Work, With A Side Order Of Pain, Please

Suppose that our brains could be hooked up to a computer which resulted in our feeling perfectly happy, all the time. The catch is that, although the computer would provide images of winning awards, going to your child's choir concert, and making love to your spouse... there would no longer be work, relationships, or experience the hardships of life.

"We have presented this question to thousands of students in classes we have taught. In our experience, about 95 percent of the students opt for work, social connections, and pain over orgasmic bliss."

"Hedonism without pursuing meaning leaves most people feeling empty. However, too much purpose without actually feeling good leaves something to be desired as well. Consummate happiness includes both pleasure and meaning." - Ed Diener

When I read stuff like this (and I see it from time to time), I ponder the pursuit of heaven by some who see it as a painless place of eternal happiness. What instead of mastering our own minds to attain steady happiness in a flawed world?

Surveys Said...

"We know, for example, that the elderly are about as happy as people in their twenties and thirties. We know that money adds to happiness, but often only a modest amount. We know that in many nations religious people are happier on average than their nonreligious peers, but not in all societies. We know that long commutes to work drag down a person's happiness, even when people are traveling to a better, higher paying job." - Ed Diener

Do-It-Yourself Happiness

"Perhaps most important, you need to understand that happiness is a process, not a place; a way of traveling, not a destination. Happiness requires positive attitudes about life and the world, and continuing fresh involvement with activities. A life full of meaning and values, supportive social relationships, and rewarding work is the framework for a happy life." - Ed Diener

I think our minds are powerfully influenced by repetition. We condition ourselves to our "normal" state of mind by the deliberate or unwitting processes we apply in our heads. Do we allow ourselves the habit of looking back on the little joys of the day or the week? Do we exercise happiness by actively repelling angry thoughts with warmer memories, exciting plans and dreams? Our muscles and our attitudes are as strong as we discipline ourselves to make them. We're much more resilient than we think. The potential to positively influence the world around us lies untapped until we commit ourselves to the victories, small at first and eventually with great momentum, of seeing and speaking the bright side.

Being Like Mona Lisa

Scientists analyzed the famous painting and concluded that the sum of all the emotions across her face (in her eyes, lips, etc.) were about 17 percent negative and 83 percent positive. Tying to the last post, perhaps that is part of Mona Lisa's appeal - a subliminal expression that it's okay to feel negative sometimes, against a backdrop of generally positive feelings.

- From Ed Diener

Before You Read This, Answer: What Is Your Happiness On A Scale Of 1-10?

When individuals complete happiness surveys that use a one to ten scale, those scoring around an eight often tend to fare the best in achievement. Why might the eights of the world outperform their friends and neighbors who are nines or tens? It could be that eights benefit from the creativity and energy of happiness, but also maintain a touch of worry that helps to motivate them.

In 1976, thousands of college students were surveyed. They were contacted twenty years later and asked to report their incomes, and the results had surprisingly high correlation. The sevens, eights and nines generally did better than everyone else, including the tens.

- From Ed Diener

Life Savor

"A promising body of new research shows that, with a little mental effort, recalling good events from the past can boost well-being. Psychologists have begun studying 'savoring,' the process of active enjoyment of the present, and of using active appreciation to enjoy a past success. They ask subjects to spend some minutes reminiscing about a specific past event in a positive way. The savoring subjects report feeling happier than those in a control group. The key component to effective savoring is focused attention. By taking the time and spending the effort to appreciation the positive, people are able to experience more well-being."

"Begin thinking more intentionally:

- Direct your focus, where possible, to the positive aspects of life.
- Pay attention to how you interpret daily events and actively challenge and alter unhelpful thinking patterns.
- Savor happy moments, concentrate on recognizing them, and take the time to remember and bask in them later.
- Notice the good things that others do, and express your gratitude to them."

If thoughts were like money, the cumulative time I've spent dredging up unpleasant past thoughts in my lifetime would have me further in debt than the federal government! Negativity for me is like an allergy, to be treated deliberately. Daily journaling (and of course, Hidden Blogging) has been a fabulous antidote from the challenges of the past. Life is just too short to spend it wallowing in historical muck!

The Hole Story

Six hundred medical patients were asked the question: Which is the worse colonoscopy?

"Patient A has the usual painful procedure that lasts thirty-five minutes. Patient B has the identical procedure, except that five more minutes are added to the end, which are not very painful because the colonoscopy is very slowly removed during the extra period."

[Personal note: So how the heck do they "usually" remove it? "Don't worry Mr. Carter, just like starting a lawnmower."]

