff like that.
Ten students had been signed up for our section, deemed the lower level section. There was also a middle level and higher level session going on in other rooms. As of the start time, we had... zero. Just as we started to gather up our things to head out and help one of the other rooms, a student walked in.
"Got a calculator?" Mrs. S asked. Nope. Off Mrs. S went to go fetch one for her.
Student #2 walked in. Grasping a chance to contribute, I said "Got a calculator?" He politely pointed to the calculator on his desk, while no doubt wondering who this blind guy was.
As the class began I scribbled notes diligently. After a half hour of overview (including the % of the test that is geometry, the approximate number you have to get right out of 60 in order to get an ACT score of 20, etc.), she handed out a sample exam for the students to work.
She looked at me. Want to go one-on-one, or team up? I interpreted the question to mean: Do I want to help tutor, or just watch her tutor them both? Being the leadership type, I said one-on-one. Since there was a female and a male student, it felt proper for me to help the male.
I did... so-so. Honestly the hour felt like three hours. This student was lacking the basics. When you don't know that a straight line is 180 degrees, and given that two-thirds of the exam is geometry or harder, the upside is pretty low. He was a tough, wiry dude and stuck it out despite not getting a question right for the last 30 minutes. Hey, at least he showed up and got something for his parents' money. And I learned a lesson that if you want to truly use an ACT prep class to increase someone's score, you need to structure it WAY longer than two hours.
In fact, ACT prep is probably best used merely as a chance to refine the test-taking strategy. Perhaps there could be a separate "geometry review" class or "algebra review" class to do the heavier lifting for students who have a big knowledge gap. It would be all semester long, maybe an hour or so once a week. Something that a person retired from a corporate job could do with his free time. Hmmm.
Fantasy Hoops Champion
Another fortunate season of fantasy basketball victory!
The team started out in a bad way. The center position was especially weak. Roy Hibbert showed some promise, and Blake Griffin was a gamble. Some observers would be surprised to hear that Griffin turned out to be a bad gamble for the most part, since his atrocious free throw percentage, middling (for a center) shooting percentage and lack of assists/steals/blocks made him a poor man's version of Dwight Howard (who, in this league format, is also pretty poor himself).
My #1 pick Steve Nash had a decent but unspectacular start.
David Lee, my #2 pick, got injured in a freak accident.
Channing Frye, one of my three point shooting assets, was awful... so awful that I dumped him.
However, things turned around when I took advantage of Griffin's media popularity for his high-flying dunks, picking up Tyson Chandler as a double-double machine.
Manu Ginobli overachieved, especially in steals, keeping me afloat.
Lee got hot.
I picked up Chuck Hayes and Shane Battier, basically giving up on doing well in points in exchange for increased returns in assist/steal/block categories... which paid off handsomely.
Ray Allen was steady all year.
The key to victory in the end was the low turnover rate of the entire team. Despite logging more games of stats and any other team, I had just the fifth-most turnovers.
With three weeks to go in the season, I picked up some short-term picks with good shooting, free throw, and rebounding averages.
I pulled into first place with two weeks to go and led to the finish.
Once again focus and determination overcomes obstacles to take the win!
The team started out in a bad way. The center position was especially weak. Roy Hibbert showed some promise, and Blake Griffin was a gamble. Some observers would be surprised to hear that Griffin turned out to be a bad gamble for the most part, since his atrocious free throw percentage, middling (for a center) shooting percentage and lack of assists/steals/blocks made him a poor man's version of Dwight Howard (who, in this league format, is also pretty poor himself).
My #1 pick Steve Nash had a decent but unspectacular start.
David Lee, my #2 pick, got injured in a freak accident.
Channing Frye, one of my three point shooting assets, was awful... so awful that I dumped him.
However, things turned around when I took advantage of Griffin's media popularity for his high-flying dunks, picking up Tyson Chandler as a double-double machine.
Manu Ginobli overachieved, especially in steals, keeping me afloat.
Lee got hot.
I picked up Chuck Hayes and Shane Battier, basically giving up on doing well in points in exchange for increased returns in assist/steal/block categories... which paid off handsomely.
Ray Allen was steady all year.
The key to victory in the end was the low turnover rate of the entire team. Despite logging more games of stats and any other team, I had just the fifth-most turnovers.
With three weeks to go in the season, I picked up some short-term picks with good shooting, free throw, and rebounding averages.
I pulled into first place with two weeks to go and led to the finish.
Once again focus and determination overcomes obstacles to take the win!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Happiness Project
I came across a site called trackyourhappiness.org. It surveys you a couple times a day as to how happy you are at the moment. It started off by asking some baseline questions. Good reflection for oneself!
Overall, how satisfied are you with your life as a whole?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your car?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your leisure time?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your present job?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your financial situation?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your home?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your life as a whole?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your car?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your leisure time?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your present job?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your financial situation?
Overall, how satisfied are you with your home?
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Ideas For Living
IFL is the name of a segment in a magazine that solicits "an idea that you think fellow readers would benefit from." 150 words or less. I gave it a whirl with an e-submission this evening.
"I read that three ingredients to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for. So why not look for new adventures nearby?
My wife and I love to skim the catalog of "community education" courses offered by the local community college. We may not sign up for Arabic Part 2, but I did try out an Introduction to Voice Acting class. That eventually led to an opportunity to volunteer as the after-hours telephone voice for a local charity.
We both enjoy sports, so I volunteered to keep statistics for the town high school basketball team. Before long I was invited to help coach, which has also been fun for her as a fan.
Exciting life paths lie just outside our front door, waiting for us to follow our interests through and discover them!"
"I read that three ingredients to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for. So why not look for new adventures nearby?
My wife and I love to skim the catalog of "community education" courses offered by the local community college. We may not sign up for Arabic Part 2, but I did try out an Introduction to Voice Acting class. That eventually led to an opportunity to volunteer as the after-hours telephone voice for a local charity.
We both enjoy sports, so I volunteered to keep statistics for the town high school basketball team. Before long I was invited to help coach, which has also been fun for her as a fan.
Exciting life paths lie just outside our front door, waiting for us to follow our interests through and discover them!"
Running For Chief?
There was a knock on my door this lazy afternoon.
I opened the door. There stood a stocky, goateed man in a suit and tie.
"Would you be willing to vote for me?" he began in short order.
