A New Day To Fly

"Pain has degrees. And this, this is nothing, you little freaks!" - Mitch Mahoney

Yesterday was my worst of the year, for a few reasons the details of which aren't so important. Suffice to say that I fell into bed exhausted, was awakened by nightmares, crashed on the living room sofa, and had some trouble lifting my head off the cushions when the sun came up.

I imagine that most people's grief, and especially mine as blessedly infrequently as it comes, is a matter of degrees. And the greater blessing in those times is to have the support of my family and friends in the theater as was the case last night.

"I just want to beat them up a little bit." - Mitch Mahoney

As a kid I was once filled with such self-righteous fury at my dad's decision to coach my brother's basketball team rather than mine, that I decided to play the most aggressive defense that I possibly could. On the first possession of the game I swarmed the opponent with flying arms and literally punched the ball out of his hand. It turned out to be one of my best games.

By no provision of my own, but that of God's, I have at some of my lowest moments been able to funnel the pain of disappointment into a raging engine of ambition. Today I launched myself off the couch and into shorts and t-shirt for a 3-mile sprint in 50 degrees of swirling wind. Physical exertion's always served as a good self-slap in the face to get back on track. A healthy way to beat myself up a little bit.

Took advantage of the sunshine to get some long-needed outdoor reading time. Clouds blew over and I thought about going inside. But I needed to toughen up so I stayed. Before long, the sun re-appeared. That's how life has been. The sun is always just behind the clouds, primed to reinvigorate those who have the strength of patience to steel their jaw and wait it out.

I read inspirational words of Illinois State President Al Bowman, and others. To fill one's head with positive thoughts is one of the most powerful forces around.

I used my run to reflect, self-assess, learn, adjust, look forward. I'm attacking the personal weaknesses that led to yesterday's downfalls, returning to the scene of failure and making things right. Anger and disappointment will not rule me; fear, self-loathing and self-pity has no place. These are the possessions in the hands of the opponent. I'm punching them out.

Today's going to be a great day. It's time to fly.