In a much-awaited but surprise decision, LeBron James announced that he will neither be returning to the Miami Heat nor signing with another NBA team, instead choosing to join the wildly successful Marvel Studios movie franchise.
"I have enjoyed my time with the Miami Heat and the NBA," James said to a mostly stunned press room at a loss for questions to ask at the news. "The opportunity to bring my talents to the big screen is the best business decision for me and my family."
Writer/director Joss Wheedon, the creative force of 2012's smash hit "The Avengers," confirmed that plans are in the works to develop and cast a new character called Monarch into its upcoming sequel "The Avengers: Age of Ultron" due out in 2015.
"As of now, Monarch will likely be a muscular butterfly-esque character who can fly and shoot things. We're still working out the details, but he will be awesome." Wheedon explained. More succinctly on Twitter: "holy crap we got LEBRON JAMES y'all! #monarchrules #sequelsdontsuck"
The international exposure, shorter work hours, and reduced bodily stress contributed heavily to James' decision. He expects to use the extra free time to expand his endorsement portfolio, which dwarfs his NBA salary on a per-hour basis. He will also reportedly earn $20 million for "Ultron."
Pat Riley, general manager of the Miami Heat, checked into a mental rehabilitation facility last evening after surviving a series of severe strokes in the wake of the news.
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