"S-sure..." I said with affable hesitation. "What are you running for?"
He gave his name to me and extended his hand. I looked at it through my screen door without moving.
At this point he brought out a pamphlet of magazines.
"I wanted to be a fireman, but for certain reasons I'm going in a different direction. If I accumulate enough points, then I get to be fire chief," he said.
I restrained the urge to corkscrew my face into a mask of bewilderment, amusement, and uneasiness." However, I did keep my eye contact away from his.
"Do you have any advice that you'd like to share with me in my goal of becoming chief?"
I offered one of my favorite two keys of great leaders. "Be persistent," I said. Remembering in the next instant that he was in the process of trying to sell me magazines, I wished that I'd said "Be humble" instead.
"Did I wake you from sleeping, sir?" he asked with a note of concern. "No," I replied with a note of annoyance.
"I'm not really interested in buying magazines," I said to match my body language.
He proceeded to talk about things other than magazines, while continuing to extend magazines toward me. I reached around the door and took one of the leaflets, thinking that he would leave me to examine them and decide whether or not to make a purchase at my leisure. Instead he took the conversation to a new level of in-your-faceness.
"I have a sponsor here with me today. If I were to give you a comment card would you say that I'm the nicest guy who's come to your door today?"
"Yes," I said with guarded accuracy (technically speaking).
Here's a graduate of Salesmanship 101. Or, if he and his possibly fictitious sponsor were nearby, perhaps Casing The Joint 101. Maybe even Evangelizing 101, with the curtain waiting to rise on his pivot from fire-chief-candidate-in-a-magazine-sales-based-election to a recipe for checking into heaven?
Now he brought out a clipboard. "May I please have your first name, sir?"
Ballgame!
I opened the door. There stood a stocky, goateed man in a suit and tie.
"Would you be willing to vote for me?" he began in short order.
"S-sure..." I said with affable hesitation. "What are you running for?"
He gave his name to me and extended his hand. I looked at it through my screen door without moving.
At this point he brought out a pamphlet of magazines.
"I wanted to be a fireman, but for certain reasons I'm going in a different direction. If I accumulate enough points, then I get to be fire chief," he said.
I restrained the urge to corkscrew my face into a mask of bewilderment, amusement, and uneasiness." However, I did keep my eye contact away from his.
"Do you have any advice that you'd like to share with me in my goal of becoming chief?"
I offered one of my favorite two keys of great leaders. "Be persistent," I said. Remembering in the next instant that he was in the process of trying to sell me magazines, I wished that I'd said "Be humble" instead.
"Did I wake you from sleeping, sir?" he asked with a note of concern. "No," I replied with a note of annoyance.
"I'm not really interested in buying magazines," I said to match my body language.
He proceeded to talk about things other than magazines, while continuing to extend magazines toward me. I reached around the door and took one of the leaflets, thinking that he would leave me to examine them and decide whether or not to make a purchase at my leisure. Instead he took the conversation to a new level of in-your-faceness.
"I have a sponsor here with me today. If I were to give you a comment card would you say that I'm the nicest guy who's come to your door today?"
"Yes," I said with guarded accuracy (technically speaking).
Here's a graduate of Salesmanship 101. Or, if he and his possibly fictitious sponsor were nearby, perhaps Casing The Joint 101. Maybe even Evangelizing 101, with the curtain waiting to rise on his pivot from fire-chief-candidate-in-a-magazine-sales-based-election to a recipe for checking into heaven?
Now he brought out a clipboard. "May I please have your first name, sir?"
Ballgame!
Drug-Free Solutions
From Men's Health:
Instead of antidepressants, spend a little time in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT). It's a three-minute breathing space. Focus on how your body feels as well as what you're thinking and feeling right now. Then shift your attention to your breathing to further bring yourself into the present moment. Finally, expand your awareness back out to your entire body while deliberately breathing in and out.
Instead of antiviral medications to combat the flu, try a simple humidifier. The airborne influenza virus survives longer in dry air.
Instead of antidepressants, spend a little time in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT). It's a three-minute breathing space. Focus on how your body feels as well as what you're thinking and feeling right now. Then shift your attention to your breathing to further bring yourself into the present moment. Finally, expand your awareness back out to your entire body while deliberately breathing in and out.
Instead of antiviral medications to combat the flu, try a simple humidifier. The airborne influenza virus survives longer in dry air.
Friday, April 15, 2011
World's Oldest Man Dies At 114
GREAT FALLS, Mont. – Walter Breuning's earliest memories stretched back 111 years, before home entertainment came with a twist of the radio dial. They were of his grandfather's tales of killing Southerners in the Civil War.
Breuning was 3 and horrified: "I thought that was a hell of a thing to say."
But the stories stuck, becoming the first building blocks into what would develop into a deceptively simple philosophy that Breuning, the world's oldest man at 114 before he died Thursday, credited to his longevity.
Here's the world's oldest man's secret to a long life:
• Embrace change, even when the change slaps you in the face. ("Every change is good.")
• Eat two meals a day ("That's all you need.")
• Work as long as you can ("That money's going to come in handy.")
• Help others ("The more you do for others, the better shape you're in.")
Then there's the hardest part. It's a lesson Breuning said he learned from his grandfather: Accept death.
"We're going to die. Some people are scared of dying. Never be afraid to die. Because you're born to die," he said.
Breuning was 3 and horrified: "I thought that was a hell of a thing to say."
But the stories stuck, becoming the first building blocks into what would develop into a deceptively simple philosophy that Breuning, the world's oldest man at 114 before he died Thursday, credited to his longevity.
Here's the world's oldest man's secret to a long life:
• Embrace change, even when the change slaps you in the face. ("Every change is good.")
• Eat two meals a day ("That's all you need.")
• Work as long as you can ("That money's going to come in handy.")
• Help others ("The more you do for others, the better shape you're in.")
Then there's the hardest part. It's a lesson Breuning said he learned from his grandfather: Accept death.
"We're going to die. Some people are scared of dying. Never be afraid to die. Because you're born to die," he said.
One Of A Kind
Today during a conversation Dena used the phrase "strangely crumbless." I'm pretty sure that's the first time this year that "strangely crumbless" was spoken in McLean County, but I can't prove it. If any Hidden Bloggers have heard it before, please speak up!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Plump Guy With No Appetite
The slant of this article reads to me as if the man has failed yet again.