The data actually showed that patients A were happier overall, because of the way we remember things.

"Folks tend to remember and overemphasize the peak (best and worst) moment and the last moment. Patient A, getting the shorter procedure, would remember the most painful moment and also the last moment (which was also painful) and mentally average these experiences when recalling the colonoscopy. Patient B, by contrast, would remember the most painful moment, and also the end of the procedure, which was less painful, and average these two experiences."

So remember, for healthier overall memories:

1. The peak can be an ally. That means mellow when things get tough, and an extra dose of smile when things are going right.

2. Depart at high tide, or if at low tide, at least with genuine thanks. Everyone's contributed something to be thankful for.

3. Donate generously to probe-free colon exam research!

Dejection Pile

In one study, participants were pre-screened for indicators of general happiness. Then they were formed into teams of four to solve puzzles in a relay competition. After playing a little while, researchers gave them artificial feedback, such as another team had one, or giving individuals a low ranking within their team.

"People who, earlier in the study, had scored in the lowest 25 percent on measures of happiness - that is, those folks who were naturally less happy to begin with - tended to take the social comparison feedback hard, and felt depressed or dejected." - Ed Diener

Gotta confess that criticism sets me back more than it should, when it's something I should be thankful for. I mean, when I struggle to lift an average amount of weight in the gym I don't get down, I see it as progress since resistance eventually leads to success. Why must it be any different in relationships? The learning's a little trickier - it takes study of what just happened in order to mine the lessons, and focus to prevent backsliding. The other part is dropping the ego and replacing it with the peace of our own personal purpose, and the greater good.

You Should've Seen Their Chess Matches

In one famous football matchup between academic powerhouses Ivy League schools Dartmouth and Princeton in 1951, both starting quarterbacks were knocked out of the game with broken body parts. After Princeton won the highly physical contest, students from both schools were shown game film and asked to make an objective study of which players started the rough housing. Which team initiated post-play shoving, or cheap hits from the blind side?

The answers: 64 percent of Dartmouth students said it was Princeton, and 86 percent of Princeton students said it was Dartmouth.

"A universal truth we've all experienced: people interpret the same objective events around them based on their own personal values, biases, selective attention, and sense of identity." - Ed Diener

Said another way, people instinctively form answers in their head to most every question, whether it's as broad-based as religion or politics, or as objective as who pushed first in a shoving match. Consensus (which is different from unanimity) builds by drawing those answers out, paying them respect, supplementing them with information, and empowering each person to make a final choice.

Donut Shop Cops Have The Right Idea

"One last suggestion about improving your important decisions: eat a healthy breakfast before you make them. Recent research shows that people have better 'executive functioning,' which includes planning and self-control, when glucose and glycogen in the brain are at high levels. You don't want to be making big decisions when fasting, unless you chug some sweetened lemonade first." - Ed Diener

The More, The Scarier?

"As incredible as it sounds, having more choices can actually detract from happiness." - Ed Diener

Diener goes on to talk about two types of people: "satisficers" who have a minimum threshold for what is acceptable to them, and "maximizers" who strive to get the very best out of every decision.

"The funny thing is, although maximizers sometimes achieve better outcomes than satisficers - getting a bit more money for that recording contract, for instance - they also tend to be less happy with their achievements. In fact, they turn out to be less happy in general. Maximizers, according to a series of studies, are lower than satisficers in happiness, optimism, self-esteem, and life satisfaction, and higher in depression and regret!"

"Satisficers want good doctors and good cars as well, but they understand that there is a personal threshold that will be acceptable to them. They also understand that there is often little difference between the 'best' and alternatives, and that there are costs in searching for the very best."

Dangling Chads Weren't So Bad

"[Researchers] collected relevant data from the George Bush - Al Gore presidential election in 2000. Gore voters predicted they would be unhappy after a Bush win, and Bush voters predicted the opposite. When they surveyed voters later, they were far less unhappy (in the case of the Gore voters) than they had predicted. The truth is, while electing a Commander-in-Chief is important, it has less bearing on our everyday lives than most folks think...

...A major reason we overestimate the impact of the things that will happen to us just around the bend is that we underestimate our own resilience. Most of us discount our ability to bounce back from hard times and cope with problems."

- Ed Diener

Last night I tried to skate by without taking Sudafed, testing whether my system was on the recovery. Test failure woke me up around 2:00 in the morning with a three-alarm cough that took about an hour to soothe with drops and a pill. While I was groggily sitting in the living room waiting for the meds to kick in, I wondered what I'd be like after waking up today. So far so good!

