The Right Moves

"I never look at a move as being the wrong move, I look at a move as a move you made that didn't work out. I mean, I could have bases loaded with the winning run at third base with one out. If you're going to pull the best hitter in baseball that's ever played the game, and put him on home plate, and you hit into a double play, all of a sudden, it's the 'wrong move.' No, it's not the wrong move. It just didn't work. So I try to gain perspective." - Joe Torre

What is this kind of self-talk word play... a way of ditching responsibility? In the wrong mind, sure, but this is just another practical example of the idea of a successful experiment. Joe could stay up all night wondering what he should have seen, how he could have been more alert or prepared to make the decision that would have turned out better. But bad outcomes are just part of the human condition. There may be something to be learned for the optimist. For the pessimist, it's another validation of his inferiority. Sadly, the pessimist mistakes the difference between a failed task and a failed person.

A co-worker who reports to me recently tried to rally a few of us to form a golf team as part of a fun department-wide event. As we tried to fill the last spot and a couple of candidates emerged I delegated the final call to her. Her response, in part, was "I am NOT the captain!!" followed by several similarly charged paragraphs along the lines of "since my original suggestion fell through I am most certainly not the captain!"

Ew boy. Did I kick a hornet's nest here? Possibly. But it wasn't the wrong move. I empowered her with ownership and leadership of her idea, and she deferred. I could have reacted with some measure of offense or worry and cowed into silence. Instead, I stayed myself, responding with a note of self-deprecating humor. She responded in kind. And life went on as breezily as ever!

Fail, To Grow

"You're going to make mistakes - if you're not making mistakes, that means you're not trying new things. The question is not how to avoid failing, but how to come back stronger and incorporate the lessons learned from the experience." - Bill Boggs

I've made some awful hiring decisions! Like the lady who came with a resume including a college degree and a few Masters classes. She'd also been exclusively in an entry-level position at a manufacturing company.

At one point I asked the question "With your education, why haven't they moved you into greater opportunity?" The answer blamed the company.

I asked about examples of conflict. She was unable to provide an answer.

Red flags start waving, but... she seems stoic and professional enough. Besides, she's replacing a person who'd been an active, complaining cancer in the department. Even if she's not a star, she'll be an improvement, right?

For a day or so.

Then came "Birthdaygate," where an innocent attempt by a co-worker to celebrate her 30th birthday in surprise fashion turned into an unleashed psychological fury. She was like a blowtorch - powerfully productive and useful most of the time, but way too hot to get close to. Eventually she was deemed "unstable" by our HR rep, and left the company.

Nowadays, I am bold about follow-up questions to get behind the mask, and highly attuned to the optimism, accuracy, frankness, humility and kindness that a candidate exudes. To do less is to toss a noose around the collective neck of the team and walk a tightrope!

Upbeat Things In Small Packages

"If you know you're only going to have thirty, forty, sixty, eighty, one hundred years, and you can't even be sure you're going to be healthy, or not paralyzed, or whatever it is, don't let stress beat you. You have to see how wonderful it is to be alive. Because most of our time on the planet is gonna be in a casket. That's how I see it, you know? We're going to just be lying in a casket, or scattered to the wind. We're in that tiny, less-than-one-percent of time that we're on this planet - we're in that now, gives me a tremendous ability to be upbeat." - Jeff Lurie, owner of Philadelphia Eagles

Funk-Free

"I'm not so confident that I'm not self-questioning. I'm continually questioning. I have my good days and bad days, like anybody. But I don't stay in a fun. I work through it. You know, if I'm coming to work and I'm just... I come in, and just start plugging away. I have confidence by the end of the day I'll have worked my way through it." - Bill Bratton, police chief of Los Angeles

This is a guy who presided over one of the most dramatic turnarounds in any American city, as New York climbed from the depths of its worst crime record to an outstanding safety track in less than ten years. It must have been overwhelming to most men, and probably even to him. So he did what any of us can do in any circumstance... pick a well-planned path and steadily follow it. Little successes snowball into big wins. I can't say how many times I've talked myself into a small workout, and then found myself going far beyond. I think it's the momentum of overcoming laziness to set foot in the gym. That trivial feat touches off a good-feeling vibe that stretches for hours.

