Onion: Study Of Pay Phone Calls Reveals Disturbing Trends

According to The Onion, a "study" by the FCC has determined that 81 percent of calls made over pay phones begin with "Please don't hang up" and end with uncontrollable sobbing. This "report" supposedly surveyed a sample of public phone conversations and "confirmed that the remaining 19 percent of pay-phone calls are wrong numbers caused by frantically misdialing one's parole officer, ex-girlfriend, bookie, or AA sponsor."