The pope resigned. Vote me in.
1. There has never been a pope named Joseph. What are you thinking, Catholics? It's the Holy Father, yes? Jesus' father was Joseph, yes? Let's end the embarrassment.
2. I grew up on Cardinal Drive. My wife is a Cardinals fan. So... pretty sure I understand the needs of the Cardinals, more than enough to lead them.
3. What? Yeah, I'm married. So I understand the sacrament, and highly qualified to administer it.
4. I am tough on scandals.
5. I've learned my lesson: Don't change for change's sake. Like changing Mass phrases such as "one in being with the Father" to "consubstantial with the Father." If my spell check doesn't recognize it, it's not churchy enough.
6. No ego here. I'll step gracefully aside when I'm 60. Don't want the church to get old and crusty.
7. I don't speak Italian. So local criticism would just roll off my back. What pressure?
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