Four years ago this weekend, I decided to not look like this anymore:
I’m not writing this to inspire anyone to start working out, but if it does, great.
I’m not writing this to condemn or shame anyone that is overweight, and if it does, please know that this is not my intention.
I’m not writing this as a start to an online blog or anything like that, this is a one-time thing. Also, if you actually want to read something with genuine tact and literary candor you should head over to ericaboden.wordpress.com (seriously, check it out).
I’m writing this to share with those of you that didn’t know me four years ago the story of a decision I made, and a few things I learned in that process that I hope may help you when you’re considering undertaking anything (not just weight loss or the goal of some physical change). I’ve never really shared it outright in a manner like this out of a fear of coming off as some sort of narcissist, but I feel that now is as good of a time as any for two reasons:
1- Now that I’ve been living and making friends in Tuscaloosa, the majority of people that I interact with don’t really know the details of this, with a few exceptions. In fact, when I show people the picture of me above, some genuinely don’t believe it’s me. I feel like if someone knew this story, a lot of other things about me would make sense to them.
2- It’s been exactly four years so that’s a solid excuse. And hey, if you don’t like this post for any of the writing, at least you’re getting a pretty funny picture out of it.
Anyway, back to the story. Four years ago this weekend, I decided not to be fat anymore. And I don’t use “fat” loosely – I was an average-heighted, fourteen year-old high school freshman, and I was 210 pounds. My waist size was something like 38 inches. No body image distortion here, overweight is overweight.
The exact day (yea, I remember it) was Saturday, February 20th, 2010. There was no family intervention about eating literally all of the Thin Mints in our house, no great epiphany, no specific insult from someone that inspired me to change my ways out of spite. I just woke up that morning, and realized I didn’t have to be overweight. So I made the decision to stop. There honestly was no one stopping me from losing weight but myself, and whenever I envisioned myself in college, as an adult, etc., I didn’t see myself as overweight. And I realized that if I didn’t make a change now, when would I? Why not today?
So I went on a run.
Well, more like a jog.
Okay, if you had seen it at the time I
don’t know what you would have described it as, but it was definitely
physical movement more strenuous than walking.
The point is, I started that day. And I ran again the next day. And every day after that. I didn’t tell any of my friends or family- there was no reason to. I didn’t have a specific piece of motivation in my mind. I simply knew within me that what I was doing at the time was exactly what I was supposed to be doing.
Track started up a few weeks later, and, as usual, I was grouped with the throwers (because I was overweight, not because I was strong or anything like that. Apparently there’s a conception that fat mass transforms directly to muscle mass if you put a discus or shotput in someone’s hand). But I nervously went up to Coach Castleman a few days into that first week, and asked if I could run a workout with the long distance runners, and maybe start running in some distance events at the meets.
Now, no logical person would look at me and associate the word ‘running’, unless it involved the phrase “‘running’ through an entire sleeve of Oreos in one sitting”. His response was entirely unexpected, and completely unforgettable.
“Yea, of course.”
And so it was. I ran a few miles each day in track practice. But I understood that to achieve what I wanted to, a couple hours of practice would not be enough. So I stopped drinking pop (or soda, or Coke, or whatever you want to call it IT ALL MEANS THE SAME THING), stopped eating sweets, and switched out my usual fried foods in the cafeteria for chicken wraps (shout out to Miss Karen, those chicken wraps were dope).
And I ran. A lot. I’d come home from practice after running a long distance workout, then head out into Lexington’s country roads and pound away at the pavement for a few more miles. And then some more after dinner if I felt like it (which, if you haven’t realized by now that I kind of had a concrete resolve to change myself, I usually did feel like it).
I did this day after day through the spring of 2010, no take-it-easy days, no cheat meals or anything like that. That would have defeated the purpose of what I was trying to prove to myself that I could do.
11 weeks later, I had lost 45 pounds.
Yes, that may seem like an exaggerated figure. Nope. I promise. 11 weeks. 45 pounds. I realized that weight loss at that rate might be mildly excessive (in retrospect: duh), so I toned it down a bit and lost 10 more pounds over the next 4 weeks. Now I was a skinny punk of a 15 year-old, but that’s a different story.
I don’t have any secrets or huge confessions to offer you. It was a simple process. But I learned a lot from it, and I’d like to share these following thoughts with you. Although it’s framed in the context of weight loss, you could probably find a way to apply it to whatever decisions you may be facing now or in the future, so I hope this helps:
Do It. Now.