My question is, how many of us would get up and endure grueling workouts day after day if we had $31 million in the bank? Yes, it appears he should have worked much harder to display integrity consistent with such a huge contract. At the same time, why promise so much money to a 21 year old? Once the team released him, he no longer would seem to owe anyone. So as to whether he's truly hit a "new low" by failing to rediscover the urge to... well... work, when he absolutely no longer needs to... seems to vilify him a bit too much.
My question is, how many of us would get up and endure grueling workouts day after day if we had $31 million in the bank? Yes, it appears he should have worked much harder to display integrity consistent with such a huge contract. At the same time, why promise so much money to a 21 year old? Once the team released him, he no longer would seem to owe anyone. So as to whether he's truly hit a "new low" by failing to rediscover the urge to... well... work, when he absolutely no longer needs to... seems to vilify him a bit too much.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The Grass Is Greener In A Snowier State?
After seeing this list, I guess I'll cancel any thoughts of moving to Texas. At least for a while.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Might Be A Substitute Teacher Today
Seen in the Walmart parking lot: A big yellow school bus.
Question: What was today's lesson?
Question: What was today's lesson?
Riding The River
"I've learned the one thing you can't do. As much as you would like to be able to change people, you can't. They have to be willing to change themselves." - Doug Collins
Why fuss against the river? God made it that way. Ride the current to the next good place.
Why fuss against the river? God made it that way. Ride the current to the next good place.
Monday, April 11, 2011
State Farm In The Community
From the Pantagraph:
A letter to the editor the other day questioned Bloomington-based State Farm Insurance Cos., wondering if the company does enough for the community in which it resides.
I don’t care to get directly involved in the letter writer’s issue.
State Farm does employ 15,100 people here.
It does pay millions in local taxes each year.
It does keep a solid influx of newbies dropping in on B-N, keeping it a little more fresh perhaps than, say, a Peoria, with its industrial Caterpillar.
It puts so much money into studies at Illinois State University that, just last week, the university renamed a huge building the State Farm Hall of Business.
But have you ever thought about what this town would be like without State Farm?
Ever mulled what would have happened if founder George J. Mecherle — instead of launching his company in 1922 — had just kept farming in Merna and not started his company, which then was a three-employee operation, but today has 65,900 employees nationwide, and 18,000 agents?
There’d be no Mecherle Drive.
State Farm Plaza probably would still be mud and a series of Funks Hybrid signs.
Bloomington would be without its tallest building not related to higher learning.
We’d probably be nothing more than a small college town, like Charleston or Macomb or Carbondale — 25,000 people, not 130,000.
Unit 5 and District 87 wouldn’t have all those schools. Veterans Parkway would probably still just be a belt around town. Two lanes might have been more than enough.
Eastside subdivisions like Hawthorne Hills and Hedgewood would probably still be more like Soybean Plains and Lotsa Corn Way.
Almost every baseball field and athletic complex in America would not have one of those “State Farm” signs hanging somewhere.
Rust would only bring to mind oxidized metal or a Ziebart check-up, not a company CEO.
There’d be more tractor pulls, but fewer retail, food or other choices, and not nearly as many coupons in the Sunday paper.
The airport would still be a hangar, a weather vane and a concrete strip used predominantly by weekend Pipers.
If you do a bit of research and scroll back issues of The Pantagraph, you discover that 1922 was a big year in Bloomington-Normal — although no one at the time probably realized it.
The first paved road from Bloomington to Chicago was finished, opening a “new era in transportation,” as it was hailed it. Today it is Interstate 55.
For the first time, 5-year-olds began going to school here. They called it “kindergarten.”
Officials announced a broadening of the county’s “summer youth agricultural exposition” and started calling it “a 4-H Fair.” It remains today.
Interestingly, in 1922, Bloomington-Normal’s population had shrunk to 32,868 (Bloomington’s was 27,725; Normal’s was 5,143) and officials were quoted in The Pantagraph as saying they were growing worried about a population spiral that had wedged us behind Danville in a head count.
That’s when Mecherle, at age 45, decided after 25 years of farming it was time to do something else with his life.
... and auto.
... and fire.
Today, his mid-life gambit has millions of customers.
By George, it appears he made it.
And, it appears, via George, he made Bloomington-Normal, too.
A letter to the editor the other day questioned Bloomington-based State Farm Insurance Cos., wondering if the company does enough for the community in which it resides.
I don’t care to get directly involved in the letter writer’s issue.
State Farm does employ 15,100 people here.
It does pay millions in local taxes each year.
It does keep a solid influx of newbies dropping in on B-N, keeping it a little more fresh perhaps than, say, a Peoria, with its industrial Caterpillar.
It puts so much money into studies at Illinois State University that, just last week, the university renamed a huge building the State Farm Hall of Business.
But have you ever thought about what this town would be like without State Farm?
Ever mulled what would have happened if founder George J. Mecherle — instead of launching his company in 1922 — had just kept farming in Merna and not started his company, which then was a three-employee operation, but today has 65,900 employees nationwide, and 18,000 agents?
There’d be no Mecherle Drive.
State Farm Plaza probably would still be mud and a series of Funks Hybrid signs.
Bloomington would be without its tallest building not related to higher learning.
We’d probably be nothing more than a small college town, like Charleston or Macomb or Carbondale — 25,000 people, not 130,000.
Unit 5 and District 87 wouldn’t have all those schools. Veterans Parkway would probably still just be a belt around town. Two lanes might have been more than enough.
Eastside subdivisions like Hawthorne Hills and Hedgewood would probably still be more like Soybean Plains and Lotsa Corn Way.
Almost every baseball field and athletic complex in America would not have one of those “State Farm” signs hanging somewhere.
Rust would only bring to mind oxidized metal or a Ziebart check-up, not a company CEO.
There’d be more tractor pulls, but fewer retail, food or other choices, and not nearly as many coupons in the Sunday paper.
The airport would still be a hangar, a weather vane and a concrete strip used predominantly by weekend Pipers.
If you do a bit of research and scroll back issues of The Pantagraph, you discover that 1922 was a big year in Bloomington-Normal — although no one at the time probably realized it.
The first paved road from Bloomington to Chicago was finished, opening a “new era in transportation,” as it was hailed it. Today it is Interstate 55.
For the first time, 5-year-olds began going to school here. They called it “kindergarten.”
