Would You Rather?

"Forget about being clever or impressive. What is called for now is quiet integrity." - Susan Scott

Dena mentioned a game called "Would You Rather" which poses choices with no good answer and lets you explain your choice. One question was:

"Would you rather have a dumb leader who is honest, or a deceitful leader who's brilliant?" I didn't have to ponder long. Trust is the foundation of human greatness. Give me the first guy any day.

Excellence Rubs Off

"Rather than settle on a plateau of maturity, look around for people whose conversations are memorable, people who wake you up and provoke your learning - people who are real. Excellence rubs off. You will be better company for having kept the best company." - Susan Scott

How many times I hear this! With basketball coaching season coming up (they tell me that there's a good chance that the Y will need a coach again), my hope is to be an example of optimism and patience, if not excellence.

On Second Thought, Go Ahead And Shoot The Messenger

"If the message you've been trying to deliver is that you want another human being to change at the core, reexamine your message." - Susan Scott

They say to avoid the topics of religion and politics in conversation. Why would that be? These are activities centered on our most strongly held beliefs. It's like trying to push a mule. In my experience, all you can do is offer carrots, and have a backup transportation plan.

Stump Speech

"If you are a leader, taking responsibility for your emotional wake requires that you have a stump speech - the speect you must be prepared to give anytime, anywhere, to anyone who asks or who looks the least bit confused. Your stump speech must be powerful, clear, and brief.

This is where we're going.
This is why we're going there.
This is who's going with us.
This is how we're going to get there." - Susan Scott

I wonder if she has a stump speech for herself? Sort of a daily affirmation when things get tough.

I'm going to be happy, because life is better that way. It'll make others happier. I'll look at the bright side of everything.

How To Start A Tough Conversation

"There are seven components to an opening statement:

1. Name the issue.
2. Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior or situation you want to change.
3. Describe your emotions about this issue.
4. Clarify what's at stake.
5. Identify your contribution to this problem.
6. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue.
7. Invite your partner to respond." - Susan Scott

Solving The Mole Problem

A man had moles tearing holes in his backyard for years, despite trying everything he knew how to get rid of them. Then one day he happened to be standing behind someone in a hardware store holding a bag with skull and crossbones on it. Asking what the bag was for, the answer came "The mole problem."

"How do you get that stuff down into the burrows?"

"Oh, it's not for the moles. You sprinkle it on the grass and it kills the grubs that the moles eat." - Susan Scott

Sometimes I've found the best way to overcome a sense of overwhelming to be the simple act of doing one, small, productive thing. It might be the act of getting in the car and merely setting foot in the health club. Or paying one bill. Or getting a hair cut. Or just putting my feet on the floor when I wake up in the morning. Big problems can be handled one small step at a time.

Some Advice: Don't Give Advice

"Use the secret rule: No advice or declarative statements. Questions only." - Susan Scott

The people I'm most likely to approach are the ones who listen, and help me find my way by asking questions that explore the options. Although I often slip up, being considered "approachable," "non-judgmental," "encouraging," or "open-minded" are strong motivators for me, and I try to look upon contrary views with fascination and understanding rather than welling up the urge to change that person. After all, that person could easily find even more things worth changing about me.

The Most Important Thing

"'What is the most important thing you and I should be talking about?' I will rely on you to tell me." - Susan Scott

Such is the key sentence suggested to drive a routine one-on-one meeting between a supervisor and employee. The optimum schedule for such a meeting is once a month for two hours. In other words, twelve times a year ask each key person to explore his or her most important issues with you.

The time schedule doesn't matter so much as the nature of the question. Is there a better, or simpler gesture of empowerment and inclusiveness than to put the team member completely in the driver's seat? It's something I'm not good at yet, but I think it would work well in all relationships.

Inspiring Without Speaking

"It's amazing how this seemingly small thing - simply paying attention to another, really asking, really listening, even during a brief conversation - can evoke such a wholehearted response... When someone really asks, we really answer." - Susan Scott

This week was the LMC retreat, and each year there's a session on the communication differences between men and women. Men tend to listen side-by-side, women tend to listen face-to-face. Research shows that both genders listen equally well. Still, there's room for improvement. Focusing throughout an entire conversation, with the pure intent to do good for the other, inspires people to engage them.

One of the best at doing this is my friend Brandi Peterson. She has the empathy of Mother Teresa (and endures hardship just as well), and it shows in the way she absorbs every detail of conversation. The old saying is "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." A person who asks about the well-being of my family, more often than some of my own family, is the type of person I like to be around.

The Incurable Condition

Is cancer incurable? In the last year I've had two friends undergo extensive, gut-wrenching chemotherapy and find blessing in the magic words "Your test results came back perfect. You are cancer-free."

On the other hand...

"I don't know about you, but I have not yet witnessed a spontaneous recovery from incompetence." -- Susan Scott

Emp-Tea The Mind

"I'm reminded of the story of the man who visits a Zen master. The man asks, 'What truths can you teach me?' The master replies 'Do you like tea?' The man nods his head, and the master pours him a cup of tea. The cup fills and the tea spills. Still the master pours. The man, of course, protests, and the master responds, 'Return to me when you are empty.' The lesson here is that we need to empty ourselves of our preconceived beliefs in order to be open to a broader, more complex reality." -- Susan Scott

I recently read about a common characteristic of great companies... a magnetic devotion to their cause and their culture. That culture was often ingrained from the first employee orientation, and woven into all daily decisions. In non-work cultures we're also conditioned by our surroundings from birth. As we grow older we have the choice to listen to new ideas with an open mind.

Ground Truth

"Several years ago I was introduced to the military term ground truth, which refers to what's actually happening on the ground versus the official tactics. One of the challenges worth going after in any organization - be it a company or a marriage - is getting to ground truth." - Susan Scott

One of my fellow employees commented during the employee opinion survey about how much she appreciated "executive coffees" that a vice president had once done. I guessed that "executive coffees" might be a talking head at the front of a table, rattling off things that they were working on and might (or might not) be applicable to those in the room.

Instead of guessing for long, I just asked. In fact, once she e-mailed me her description, I forwarded it unedited to the newest VP, who gleefully agreed to visit our group. In fact, he showed interest in trying something broader still.

Ground truth can be so easy to gain, as long as we act on it.