"Please don't regard my 14 positions as job-hopping. I never once quit a job."
"They stopped paying me."
"In my next life, I will be a professional backup dancer or a rabbi."
"I am attacking my resume for you to review."
"I realize that my resume is no longer exemplary thanks to my family destroying the computer file."
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
"Thank you for your consideration. Hope to here from you shorty!"
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