A fervent campaign to advertise Joe McDonald's singing of the national anthem at last night's Normal Cornbelters game spared thousands of fans from arriving early enough to hear the amateur performance.
"Obviously we're pleased with the result," said team president Sergei Newberry with a sweeping gesture across the broad expanse of unoccupied seats.
"We were even able to persuade half of our staff to stay at home, which is normally an impossibility. But we actually had excess volunteers to take the night off. Most of them had been there when he sang on the fourth of July."
Most successful was the "Come to the Park After Dark" promotion, where fans who arrived after the first inning were entered into a grand prize drawing for a luxury Southern California condominium.
"Delay your cheers and save your ears!" exhorted radio commercials, which also included a sound bite of McDonald's prior performance set against background effects of rioting mobsters, howling dogs, women in labor and desperately hungry babies.
Security detail whisked the psesudo-singer through a private exit as dangerous objects rained down onto the field from those in attendance.
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