Officials announced a broadening of the county’s “summer youth agricultural exposition” and started calling it “a 4-H Fair.” It remains today.
Interestingly, in 1922, Bloomington-Normal’s population had shrunk to 32,868 (Bloomington’s was 27,725; Normal’s was 5,143) and officials were quoted in The Pantagraph as saying they were growing worried about a population spiral that had wedged us behind Danville in a head count.
That’s when Mecherle, at age 45, decided after 25 years of farming it was time to do something else with his life.
... and auto.
... and fire.
Today, his mid-life gambit has millions of customers.
By George, it appears he made it.
And, it appears, via George, he made Bloomington-Normal, too.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Six Exercise Machines You Must Avoid
It looks like Dena and I will have to switch weight routines.
Squats, adductors, and lat pulls have all been in our routines, but there might be better substitutes.
I recently visited with Dr. Dustman the knee specialist, who recommended that I say away from lunges and squats and stick to things like soccer and basketball (which, it should be noted, made me a candidate for a back specialist).
Squats, adductors, and lat pulls have all been in our routines, but there might be better substitutes.
I recently visited with Dr. Dustman the knee specialist, who recommended that I say away from lunges and squats and stick to things like soccer and basketball (which, it should be noted, made me a candidate for a back specialist).
Jack Stand-Up
Lights, camera, action! Jack wrote a comedy monologue and hit the stage.
Kudos to the man living the life of the free spirit in the California sun.
Softball, sand, and surf.
Happy belated birthday bro, you are the McDonald family beacon of the west coast!
This clip is rated R.
Kudos to the man living the life of the free spirit in the California sun.
Softball, sand, and surf.
Happy belated birthday bro, you are the McDonald family beacon of the west coast!
This clip is rated R.
Here's A Non-Blank Blog Post For You
I saw an advertisement for an "anti-gravity" chair at the store today. I thought all chairs were anti-gravity. Can someone show me what a pro-gravity chair looks like? Does it sink deep into the earth when you sit on it? Maybe the anti-gravity chair does more than just break even in the battle against gravity like most chairs, but launches you into the air. Who would buy that? At least their attorneys can say they warned us.
The same logic baffles me about no-kill animal shelters. Doesn't the "shelter" part suffice to get that message across? They call the other things "slaughter houses." Relax, animal shelter attorneys! No one will confuse the two.
The same logic baffles me about no-kill animal shelters. Doesn't the "shelter" part suffice to get that message across? They call the other things "slaughter houses." Relax, animal shelter attorneys! No one will confuse the two.
Paradise Preview
This is the kind of weekend that allows a desk laborer to feel like a millionaire.
Waking up to the glow of sunshine in the window.
Gazing outdoors to a faceful of warm breeze.
Settle down in the living room for a bite of breakfast, browsing through the morning news while a ceiling fan circles gently overhead.
Stroll to the car, sliding on the shades against the bright blue sky.
Sixty minute massage.
Start the afternoon with a movie, then off to a late uncrowded lunch with Dena at Chili's with part of the proceeds go to charity.
Amble down the Constitution Trail, taking in a few rays of sunshine while burning of some calories. Each breath brings the aroma of warm earth, fresh cut grass, budding blossoms. Kids playing baseball at the park through the tree cover. Bicycles steered by flip-flopped riders, gliding up and down the pavement.
We drive to Four Seasons and exercise with weights for the first time since the back started healing a couple weeks ago. Shop for a couple clothing items at Kohl's.
Sit out on the sun deck in shorts for a half hour - enough to inaugurate the shiny season to come. Reading up on some ACT prep class material for a fun Thursday evening.
DVR some Law and Order while folding laundry and catching up on some bills.
Pop in a Seinfeld DVD and nod off for an evening nap that ends up stretching all night long. The bliss of an empty schedule. The morning's refreshed and ready for another care free 80 degree sunny day.
Some people aspire to get a bigger office. Me too - the great outdoors!
Waking up to the glow of sunshine in the window.
Gazing outdoors to a faceful of warm breeze.
Settle down in the living room for a bite of breakfast, browsing through the morning news while a ceiling fan circles gently overhead.
Stroll to the car, sliding on the shades against the bright blue sky.
Sixty minute massage.
Start the afternoon with a movie, then off to a late uncrowded lunch with Dena at Chili's with part of the proceeds go to charity.
Amble down the Constitution Trail, taking in a few rays of sunshine while burning of some calories. Each breath brings the aroma of warm earth, fresh cut grass, budding blossoms. Kids playing baseball at the park through the tree cover. Bicycles steered by flip-flopped riders, gliding up and down the pavement.
We drive to Four Seasons and exercise with weights for the first time since the back started healing a couple weeks ago. Shop for a couple clothing items at Kohl's.
Sit out on the sun deck in shorts for a half hour - enough to inaugurate the shiny season to come. Reading up on some ACT prep class material for a fun Thursday evening.
DVR some Law and Order while folding laundry and catching up on some bills.
Pop in a Seinfeld DVD and nod off for an evening nap that ends up stretching all night long. The bliss of an empty schedule. The morning's refreshed and ready for another care free 80 degree sunny day.
Some people aspire to get a bigger office. Me too - the great outdoors!
A Heckle Of A Good Time
Four top-ranked insults from baseball fans:
4. "Do you want my autograph?"
3. "How can you eat with those hands?"
2. "You've got less hits than an Amish website!"
1. "How's your Japanese?"
4. "Do you want my autograph?"
3. "How can you eat with those hands?"
2. "You've got less hits than an Amish website!"
1. "How's your Japanese?"
Blues Away
From Men's Health:
Performing five acts of kindness every week could boost your happiness by as much as 40 percent, research shows. You don't even have to spend cash: Let a car merge ahead of you in traffic, pick up litter, give advice to a colleague.
Performing five acts of kindness every week could boost your happiness by as much as 40 percent, research shows. You don't even have to spend cash: Let a car merge ahead of you in traffic, pick up litter, give advice to a colleague.
A Great Time To Call Me
To stave off stress:
"I turn my phones off and sit, focusing on my breathing, for 5 minutes twice a day. Thoughts come up and I acknowledge them, and I let them go. Eventually my mind becomes quiet. It may sound flaky, but research shows that mindfulness-based drills not only ease anxiety but also sharpen attention span and lower blood pressure." - Dr. James N. Dillard
I think I've found my mental exercise for the week! That ability to acknowledge a thought then dismiss it is a favorite of mine, a great way to relieve the spectrum of negative emotions from anxiety through anger.
