By Elise Sole of Yahoo Shine. I've got #2 down cold!
Turns out the adage, 'Happy wife, happy life," may not be true. New
research conducted by the University of Chicago finds that a happy and healthy husband is the key to having an awesome marriage.
“We studied older, more conventional couples, but results may apply to
younger generations since people tend to become more traditional as they
age,” lead author, James Iveniuk, a PhD candidate in the department of
sociology, tells Yahoo Shine. Chalk it up to cultural norms: “Even in
the most modern marriages, there are gender role expectations,” he says.
“Women tend to police the emotional temperature of the home, so if a
husband is sick or being difficult, women are often the ones to smooth
things over, versus men who are more avoidant.” Here are four more
factors that make marriages tick.
An average-looking husband: So, you didn’t marry David Beckham — that’s a good thing. Plain-looking men make better husbands,
according to the Journal of Family Psychology. Researchers filmed 82
newlywed couples discussing a marital problem, and in those pairs in
which the man was the more attractive one, he was less sensitive to his
wife's feelings. Meanwhile, the less handsome husbands were interested
in problem-solving. "There are lots of reasons why people stay together,
and lots of reasons why people are committed to each other," study
author Benjamin Karney, PhD, a social psychology professor at the
University of California, Los Angeles said in a press release. "So it
would be an exaggeration to say, ‘Well, no woman should ever marry a man
who is more attractive than she is.’ But it is true that on average,
when men are more attractive than their wives — in this sample, at least
— it looks like they were less invested. Maybe because they knew that
they might have more alternatives — better alternatives, potentially.”
Holding a grudge: It’s counterintuitive, but refusing to forgive your spouse
for an offense could be the key to resolving an issue, says one Florida
State University study. That’s especially true when dealing with a
difficult partner who takes advantage of the other's kindness.
"Believing a partner is forgiving leads agreeable people to be less
likely to offend that partner and disagreeable people to be more likely
to offend that partner,” lead study author James McNulty, PhD, a
psychology professor said in a press release. No need to drag out the
argument for days, but having what McNulty calls an “angry but honest
conversation” will make it clear that his behavior won’t fly.
Having married friends:
One Brown University study suggests that the divorce of a close friend
increases the odds that you’ll end your own marriage by 75 percent.
"When one person experiences divorce, it gives the people around them
information about what that's like," lead study author James Fowler told Good Morning America.
A friend’s split could cause you to question your own relationship or
hearing the juicy details of the single life could make its benefits
seem more appealing. To head off trouble, hang out with happily married friends: One study found that having an audience witness you two on your best behavior validates your lovey-dovey feelings.
Sharing a glass of wine: If you're going to drink a cocktail, pour for two. Although it's unclear why, both married and dating couples who enjoy between one and three drinks together feel happier than
those who indulge when they're apart. "Individuals who drink with their
partner report feeling increased intimacy and decreased relationship
problems the next day, compared to individuals who drink apart from
their partner or do not drink at all," lead author Ash Levitt, PhD, a
postdoctoral fellow at University of Buffalo's Research Institute on
Addictions, said in a press release. The effects were seen in couples
who mirror each other's drinking habits, so if your partner is
abstaining, you should too.
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