This hadn’t been the first time I had considered losing weight. I had made the plan a few times, but it always ended up the same way: I decided that it wasn’t the “right time”, that I should start next week, next month, or make a New Year’s resolution- and it remained an idea. But for anyone with an idea, waiting to put it into action is a death sentence. You’ll always find a way to justify procrastination.
It’s human nature. But I don’t know of anyone who is well-remembered for what they could have accomplished. So do it. Now.
Your Timing is Wrong. God’s Timing is Right.
This may seem contradictory to what I just posted above, but hear me out. After discovering I lost all this weight freshman year in high school, people often joke, “Dang, if you could’ve gone back and lost all that weight earlier, imagine what might have happened!” And yes, a lot might have happened. Maybe I would’ve invested myself completely in football instead of school. Maybe my dream job would be on a basketball court and not on stage with a band. But that didn’t happen. And that’s okay. I firmly believe that I was supposed to find all of these other things that I loved and develop who I was before I succeeded in losing weight, so that losing weight wouldn’t change what I loved or who I was. Know that where you are right this second in your life is exactly where you’re supposed to be.
The World Can Actually Be Pretty Dumb.
I had mentioned losing weight a number of times to friends and family, which was always met with the same panicked responses:
“Ben! Don’t say that! You’re not fat!”
“You don’t need to lose any weight!”
“You’re perfect the way you are! You don’t need to change!”
As well-meaning as these comments were, they were completely wrong and counterproductive. I wasn’t healthy. I was overweight. And I needed to change. This was primarily the reason I decided not to tell anyone that I had decided to lose weight- I would have been bombarded with these responses, and even worse, I probably would have believed them. My own friends/ family would have stopped me from doing something great for myself, and they would’ve been thinking that they were HELPING me!
But I absolutely do not blame them, I’ve been on both sides of this. Our culture is strangled by the misconception that it would be better to not hurt someone’s feelings when they’re trying to be honest with themselves rather than to encourage them to make a positive change.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with who you are, but there’s also nothing wrong with wanting to change who you are. Don’t let the world tell you differently- because sometimes, it can actually be pretty dumb.
The World Can Actually Be Pretty Awesome.
I absolutely don’t want to imply that I accomplished this all on my own. I was blessed with so many amazing people, opportunities, and circumstances that made this possible. For starters- Coach Castleman. What if he had given me a completely justified, logical “No” when I asked to run on that one specific day of practice? What if my sister wasn’t already an established runner on our high school team, and hadn’t provided that extra push of sibling rivalry when her overweight brother was (inexplicably) placed in the same workouts as her? Of the countless external factors that could have resulted in my failure, God lined everything up perfectly. The opportunities you need to succeed are out there. You just need to recognize them, and embrace them.
You Must Be Willing to Starve.
No, not literally. SERIOUSLY, not literally. One of the reasons I have no problem talking about losing weight or making jokes about “Fat Ben” is that what I did, I did honestly. I never found myself crouching over porcelain after a meal, or ignoring a growling stomach.
What I mean by “starving” is that if you plan something big, you will have to make sacrifices and embrace challenges in order to accomplish it. For me, those sacrifices were boxes of Wild Berry Pop Tarts, time spent playing Playstation in order to run, and large supreme pizzas from Fireside (RIP Fireside Pizza, you were mediocre but you were all we had in Lexington).
But if you’re doing what you’re doing for the right reasons, then the sacrifices you make will be worth it in the end. I promise.
You’ll Always Be Fat Ben.
Sometimes I like to joke with my friends that have known me since kindergarten that there are two types of friends that I have- those who knew Fat Ben, and those who have only known Skinny Ben. The latter are those who usually don’t believe that I’m the one in the picture above, and I honestly find that pretty entertaining. I have no problem acknowledging how I used to look or joking about it. I wouldn’t change anything about who I was or the journey from Skinny Ben to Fat Ben, because at the end of the day, I’m talking about the same kid. Fat Ben and Skinny Ben still will try to recognize that someone is better than them at something, from sports to school to whatever. Fat Ben and Skinny Ben still will talk to anyone and try to make whoever they’re talking to feel as comfortable as possible with them. Fat Ben and Skinny Ben still will have an unnatural obsession with cheesecake. It’s okay to have a past. We have to be willing to learn from it and accept it as a foundation of who we are today. You don’t have to change who you are to change who you are. (Think about it)
So, if you’ve made it all the way through this (congrats dude), thank you for letting me share my story, and I hope that it will have some sort of meaning to you.
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