Accidental espionage revealed a plot against the venerable Kiwanis and Unicef institutions over the weekend.
A button was spied lying on the desk of a graphic designer carrying the phrase "ELIMINATE" above the logos for the two organizations.
"Clearly someone is targeting Kiwanis and Unicef, the way a cheetah stalks the weakest gazelle in the herd, or the Terminator was sent back in time by SkyNet to destroy John Connor," announced a spokesperson for Americans Against Volunteerism. "We support the action, especially if there are in fact killer robots involved."
"Kiwanis was founded in 1915, Unicef in 1946," shared a kind-eyed woman from the Philanthropy Euthanasia Association. "They've had a long, happy life. It's their time. They're ready to go."
No group has claimed responsibility for the operation. They could be anywhere, maybe even infiltrating the ranks quietly for years building up to an impending, universally coordinated moment of attack.
Scrambling to avert international panic and exodus from their membership rolls, the organizations hastily assembled a program and released a public service announcement suggesting instead a campaign against maternal and neonatal tetanus.
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