Monday, October 15, 2007

Joe's Niece, Bunch of Other Girls Win Basketball Game

NORMAL, IL -- The Eureka Hornets' 8th grade girls basketball team buzzed into town and swarmed the Parkside Pythons 29-19, impressing a reporter who knew, like, one of the players, maybe a couple fans, and that was pretty much it.

The python - hornet comparison wasn't far off at first glance, with several Parkside players towering over the smaller Hornets. But Eureka came out in a 2-3 zone defense that overmatched them all night long.

Perhaps exhausted from pre-game warmups, each team mistakenly attempted to win the game by missing the most layups in the first quarter. Coach With Facial Hair looked displeased. Still, his team's 4 point quarter was still enough to top the Pythons' 2.

Parkside's #40 with the knee-high orange socks was clearly their star player, but Blonde Lady coach continued to take her out of the game for some weird reason. This was a bad idea. #23, while speedy enough, at one point threw three straight passes that Shelby intercepted to start fast breaks. Another time, she threw a pass to an imaginary teammate on the left wing, um, OK then.

In the 2nd quarter the Hornets (who must've had 20 steals) continued to swipe passes from the home team, and the shots started falling. No doubt the most spectacular play was when Kelsey Young, who's my niece, took a long pass and hit a beautiful 5 foot shot in traffic. Sweet! At the halftime buzzer the Hornets had built a commanding 14-6 lead.

The lead grew in the second half. Kalla, who pretty much ran around and between everyone on the court whenever she felt like it, had steals and scores on consecutive plays early on. Eventually Orange Socks tried to guard her and even to press her full court, but there was no way.

Blondie again put #23 in for #40 in the second half, and twice down the court she heaved the ball at the basket before her team could even set up on offense. What's up with THAT, girl?

Enormous Ref Who Could Palm the Ball With One Hand seemed to be calling too many fouls in this reporter's humble opinion. No way should Other Kelsey have gotten four fouls and Shelby fouled out. I mean, Orange Socks, and Tall Girl Who Cracked Her Head Against The Wall That One Time were busting it inside all night long, call it both ways, ref! Geez.

Lexi got a lot of playing time and was active in grabbing rebounds down the stretch. And the crowd went crazy (or should have, if they were paying ATTENTION, people), when Kelsey Young drilled another shot from the floor, not to mention when she hit the front end of a one-and-one late in the game.

By the time Bunch of Other Girls took the floor in the final minute, the Hornets had sealed another win, exiting to the deafening cheers of the standing-room-only-unless-you-want-to-sit-or-lie-down-or-even-walk-around-a-little crowd of about 51 people.

After the game, Facial Hair refused to be interviewed (either that, or he didn't know I was there). "We got a win on the road against a tall, athletic, tough team, and that's what we came for," he probably would have said, adding "My only regret is not playing Kelsey Young the entire game and calling more set plays for her on offense. She is the greatest player I've ever coached, maybe the best player anyone's ever coached. I can die a happy man."

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