Jumping Off The Treadmill

"The problem is that pay raises, new lovers, new jewelry, and new jobs can all seem exciting an rewarding at first, but over time you adjust, and their emotional luster dims. What was once thrilling eventually seems no moare than mildly pleasant. Brickman called this phenomenon - the idea that people can chase emotional highs but adaptation will drag them back to a neutral mood - the 'hedonic treadmill.'" - Ed Diener

The passage goes on to tell the story of man whose euphoria over beating cancer lasted just a few days! As far as I can tell, the mind needs constant refreshment, people need change in order to rediscover truly lasting happiness. Just this morning I briefly found myself stewing over a comment made at work last week. Lately my hourly journaling has nipped these kinds of mental pity parties in the bud. Why play around in the tired old moments of the past? Today and tomorrow are filled with opportunity to do something different - read something funny, run an errand by taking a new route, watch some news for current events, buy a new magazine, take a jog, organize something that's been disorderly for a while. Why be a "hedonist"? Why not make the next hour be a unique gem all its own?

Grade Expectations

"Clear expectations as well as a solid understanding of how and when to meet them is what we all need. Happiness-promoting workplaces are those that have policies and supervisors in place that facilitate this process." - Ed Diener

It's not just the workplace that thrives on clear expectations. Without lines and limits, driving would be quite the adventure. Without recipes, picking a cake would be like playing the slots. In friendship and marriage, we can do our part and be open about the expectations we have.

Getting Engaged

"Offices that allow team members to give presentations, write reports, make sales, participate in meetings, and conduct research are more likely to have employees who feel engaged rather than bored." - Ed Diener

I like to think that people are more proud of something that they own than rent. A job without variety feels more like renting. Give them a chance to do something personal and uniquely theirs.

Job Crafters

"Job crafters are folks who take initiative to make small changes around the office to bring their work in line with their larger vision of what they value in life." - Ed Diener

I like things to be organized! I see training and organization tend to slip to the bottom of the pile at the office, and sometimes rightfully so. My strength comes from using those passions for teaching and organizing to make a difference in the way we do business for our customers.

People Dander

"The psychologist Michael Cunningham maintains that we can even grow allergic to some people, much in the way that we can be allergic to ragweed, cat dander, or peanuts. Although people's obnoxious behaviors are often minor, if they are repeated frequently enough, we may become allergic to these annoying or insensitive habits... By choosing friends carefully, surrounding yourself with happy people, and communicating well with others, you can avoid unnecessary conflict." - Ed Diener

We know what annoys us. I gravitate toward people who are open-minded without pushing their views on others, who see a better future, who bring smiling energy to the day, who communicate responsively, gratefully, respectfully toward others, and inclusively. We scout our food to avoid allergic reactions. Why not scout our relationships?

Why Is It Better To Give Then Receive?

"A very important finding comes from Stephanie Brown and her colleagues at the University of Michigan: giving support to others is more important to longevity than receiving support. She found that elderly individuals who game little emotional or practical support to others were more than twice as likely to die during the five years she followed them compared to people who gave to others. Even accounting for initial health and other factors, people who gave to a spouse, to friends, and to neighbors were blessed with greater longevity."

I suppose that ties in with the idea of having a purpose in life. We can control whether or not we help others, and not whether someone helps us. So if our purpose is to help others, then our lives are better... and longer. In a sense, when we give to others, we're giving to ourselves too.

Follow The Zebra

In the book "Zebras Don't Get Ulcers," the typical zebra day is described as tedium punctuated by very anxious moments. One moment the zebra is hanging out with his buddies, eating grass, and gossiping about the wildebeest, and the next moment a ferocious lion is breaking up the party. The zebra reacts, physiologically speaking, like the rest of us might. His heart rate quickens, his system is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, and he runs away. But an interesting thing happens once the zebra has reached safety: all of his physiological stress responses diminish and the zebra returns back to his normal business-as-usual attitude. Unfortunately humans - because of our unique ability to predict the future and remember the past - are not always so resilient.

We have greater capacity for chronic stress. It increases risk of stroke and heart disease. It directly triggers heart attacks.

Fortunately, most of us live in a society where we're safe from lions. We can afford to forget the terrors and stresses of the past. If we can just do it!

Nun Sense

"Indeed, nuns who used a number of different positive emotion words in their autobiographies - happy, interested, love, hope, grateful, eager, contented, amusement - lived, on average, over ten years longer than those who used few such words." - Ed Diener

If it's good enough for God, is it good enough for you?