"I turn my phones off and sit, focusing on my breathing, for 5 minutes twice a day. Thoughts come up and I acknowledge them, and I let them go. Eventually my mind becomes quiet. It may sound flaky, but research shows that mindfulness-based drills not only ease anxiety but also sharpen attention span and lower blood pressure." - Dr. James N. Dillard
I think I've found my mental exercise for the week! That ability to acknowledge a thought then dismiss it is a favorite of mine, a great way to relieve the spectrum of negative emotions from anxiety through anger.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Thunderstorms Force PGA Organizers To Move Masters Indoors
In my senior year of college we got reprimanded for golfing in the hallway. Fortunately the Professional Golf Association is on board with us.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Feel Like A Million Dollars?
Drew Carey does, but not nearly as much as this Price Is Right contestant...
Lives can be forever changed in as little as ten seconds!
Lives can be forever changed in as little as ten seconds!
Dumb Luck
People have incredible luck. Like on game shows.
Or closer to home.
When I'm heading to an appointment a bit late and all the lights are green.
When I'm shopping, and happen to get the cheeriest cashier at Wal-Mart.
When I take a day off to rest from election judging, and happen to get the nicest weather of the spring.
When I watch one of my math tutorees whip through an assignment with little help from me. He'd been turning in 30% of his homework and now is perfect over two weeks.
When I think about the basketball coaching and math tutoring opportunities that've come to me through people stumbling upon Hidden Blog.
When I get a chance to help with ACT prep classes.
When someone finds a product I'd been looking for, for some time.
When my staff gets monthly and quarterly reports done in my absence.
Or closer to home.
When I'm heading to an appointment a bit late and all the lights are green.
When I'm shopping, and happen to get the cheeriest cashier at Wal-Mart.
When I take a day off to rest from election judging, and happen to get the nicest weather of the spring.
When I watch one of my math tutorees whip through an assignment with little help from me. He'd been turning in 30% of his homework and now is perfect over two weeks.
When I think about the basketball coaching and math tutoring opportunities that've come to me through people stumbling upon Hidden Blog.
When I get a chance to help with ACT prep classes.
When someone finds a product I'd been looking for, for some time.
When my staff gets monthly and quarterly reports done in my absence.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Election Judgery
Stream of consciousness notes from the journal of an election judge. Dena and my first time judging together!
4:30 Alarm. Gotta get to the precinct "between 5:00 and 5:30." Showered last night. Shaved last night. Even deodorant last night. Fell asleep at 1:30 last night. Fog begins to lift.
4:45 Short-cropped hair allows for rise-n-go. Glasses, no contacts. Comfy clothes. Sweats. Dress can't hint political - Democratic party judges (yours truly... all judges must pick a party even if they have no party) can't all wear blue for example.
5:05 Survival kit is packed in a canvas shopping bag. Water bottle. Bag of apples. Avanti's gondola bought the night before. Assortment of magazines (none of which end up being read, as it turns out). Cell phone. Couple of Coke Zeroes in case of caffeine-required emergency.
5:15 Roll into church (polling place) parking lot. Door is locked. Joyce the other judge is there. (Wait... usually ten judges... today three?) Morning chill is too cold to stand outside in. Back to the car, crank the heater.
5:30 Church is still locked. Polls open at 6:00 a.m.
5:45 Still locked. Ummm...
5:46 Joyce makes a phone call.
5:50 Pastor arrives to unlock facility. Overslept.
5:52 How do we calibrate the electronic ballot box?
5:53 Why is the TouchScreen printer not working? Someone call the Techies (high school student specialists on call for election day).
5:54 Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to spool the printer tape?
5:55 Really? Only three judges?
5:56 Why doesn't the listed election day hotline number work? Out of service.
6:00 Hello, voter #1. What's that you say? The signs outside that signal this as the polling place are facing the wrong way (parallel to the street, so can't read until driving past them)?
6:05 Re-orient the signs. Drive the stakes into the ground. Better.
7:00 Draggin'. Manning station 1, the voter check-in station. Sitting on a metal folding chair. Got my eye on a wheeled padded chair in the corner. Meanwhile since I'm out of sight line for people coming down the hall toward the room entrance, I take mini-naps until someone shows up at the door.
8:15 Voter (to me): "James E. Fleitsch."
Me (announcing the voter to station #2 which then validates the voter's signature): "Jamie E. Fricks."
Mr. Fleitsch: "No, James E. Fleitsch."
Me (to station #2): "F-L-E-I-T-C-H."
Mr. Fleitsch (to station #2): "No, F-L-E-I-T-S-C-H."
Me: (stupefied silence, thinking about my next nap)
8:30 Voter who works for the radio station comes in. FBI choppers are in Bloomington air space. A drug bust? A meth lab? What? For real or not?
9:00 Donuts from HQ! And a packet with articles and games for bored election judges. Beast! Sugar rush injects new life.
9:30 Techies enter to work on TouchScreen printer. They call HQ. Follow instructions. Sound unconvinced. Trust the system and leave. Diagnosis: Printer is touchy, but okay to use.
10:00 Four hours in. 67 votes so far out of 1,437 in the precinct. 4%. Didn't think we'd top 10% in a non-federal springtime election. We're on pace to top it though. Time to switch to station #2 for a four hour shift.
10:30 Donut #2 in full swing, chased by an apple for fresh-mouth scrubbed feeling. The Ibuprofen I popped at 10:00 may be contributing to my high too.
10:45 Techies are called because the TouchScreen printer has broken. They call HQ. Tone is a bit more skeptical this time. Work on the printer. Berate the computer and wish it dead (to paraphrase).
11:00 The signs by the road are GONE! Run out there. What possible black market value could "Normal Precinct 5" sign have? Oh, the 30 mph gusty wind blew them over. It occurs to me why the signs were turned in their original direction. Dilemma: Nearly unreadable sideways sign, or readable-but-possibly-frequently-toppled sign? Go with the latter. Stomp on it extra hard to ground it.
11:30 85 votes. Still plugging along at one vote every 4 minutes or so.
11:45 Hey! My phone gets Internet, how about that. Thought it was too primitive. Mail check. Spam, spam, random uninteresting Facebook post. Awesome.