In And Out

"I use Eastern philosophy. I use the Zen thing to overcome that. Because that's right. Everybody's got this little voice saying, you know, 'You're gonna screw up.' But whenever you have a negative thought - which is natural, by the way - then you replace it with a positive thought. That's what Eastern philosophy does. So on the air, if I said, you know, 'I'm gonna make a mistake,' then I say, 'No, I'm not. I'm not going to make a mistake. I'm good at what I do.' Negative thought, replaced by a positive thought, wipes out the negative thought almost 100 percent of the time." - Bill O'Reilly

The mind can't focus on two things at once. Might as well stick something uplifting in there. I will say that the biggest struggle I have applying this is when bad dreams disrupt my R.E.M. sleep. Like this morning, when I dreamed that four men in suits delicately took me into a conference room to tell me that they'd be taking my employee Betty away to work somewhere else. What? Lose a 35-year employee? On the downside, disoriented as these moments are, I can't get it out of my head. A good note: in the dream, I responded calmly, "Whatever's best for the company." Fortunately I've lived enough mistakes of losing my cool by trying to dig in my heels in meetings that it's nice to know, at least in Nightmareland, that I can keep it together.

Shortest Way To The Mountaintop

"What I try to do is attack exactly what I have in front of me, as soon as I can." - Bobby Flay, celebrity chef and T.V. personality

Few things are as mentally draining as realizing at the end of the day that the three items atop the morning's to-do list never got done. In my job, the siren call of e-mail is the opponent.

"Time to start work on that premium project..."

*ding*

"Hmmm, what's this about 'Help, Please'? Skimming... someone needs me to look up a fact and send it to them. Won't take but a minute."

*ding*

"Tyson's first baby was born! Photos! Awwww..."

*ding*

"The department head wants me to do a presentation on spam e-mail? Let's read the corporate message points here..."

*ding*

"Whoa, ten minutes until my 1-on-1 with the boss! What's most important to talk about today..."

And on it goes. Whether it's e-mail at the office or a good T.V. show at home, there's always a convenient time-sucker that leaves me feeling undisciplined and wasted whenever I give in. Ancient wisdom says "This one thing I do." That guy probably felt as good as I did when I tackled the oldest tasks in my inbox this morning. Sure, others may have piled up in the meantime, but the small act of setting a goal and seeing it through with focus means more to me than answering a hundred trivial tasks trying to distract me instead.

Nobody Is Nothing

"I can have those - you know, like, 'eh, you're nothing' moments. I think everybody has that. And then I have this part of me that's positive. I call it my Inner Winner. And that's what keeps me going. you know? That's that positive light." - Diane Warren, award-winning songwriter

Renowned talk show host Matt Lauren at one point had four straight shows canceled. Four! Would you try to start up a fifth business if your first four failed? That perception of setbacks as learning experiences on the road to certain eventual victory has propelled several national celebrities to their dreams. The 'eh, you're nothing' voice is a liar... it's lonely... it wants company... it's a disease, an allergy to be discarded... it can't keep up with us due to its own weakness, unless we stop for it. Keep going! Spread acts of kindness and well-wishes to those around us, and reap those true rewards that come flooding back.

Living The Heart Way

"After you make some money, then you can do what's in your heart." - Jim Cramer

"If you know something to be true in your heart, stay with it." - Diane Warren

A friend and I got into a conversation about management jobs. She's achieved high marks in her career and been asked about stepping up into formal management some day. But her heart isn't in it, at least not yet. And there are some stations in life where "not knowing" is really knowing. Curiosity is a spark of passion's flame. If it's not there, then find another path.

