I Won A Cruise!

Casually looking down at the mail shelf when I got home from work, my heart skipped a beat. There lay an envelope addressed to me from Carnival declaring "Ticket Voucher Enclosed"!

By "envelope" I mean the perforated-edged fashion, reminiscent of my annual state driver's license renewal application form. "To open: fold and tear along dotted line." Wow!

By "addressed," I mean in a font that looks as if it were handwritten by a person who stopped handwriting in the fourth grade. Yeah!

The stamp was red, white, and blue emblazoned with pure patriotism: U.S.A.!

I could hardly stop my hands from trembling long enough to rip my way into the center.

Out dropped a cruise boarding pass with my. Name. On. It. Wheee!

It also had a picture of a cruise ship. A cruise number. Departing from "any major port." Someone hold me down!

Ok, so it also said "Class B." And "outside cabin." And it was a photocopy. And was dated two weeks ago. And said "Sample." But it said VIP!!

I ran upstairs with so much enthusiasm that I nearly knocked Dena through her computer screen.

When I told her the surreal good news, she laughed, but not like people who win the lottery. It was more like people who just heard a stupid joke.

"What does the small print say?"

I was so mad. She didn't sound excited at all. She hadn't even looked at the ticket. What did she mean small print? All I know is we just got this ticket for Carnival and it says "Reservation Check-In" and...

...on the back, there's... hmmm... a bunch of small print.

"Airfare is not included."
"Certain travel dates apply."
"Travel over major holidays is not permitted and some restrictions apply."
"Recipient is responsible for any applicable port charges, government taxes, customs fees and agency fees."
"This promotion is not sponsored by or affiliated with Carnival Cruise Lines."
"Attendance at a ninety minute sales presentation for a travel club is required."
"No rain checks."

Oh. Um.

"No purchase necessary."

Honey! It's so ON!