12:00 Call the Techies, the TouchScreen printer is broken again. Thank God only 3 have desired to vote that way (the rest do it on paper) so far. Techies dismantle the TouchScreen, drag it out, beat it in the parking lot. Install new TouchScreen. Works brilliantly.
12:30 I cast vote #100! Feel bad about the elderly couple I split up in order to be the magic voter. But not extremely so.
12:45 Stat it up! Youngest voter so far is 22, oldest is 89. Amazing how much older a 70something can act than an 89-year old. Spry, dude. A full 75% of voters so far have been OVER 60. One twentysomething. We have passed the halfway point (polls close at 7:00)! No evidence of sugar crash.
1:15 Hey, my old ISU mentor Dr. Edge is voting. He was key in getting my SF job. Forever indebted.
1:30 Apples-n-sugar diet continues with Joyce's home made cookies.
1:45 Dena's giving the hard-sell to voters about the TouchScreen. The number of users grows to 8 and stops. See demographic notes from 12:45.
2:00 Ibuprofen! The back's holding up remarkably well given my sedentary 14-hour odyssey. Rotate to station #3. 124 voters means that when I was at station #1 we had 67 voters, when Joyce rotated there we had 57. Superior salesmanship?
2:15 People keep wandering directly to station #2 rather than first stopping at station #1, despite the fact that station #1 has a bold-lettered sign that says "START HERE." Inspired for change, I scrawl a sign and mount it on station #2: "START THERE." With arrow pointing to station #1. In five minutes it is clear that no one reads signs. God knows how they decide who they're voting for, do they just make random dots in pleasing patterns?
3:45 Solved a level 4 (out of 5) Sudoku puzzle. On 3 hours' sleep. Huh. Maybe I was too well rested all those other times I'd tried.
4:00 Sugar crashing. Gondola snarfing. Onward.
6:00 One hour to go.. chasing 200 voter mark. Sun's shining. We're reading up on the close-out procedures so that we can get back to HQ quickly after polls close.
6:55 Voter #200! Final tally, 14% turnout. Abysmal, by most measures. However I did read an article saying that only 25% of the nation voted in the 1796 election. Just two decades after spilling blood to escape the British and gain democracy! I think it's like church. There's a core of utterly committed, and varying levels of interest beyond the core, ranging all the way out to the fair-weathered, or those who only come for the presidential elections.
7:00 Polls closed! My job is to fold up the TouchScreen. The directions are excellent. Therefore, I only nearly break the screen once, and the printer once.
7:30 Off to HQ. A cafeteria's set up. Chilling with Dena, celebrating how well it went, eagerly awaiting "the call" from the head office saying that our ballots were returned in good order and we can go home. Snacks, pop, a cozy booth. Before I can finish a soda, it's go time!
8:00 Time for a refreshing shower, swig an Ibuprofen, stretch out on the couch and drift off to the sounds and sights of Law & Order. No, wait, first to blog...
4:30 Alarm. Gotta get to the precinct "between 5:00 and 5:30." Showered last night. Shaved last night. Even deodorant last night. Fell asleep at 1:30 last night. Fog begins to lift.
4:45 Short-cropped hair allows for rise-n-go. Glasses, no contacts. Comfy clothes. Sweats. Dress can't hint political - Democratic party judges (yours truly... all judges must pick a party even if they have no party) can't all wear blue for example.
5:05 Survival kit is packed in a canvas shopping bag. Water bottle. Bag of apples. Avanti's gondola bought the night before. Assortment of magazines (none of which end up being read, as it turns out). Cell phone. Couple of Coke Zeroes in case of caffeine-required emergency.
5:15 Roll into church (polling place) parking lot. Door is locked. Joyce the other judge is there. (Wait... usually ten judges... today three?) Morning chill is too cold to stand outside in. Back to the car, crank the heater.
5:30 Church is still locked. Polls open at 6:00 a.m.
5:45 Still locked. Ummm...
5:46 Joyce makes a phone call.
5:50 Pastor arrives to unlock facility. Overslept.
5:52 How do we calibrate the electronic ballot box?
5:53 Why is the TouchScreen printer not working? Someone call the Techies (high school student specialists on call for election day).
5:54 Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to spool the printer tape?
5:55 Really? Only three judges?
5:56 Why doesn't the listed election day hotline number work? Out of service.
6:00 Hello, voter #1. What's that you say? The signs outside that signal this as the polling place are facing the wrong way (parallel to the street, so can't read until driving past them)?
6:05 Re-orient the signs. Drive the stakes into the ground. Better.
7:00 Draggin'. Manning station 1, the voter check-in station. Sitting on a metal folding chair. Got my eye on a wheeled padded chair in the corner. Meanwhile since I'm out of sight line for people coming down the hall toward the room entrance, I take mini-naps until someone shows up at the door.
8:15 Voter (to me): "James E. Fleitsch."
Me (announcing the voter to station #2 which then validates the voter's signature): "Jamie E. Fricks."
Mr. Fleitsch: "No, James E. Fleitsch."
Me (to station #2): "F-L-E-I-T-C-H."
Mr. Fleitsch (to station #2): "No, F-L-E-I-T-S-C-H."
Me: (stupefied silence, thinking about my next nap)
8:30 Voter who works for the radio station comes in. FBI choppers are in Bloomington air space. A drug bust? A meth lab? What? For real or not?
9:00 Donuts from HQ! And a packet with articles and games for bored election judges. Beast! Sugar rush injects new life.
9:30 Techies enter to work on TouchScreen printer. They call HQ. Follow instructions. Sound unconvinced. Trust the system and leave. Diagnosis: Printer is touchy, but okay to use.
10:00 Four hours in. 67 votes so far out of 1,437 in the precinct. 4%. Didn't think we'd top 10% in a non-federal springtime election. We're on pace to top it though. Time to switch to station #2 for a four hour shift.
10:30 Donut #2 in full swing, chased by an apple for fresh-mouth scrubbed feeling. The Ibuprofen I popped at 10:00 may be contributing to my high too.
10:45 Techies are called because the TouchScreen printer has broken. They call HQ. Tone is a bit more skeptical this time. Work on the printer. Berate the computer and wish it dead (to paraphrase).
