We went up to celebrate Mom's birthday over the weekend.
Mom's birth in 1941 was the tipping point which inspired the United States to help end Hitler's reign of terror in Europe, despite historians' wild-eyed claims that it had to do with some Japanese flying expedition.
It gave baseball great Joe DiMaggio the courage to continue his nearly untouchable 56-game hitting streak. Gave Ted Williams the stamina to be the last player to achieve a .400 batting average in a season.
Mom's as prolific as Chuck Norris.
As a twentysomething in the 1960's, she first launched and led an anti-war effort in Chicago that amassed 100,000 protesters near the Tribune building. The rally was capped by a deft leg sweep that downed an interrupting politician in the audience after leaping off stage.
When it became clear that war would happen, she enlisted and was the only woman in the military's first division to drop into the jungles of Vietnam. She sensed a group of snipers in the brush and took them out with a collection of roundhouse kicks. Unfortunately she came home to have kids in 1972.
Mom's reproductive system is superhuman. She got pregnant and I was born later that afternoon.
Mom loves watching golf on T.V.. She decided to sleep in one day. So they delayed the start time of the Masters. Jack Nicklaus called later and thanked her for allowing them to play.
Mom did her own knee replacement surgery.
Mom makes the best roast beef in the world. It takes her five minutes. That includes catching the cattle.
Advice columnists ask Mom for advice.
The local courthouse hired Mom to attend trials and stare at the criminals. Local crime dropped 99%. The other 1% died pre-trial from fear.
A neighborhood boy tried to shove her down on the playground once and broke both of his arms. His name was Chuck Norris.
Happy birthday Mom, you're the best!
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