Personally, I spent most of today fired up about the prospects of a new employee coming on board, and supervising a summer intern. I get a deep sense of satisfaction from stepping people toward their definition of excellence. I love helping people discover that definition from within through trial and error. And after making some money, then I can do it to my heart's content without interruption.

Entitlement

"You can't have a sense of entitlement if you plan to get ahead." - Bill Boggs

Is there a more difficult person to work with than someone who feels entitled to something, or a more useful teammate than someone who feels entitled to nothing? There isn't nearly enough humility in my bones, but one natural advantage I've had in my career is a sense that however hard I work, I'm overpaid. And in my personal life, the shift from "happy to be here" to "unbearable" in occasional pursuits has clearly, almost by definition, been a sad slide along the entitlement spectrum to the worst possible end. Living gratefully is bliss. Living with entitlement is lonely. Each successful day finds us riveted to our reasons to be thankful.

The Lottery Of Life

"Sometimes the small-but-meaningful opportunity shows up as a chance to do your absolute best, even if you are not assured of a payoff." - Bill Boggs

Being Cheap

"At the last minute, they decided they couldn't afford to pay a freelance film critic. So I sort of raised my hand and said, 'I wrote film reviews in college. Could I do it?' So I did it for free. I didn't get paid for it. I remember, my salary was $10,000 a year, and I did these long essays, every issue of New Times. But that really led to my career. Because then a year and a half or two years later, the New York Post saw my reviews and offered me the job as film critic there." - Frank Rich

Many happy endings began with a willingness to donate oneself. Most any corporation starts that way, with ownership experiencing several years of loss before turning a profit. Individuals can flourish by word of mouth, which comes most easily when you're willing to work for free - who's gonna turn down free help nowadays? Think of it in a business sense as start up marketing cost. Or in an educational sense as an unpaid internship.

I've been glad to volunteer for NCHS basketball as a coach, both for the prospect of making a difference for the program and also for the learnings to be sponged up from seasoned coaches. Meanwhile, Dena's been shopping her graphic design services at a discount for several years, and I could see word-of-mouth momentum carrying her upward rapidly in a few years. Yet another twist on the old saying that it's more important to give than receive... at least at first!

Cool With The Boss

"And you know, with George Steinbrenner, he's a tough boss; I acknowledge that. You can't pick and choose the piece of your boss that you want to keep and the other piece you don't want to keep. You have to understand that it's the package. If you're gonna take his money, you're gonna have to take the criticism. That's something you just have to know going in. This keeps you from overreacting." - Joe Torre, multiple World Series winning coach

A co-worker once approached me suggesting that I inform a boss that his conduct was adversely affecting others. But even had it been one of my own team members telling me this, I don't think that's how it works. In my view, healthy relationships aren't about trying to change each other. There are exceptions. If the boss had been walking around with a gasoline can and menacing people with a lighter. Or if the boss were the type who invited feedback. But in my experience few people are that way - most are exceedingly comfortable with who they are, myself included. It's often unrealistic to expect them to change their "flaws," unless we're ready to change things in ourselves in return that we may not see as "flaws." To paraphrase Joe, we can love who they are, rather than focusing on who they're not. And if you can't, it's probably time to move on.

A Way To Figure It Out

"Just sit there and say to yourself, 'I've got a limited number of years. What do I want to do with them? Do I want to change the world? Do I want to raise a family? Do I want to have fun? Do I see my life as a basket of appetites, which I'm going to fill up with both hands, until I get old and the baskets start coming apart, and I lose the ability to fill what's left of the basket?' Try thinking yourself into a commitment to some purpose. Just try it." - Mario Cuomo

The Road Less Nudged Down

"I knew I had something to offer, but I was scared to fulfill it. I didn't really have a role model. I mean,as much as my family was supportive of everything I would want to do, nobody really had a road map." - Joy Behar

Tyson passed along some advice about doing one thing that scares you every day. If Joy had avoided what scared her, she wouldn't have set herself down a road toward becoming a famous talk show host.

Meanwhile, how many more people would wander a few steps down that road if they had someone to give them encouragement?