11:00 The signs by the road are GONE! Run out there. What possible black market value could "Normal Precinct 5" sign have? Oh, the 30 mph gusty wind blew them over. It occurs to me why the signs were turned in their original direction. Dilemma: Nearly unreadable sideways sign, or readable-but-possibly-frequently-toppled sign? Go with the latter. Stomp on it extra hard to ground it.
11:30 85 votes. Still plugging along at one vote every 4 minutes or so.
11:45 Hey! My phone gets Internet, how about that. Thought it was too primitive. Mail check. Spam, spam, random uninteresting Facebook post. Awesome.
12:00 Call the Techies, the TouchScreen printer is broken again. Thank God only 3 have desired to vote that way (the rest do it on paper) so far. Techies dismantle the TouchScreen, drag it out, beat it in the parking lot. Install new TouchScreen. Works brilliantly.
12:30 I cast vote #100! Feel bad about the elderly couple I split up in order to be the magic voter. But not extremely so.
12:45 Stat it up! Youngest voter so far is 22, oldest is 89. Amazing how much older a 70something can act than an 89-year old. Spry, dude. A full 75% of voters so far have been OVER 60. One twentysomething. We have passed the halfway point (polls close at 7:00)! No evidence of sugar crash.
1:15 Hey, my old ISU mentor Dr. Edge is voting. He was key in getting my SF job. Forever indebted.
1:30 Apples-n-sugar diet continues with Joyce's home made cookies.
1:45 Dena's giving the hard-sell to voters about the TouchScreen. The number of users grows to 8 and stops. See demographic notes from 12:45.
2:00 Ibuprofen! The back's holding up remarkably well given my sedentary 14-hour odyssey. Rotate to station #3. 124 voters means that when I was at station #1 we had 67 voters, when Joyce rotated there we had 57. Superior salesmanship?
2:15 People keep wandering directly to station #2 rather than first stopping at station #1, despite the fact that station #1 has a bold-lettered sign that says "START HERE." Inspired for change, I scrawl a sign and mount it on station #2: "START THERE." With arrow pointing to station #1. In five minutes it is clear that no one reads signs. God knows how they decide who they're voting for, do they just make random dots in pleasing patterns?
3:45 Solved a level 4 (out of 5) Sudoku puzzle. On 3 hours' sleep. Huh. Maybe I was too well rested all those other times I'd tried.
4:00 Sugar crashing. Gondola snarfing. Onward.
6:00 One hour to go.. chasing 200 voter mark. Sun's shining. We're reading up on the close-out procedures so that we can get back to HQ quickly after polls close.
6:55 Voter #200! Final tally, 14% turnout. Abysmal, by most measures. However I did read an article saying that only 25% of the nation voted in the 1796 election. Just two decades after spilling blood to escape the British and gain democracy! I think it's like church. There's a core of utterly committed, and varying levels of interest beyond the core, ranging all the way out to the fair-weathered, or those who only come for the presidential elections.
7:00 Polls closed! My job is to fold up the TouchScreen. The directions are excellent. Therefore, I only nearly break the screen once, and the printer once.
7:30 Off to HQ. A cafeteria's set up. Chilling with Dena, celebrating how well it went, eagerly awaiting "the call" from the head office saying that our ballots were returned in good order and we can go home. Snacks, pop, a cozy booth. Before I can finish a soda, it's go time!
8:00 Time for a refreshing shower, swig an Ibuprofen, stretch out on the couch and drift off to the sounds and sights of Law & Order. No, wait, first to blog...
Monday, April 4, 2011
Good Stuff
Today's a good day to wrap up with some mental health exercise, since I'm laid up from physical exercise awhile longer while the back is on the mend.
Thanks today for...
- Leaving work caught up on all my projects.
- The back's improving (Ibuprofen!).
- Tomorrow Dena and I get to election judge together.
- The day after I have a vacation day.
- I got yet another math tutoring referral today.
- A little time with NBA Live 2006.
- The fantasy basketball team in 1st place.
- A successful discussion of placing new employees in the department.
- Thirty DVR'd episodes of Law & Order to choose from.
Usually it's smaller things that need more appreciation and attention. For today, that's good!
Thanks today for...
- Leaving work caught up on all my projects.
- The back's improving (Ibuprofen!).
- Tomorrow Dena and I get to election judge together.
- The day after I have a vacation day.
- I got yet another math tutoring referral today.
- A little time with NBA Live 2006.
- The fantasy basketball team in 1st place.
- A successful discussion of placing new employees in the department.
- Thirty DVR'd episodes of Law & Order to choose from.
Usually it's smaller things that need more appreciation and attention. For today, that's good!
Nazis In Bathing Suits
Even the best-laid plans can go bad. These plans, however, were not the best.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Chuck That
In entertainment news, Sheen's opening night act in Detroit turned out to be a colossal failure. The city's promoters are hoping for more success with their next comic event, Unabomber Plays With Big Piles Of Dynamite.
Letter Rip
What I want to do is mail a letter to myself. Then the mailman's got this moral dilemma whether to lug it all the way to the post office and back, or just to forge the post office stamp and leave it there.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Free Shot After The Free Shot
Does Chris Bosh technically get an assist on this LeBron James undefended dunk?
Friday, April 1, 2011
McDonald Diagnosed With Grover's Disease
A routine annual skin examination yielded a surprising diagnosis Friday, when Joe McDonald was diagnosed with Grover's Disease.
The disease contains several stages and its progression varies by the patient, Dr. Wisdom explained.
In stage 1, the skin experiences eraser-sized dots sensitive to heat and moisture which are prone to occasional itchiness. The skin may or may not respond to treatments such as a steroid-based cream.
While it seldom progresses past the first stage, advanced cases of the condition exhibit prevalent thick blue patches of fur, bulbous unblinking eyes, ballooned pink nose and emaciated arms. End-stage Grover's sufferers normally develop lips that are extraordinarily thin, wide, and red, with no discernible beginning or end. Despite loss of tongue and the inability to maneuver the lips to form letters other than random flapping of the lower jaw, speech is remarkably unimpaired, although voice pitch typically becomes more gravelly and cute.
Stage 5 Grover's Disease
McDonald's wife Dena was at her husband's side with one hand tucked behind his back, relaying the message to the press like a skilled puppeteer.
The disease contains several stages and its progression varies by the patient, Dr. Wisdom explained.
In stage 1, the skin experiences eraser-sized dots sensitive to heat and moisture which are prone to occasional itchiness. The skin may or may not respond to treatments such as a steroid-based cream.
