Once upon a time young prince Joseph of Lincolnland pursued to preserve the good fortune of his mother the queen of the Bloomingdale. Time had smiled kindly upon the fate of the royal family since Father Time had called home the good king a decade past. The scrolls upon which bequeathed the king's merry treasure to the prince and queen made well for the pleasantry of the kingdom and all who graced it.
By and by the queen saw fit to bestow the honored inheritance most fairly between herself, her Joseph, and prince John the younger, off on crusade in the hinterlands.
And so set about she, having procured a fresh set of scrolls from the guardians of the fortune known as T. Rowe Price, to put her name to the parchment in such fashion as to proclaim prince John a rightful joint owner of the riches. T. Rowe Price lay beyond the kingdom and even its vast enveloping forest, yet its law governing scrolls was powerful indeed. Such a trove of wealth demanded a special seal upon the scroll, well beneath the inscription "Add New Account Owner" and the store of personal information, the great Medallion Signature Guarantee at the bottom.
Such a seal could be placed only by those duly knighted with the Stamp of Medallion, having paid a most kingly sum, and swearing their lives and honor upon the sacred duty to provide stamp only to those of truthfulness and worth.
And so did the queen pay regal visit to the castle of Harris Bank in the village of Bloomingdale one fine autumn day. The kindly knight within received Her Majesty warmly. "Do come, O welcome Your Highness!" he said with great delight. "For many years you have kept a share of the royal treasure on account with us here."
"Thank you, most handsome sir knight," said the queen, "but is it quite all right that my sons are not here with me, though the scroll contains room for three signatures?"
"Why madam, we would not think of such madness!" the knight retorted with a chortle. "You may do as you please. It is my great pleasure to affix the seal upon your immaculate name." And with that, the queen ambled fancifully to her coach, the task swiftly seen to conclusion.
With the dawn she presently sent her trusted messenger across the barren plains of yawning maize a hundred miles yonder, and reached prince Joseph.
"Why mother," he remarked heartily to himself. "This simple deed is so light upon me that no feather could fail to tip the scale in its own direction. I shall find it satisfied by midday!"
The prince mounted his trusty steed. "On Saturn, to the castle of First State Bank of Bloomington!" he entreated. Before nary a leaf could find its flutter to the forest floor he was upon their court.
"Cheerio, good knight!" he bade.
"Did you just bid me good night at this daylight hour?" started the confused knight most quizzically.
"The fault is mine, dear sir," prince Joseph remarked. "I do mean to ask if you would rather be so kind as to affix your Medallion seal as witness to my worth and truthfulness as the son of the queen after I inscribe my name upon this scroll?"
"Most certainly, my prince!" said the knight. "You have been on account with us through the ages, and we shall gladly serve you. How great is the fortune at hand, if I may humbly inquire?"
"Indeed you may!" Joseph exulted. "The legacy of my father numbers five hundred chests of gold bullion, borne of the fruits of many a labor from generations past, acquired by the gentle hand of Providence."
At this, the knight drew his eyes to the ground.
"My lord, I fear I bear unpleasant news. For you see, ours is but a small castle, able to proffer only a portion of the sum required to possess the great Medallion, and bear only a whisper of the duty it requires. We may only serve those treasures of less than one hundred chests of gold bullion."
Prince Joseph bore the travail without malice. "Fare thee well, then, dear friend. For though your bounds are small, your honor is deep with me, and I shall retain my account with you despite this obstacle."
He and his Saturn found himself upon the company of his princess Dena, herself an artist in the castle of First Farmers State Bank of Bloomington.
"My sweet, you are as beautiful as the stars are vast," he began. "Pray tell, might your castle and its splendid knights be so graced as to possess the power to affix the Medallion upon a scroll of fortune such as mine?"
Her amber lashes flitted smartly, with kindness softer than the whitest cloud. "My love, no word could cross my lips more gaily than to tell you so," she smiled. "In truth, the knights have yeomen's strength but alas, the castle of meekest size."
His eyes were wide with wonder, both at the perfection of her porcelain skin and the utter uselessness of the castle to his quest. "May they not even affix the seal in protection of one hundred chests of gold bullion?" he cried.
"It is indeed so," Dena said. "Not even a farthing."
"And what of your twenty knights of the castles of the hamlet Kiwanis with which you are acquainted?" he continued aloud. "Might at least one of them possess such worth and grandeur as to afford me this service?"
"Sadly 'tis but a dream, for I have taken their counsel, and they have returned the same, and zilch is its sorry name."
With this he leaned gently forth, with furrowed brow but enchanted heart, to place upon her forehead a token of his unending devotion, and ride off with melancholy to the depths of the darkening wood.
Presently he arrived at the foot of the craggy hill, staring up through the shadows of the thorn-bristled brush thick around the castle of PNC bank, surrounded by the howls of a thousand unseen wolves.
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