Rickey On Schizophrenia

Rickey Henderson was asked why he often refers to himself in the third person: "Do I talk to myself? No I just remind myself of what I'm trying to do. You know, I never answer myself so how can I be talking to myself?"

Rickey On Investing

The Yankees issued Rickey Henderson a $1 million bonus check. Three months later, an internal audit showed the chack hadn't been cashed. A low-level Yankees employee called Handerson and asked if there was a problem with the check. Henderson replied, "I'm just waiting for the money market rates to go up."

Rickey On Team Greatness

Rickey Henderson played for nine teams in his career and a reporter once asked which one was his favorite. "Oakland," Henderson said. "They have a very colorful uniform."

Rickey On Music

A teammate asked Rickey Henderson if he owned the then-popular Garth Brooks album No Fences. Henderson replied, "Rickey doesn't have albums. Rickey has CDs."

The Cheapest Ticket In Town

Boston Red Sox officials reported that the morning after the Red Sox swept the St. Louis Cardinals in four games in the 2004 World Series, Rickey Henderson called the Red Sox front office trying to get tickets to Game 6.

Rickey On Drugs

In 2002 former baseball Houston All-Star Ken Caminiti told a reporter that he thought 50% of major leaguers were taking steroids. Asked if it was an accurate representation, Henderson replied, "Well, Rickey's not one of them, so that's 49 percent right there."

Any Way You Say It, It's Been A Long Time

Baseball's stolen base king Rickey Henderson was boarding the team bus and looking for a seat. A teammate said "You have tenure, sit wherever you want." Henderson replied, "Ten years? Rickey's been playing at least 16, 17 years."

The International Language

"The [Montreal] Expos fans discovered 'boo' is pronounced the same in French as it is in English." - Harry Caray

The City Of Brotherly Shove

"Philadelphia fans would boo funerals, an Easter egg hunt, a parade of armless war vets, and the Liberty Bell." - Bo Belinsky

Grouch Remarks

"He's really turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed." - Harry Kalas, on outfielder Gary Maddox

Master Of The Other Universe

"Rex Barney would be the league's best pitcher if the plate were high and outside." - Bob Cooke, sportswriter

Race Relations

"If he raced his pregnant wife he'd finish third." - Tommy Lasorda, on his catcher Mike Scoscia

Sharp As A Sponge

"We're not the brightest tools in the shed." - Doug Mientkiewicz, on his Red Sox teammates

And For Losing Streaks It's Just The Opposite

"The secret to keeping winning streaks going is to maximize the victories while minimizing the defeats." - John Lowenstein

And He Loves Swimming, Except For The Water

"The only problem I have in the outfield is with fly balls." - Carmelo Martinez

Literally Funny

Baseball players accidentally moonlighting as comedians:

"All I'm asking for is what I want." - Rickey Henderson

"Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." - Pedro Guerrero

Better Ask My Wife How Many Kids I Have, Too

Steve Balboni was a slugging first baseman for the Kansas City Royals:

Balboni: Hitting your first grand slam is a thrill. I'll always remember this.

Reporter: You hit one two years ago.

Balboni: (Pause) You're right. I guess I forgot about that one.

On The Other Hand, We Could Try You Out At Mascot

"Son, we'd like to keep you around this season, but we're going to try and win a pennant instead." - Casey Stengel