While it seldom progresses past the first stage, advanced cases of the condition exhibit prevalent thick blue patches of fur, bulbous unblinking eyes, ballooned pink nose and emaciated arms. End-stage Grover's sufferers normally develop lips that are extraordinarily thin, wide, and red, with no discernible beginning or end. Despite loss of tongue and the inability to maneuver the lips to form letters other than random flapping of the lower jaw, speech is remarkably unimpaired, although voice pitch typically becomes more gravelly and cute.
Stage 5 Grover's Disease
McDonald's wife Dena was at her husband's side with one hand tucked behind his back, relaying the message to the press like a skilled puppeteer.
To Sleep Or Not To Sleep?
From Morieka Johnson, Mother Nature Network:
Q: Does putting my computer to sleep help extend the battery life? What else can I do to save energy and make my new computer last?
A: We’ve all heard stories about what's best for a computer’s battery. That’s why I was excited to make friends with Fred Peters, president of Huntington Beach IT Services.
In addition to teaching computing courses in Orange County, Calif., Peters happily makes house calls to revive frazzled computers and the people who rely on them.
Here are his expert tips on how to keep your new laptop running smoothly.
Sleep mode vs. shutting down
Peters notes that your work process will determine whether it’s more efficient to use “Sleep” mode or simply shut down the computer. “It is never fun to have to consistently wait any amount of time if the shut downs are too frequent,” he says. "‘Sleep’ requires more power, but it boots up faster, while ‘Hibernate’ uses less power, but takes longer to come online.” That same logic applies to shutting off your computer completely.
“Your computer will become obsolete before you wear out your computer by turning it on and off a lot,” he adds. “It also doesn't take more energy to start a computer than to keep it running.”
Sleep mode requires a constant, though reduced use of power (0-6 watts). Peters also notes that colorful screensavers do nothing to conserve energy. Accessing your computer remotely with the Wake on LAN feature also can drain the power.
To get the most for your money, Peters advises adjusting power settings so that it automatically goes into Sleep/Standby mode after about 15 minutes of inactivity, and then shut it down at the end of your day.
Bionic battery life
To get the most out of your computer battery, Peters says to you have to give it a workout. Don’t keep your machine plugged in to an outlet. Instead, discharge the battery daily.
Size does matter
By purchasing a laptop, Peters says that you are ahead in the energy-saving game. Laptops use about 15-60 watts, while desktops use 65-250 watts — plus another 15-80 watts for a monitor.
He also adds that you can further conserve energy by using an LCD monitor and ditching the high-end video card unless it’s absolutely necessary. Also, turn off printers and other peripherals when they are not in use.
To kill “vampire power,” TreeHugger.com suggests purchasing a power strip. With all peripherals connected to one source, it’s easy to simply flip the switch on power hogs any time.
Establish a backup process
In addition to Peters’ great advice about conserving energy, I discovered the hard way that it also pays to save backup versions of your work. Invest in an external hard drive to hold your digital music library, special photos, and other key documents. Frequent backups ensure that your data doesn’t die with your laptop.
While you are in the process of backing things up, create an emergency file (on good old-fashioned paper) that contains your computer’s serial number along with other key data such as your credit card numbers and phone numbers to reach each company, along with contact info to your insurance company. Access to that information is vital, particularly in the event of an accident, fire, computer theft, or other catastrophe.
Peters warns that those key pieces of information are not safe on your computer. If you are like me and absolutely need a digital holding space for those nuggets of information, he suggests sites like LastPass as your online vault.
Happy computing!
Q: Does putting my computer to sleep help extend the battery life? What else can I do to save energy and make my new computer last?
A: We’ve all heard stories about what's best for a computer’s battery. That’s why I was excited to make friends with Fred Peters, president of Huntington Beach IT Services.
In addition to teaching computing courses in Orange County, Calif., Peters happily makes house calls to revive frazzled computers and the people who rely on them.
Here are his expert tips on how to keep your new laptop running smoothly.
Sleep mode vs. shutting down
Peters notes that your work process will determine whether it’s more efficient to use “Sleep” mode or simply shut down the computer. “It is never fun to have to consistently wait any amount of time if the shut downs are too frequent,” he says. "‘Sleep’ requires more power, but it boots up faster, while ‘Hibernate’ uses less power, but takes longer to come online.” That same logic applies to shutting off your computer completely.
“Your computer will become obsolete before you wear out your computer by turning it on and off a lot,” he adds. “It also doesn't take more energy to start a computer than to keep it running.”
Sleep mode requires a constant, though reduced use of power (0-6 watts). Peters also notes that colorful screensavers do nothing to conserve energy. Accessing your computer remotely with the Wake on LAN feature also can drain the power.
To get the most for your money, Peters advises adjusting power settings so that it automatically goes into Sleep/Standby mode after about 15 minutes of inactivity, and then shut it down at the end of your day.
Bionic battery life
To get the most out of your computer battery, Peters says to you have to give it a workout. Don’t keep your machine plugged in to an outlet. Instead, discharge the battery daily.
Size does matter
By purchasing a laptop, Peters says that you are ahead in the energy-saving game. Laptops use about 15-60 watts, while desktops use 65-250 watts — plus another 15-80 watts for a monitor.
He also adds that you can further conserve energy by using an LCD monitor and ditching the high-end video card unless it’s absolutely necessary. Also, turn off printers and other peripherals when they are not in use.
To kill “vampire power,” TreeHugger.com suggests purchasing a power strip. With all peripherals connected to one source, it’s easy to simply flip the switch on power hogs any time.
Establish a backup process
In addition to Peters’ great advice about conserving energy, I discovered the hard way that it also pays to save backup versions of your work. Invest in an external hard drive to hold your digital music library, special photos, and other key documents. Frequent backups ensure that your data doesn’t die with your laptop.
While you are in the process of backing things up, create an emergency file (on good old-fashioned paper) that contains your computer’s serial number along with other key data such as your credit card numbers and phone numbers to reach each company, along with contact info to your insurance company. Access to that information is vital, particularly in the event of an accident, fire, computer theft, or other catastrophe.
Peters warns that those key pieces of information are not safe on your computer. If you are like me and absolutely need a digital holding space for those nuggets of information, he suggests sites like LastPass as your online vault.
Happy computing!
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