Seven Dwarfs' Families Win Settlement Against Disney

After months of closed-door legal negotiation, Disney agreed Friday to pay the families of seven dwarfs an undisclosed sum.

The class action suit alleged that likenesses of the plaintiffs were used for profit without consent, leading to public harassment that eventually drove the fireplugesque men into hiding.

After a motion filed by Disney was denied on Friday, July 8 by the Florida Supreme Court, dwarf spouses were all but guaranteed victory if the case went to trial.

"You made my first experience wonderful, thank you!" said Tracy Jordan before the court following the 75-minute session to deliberate. "Happy would have been so tickled."

Disney worked quickly throughout the ensuing week with grim-faced miniature lawyers to avoid a prolonged public media relations squabble. Family members were eager to celebrate upon the announcement once the deal was closed.

"Grumpy was completely typecast after that," said Kim Hawaspa with disgust. "He'd say 'Off to work I go,' but he never could hold a job for long. This makes my day."

Katie Varble was clearly pleased on behalf of her husband Bashful, but shrugfully declined to comment, tracing her foot lightly along the ground with her eyes down.

"If Doc were here, he'd be beaming so wide his spectacles would fly off," said Carla Knowles. Knowles, the eldest of the plaintiffs, is hospitalized with a thyroid condition brought on by chronic stress.

Connie Tullworks hasn't heard from Sleepy in over a decade, since he moved to Delaware in hopes to catch on with a mattress factory. "He needed a change. His narcoleptic reflex had spun out of control. He was going to send paychecks back this way," adding that the settlement amount would provide enough security for "lifetime unemployment."

LeAnn Attitudes was quick to scrub any thought of investing her new found funds, choosing to soundproof and sterilize the walls of her and Sneezy's home in hopes that he could at least return home peacefully.

Kelly Kiku waved her hands about gleefully as she spoke her thoughts on the experience. Although she chose to speak into a nearby glass of water rather than the podium microphone provided, reporters closer to the scene said that she made several nonsensical noises about her future with Dopey.