Lane Young's sleepover in Normal resulted in the birth of a near-superhuman quarterback who squashed the Green Bay Packers 120-14, capping a nine-hour Madden football marathon.
The ten-year old's trip to the Twin Cities was long-awaited by his aunt Dena and uncle Joe. For Joe, it was a chance to start off the new year with as much fun and little productivity as possible. For Dena, the peace and quiet of the upper floors gave her a chance to "get some things done."
Knowing that good nutrition would be key to fueling success, Joe and Lane headed to McDonald's for burgers and fries, then moved on to Kroger to grab a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
By 6:30, sheltered from sub-zero weather by the cozy confines of the condo basement, the games were on.
For an hour Lane taught his uncle the finer points of Game Cube favorites Mariokart (a NASCAR-style series of races which Lane won) and Star Wars ("sit tight while I do this").
The night started off with a matchup between Lane's Maddenstein Monsters and the 2003 Washington Redskins, randomly assigned by Lane to Joe. The invincible team of 7-foot undead creatures beat the life out of the mortal 'Skins, cruising to a 55-28 win as Lane coaxed Joe into revealing most of his plays before running them.
As midnight struck, the two shifted from competitive to practice mode. For an hour they perfected the art of scrambling from midfield backwards to their own end zone, and then turning around and running 100 yards for a touchdown.
After a thousand rushes, it was time to shift gears. The practice paid off, as Lane coaxed the aging Brett Favre into an NFL-record 377 rushing yards on dozens of quarterback sneaks, although his hard-fought battle against Joe's Bears ended ironically when Favre was sacked in his own end zone in overtime. The win turned out to be Joe's only one against the Goodfield champ.
Flipping randomly through the game menus, Lane stumbled upon Madden's create-a-player feature which launched the final wave of activity. He proceeded to design Lane McDonald, an intensely muscular, rocket-armed quarterback with hyperspeed who was immediately picked up by the Bears from free agency.
For all his perfections, McDonald was unable to rally the Bears into the lead in his first start. Fortunately, by the end of the first quarter Joe and Lane soon figured out how to change the computer opponent's skill level from "Medium" to "Sucks" and the Bears from "Medium" to "Pretty Much Unbeatable." By 3:30 a.m. Chicago had charged to a comfortable win and Joe charged for bed, leaving Lane to watch Napoleon Dynamite until 5:00.
By noon the lure of Madden roused the two children from bed and they stormed downstairs for one final crack at Green Bay. With the cool cordless controller in hand, the cinnamon-charged Lane harassed the wimpified Favre into over a half-dozen interceptions and cracked the 100 point barrier before the end of the third quarter.
In the end, the combination of too little sleep and too much talent made this a Maddenthon a fun one to remember. If the next one is too far away, only the Green Bay Packers will be better off.
No comments:
Post a Comment