Glove Me Do

From the mailbag (i.e. Jack sent another awesome baseball question):

"Are there limits to the size of fielders’ gloves? If not, why not give the first baseman an infield-sized glove? Then all the others would have to do is dive on the ball to record outs."

This is a fantastic idea, and could be easily accomplished by deeming the infield tarp a "glove" after cutting a small hole near first base.

The groundskeepers' union would lose several workers of course, but that's just a tempest in a teapot, a bug against the windshield of progress and healthy competition.

If a runner is leading off first base, all the pitcher would have to do is touch the ball to the ground and the runner would be out? After all, the 1st baseman is therefore deemed not only to be holding the ball but also applying the glove to the runner. If three runners are leading off, a triple play - whee! Or while the ball is in play, even, all runners off base would be out as soon as an infielder could corral the ball from the outfield.

In fact, why not put bumpers all around the edge of the tarp-glove which grounders could not escape?

Ground ball pitchers would be invincible! Infield practice would look like Rocky trying to catch chickens!

Or not? Suppose a runner tripped on the tarp. Would that be considered defensive interference? So the strategy would be for runners to advance as far as they possibly could with their feet before flopping to the ground in mock flailing anguish just as the ball is about to be pinned to the turf, allowing them to advance one more base.

Scouts would care less about baserunning skills and be more concerned with acting ability. And if there's no limit to the size of bats, then speed goes right out the window and major league batter's boxes would be filled with World's Strongest Man dropouts holding large planks of wood over the strike zone.

Fans would love it! Nowhere in the rule book does it say... um...

"1.13
The first baseman may wear a leather glove or mitt not more than twelve inches long from top to bottom and not more than eight inches wide across the palm, measured from the base of the thumb crotch to the outer edge of the mitt. The space between the thumb section and the finger section of the mitt shall not exceed four inches at the top of the mitt and 3 1/2 inches at the base of the thumb crotch. The mitt shall be constructed so that this space is permanently fixed and cannot be enlarged, extended, widened, or deepened by the use of any materials or process whatever. The web of the mitt shall measure not more than five inches from its top to the base of the thumb crotch. The web may be either a lacing, lacing through leather tunnels, or a center piece of leather which may be an extension of the palm connected to the mitt with lacing and constructed so that it will not exceed the above mentioned measurements. The webbing shall not be constructed of wound or wrapped lacing."

Crap.