Saturday, September 4, 2010

Famous Speech Plagiarized By Founding Father Descendant

An otherwise humdrum rural town council meeting was disrupted by a distant relative of an American patriot Wednesday evening.

The Knobby Point, Arkansas monthly meeting had just approved an omnibus ordinance to reduce from 20 to 15 the maximum number of cats permissible in a single-family household when interrupted by retired town water inspector Walter Henry.

Henry, the great-grandnephew of the illegitimate grandson of Patrick Henry, rose suddenly yet awkwardly to his feet while holding a cat aloft in one hand. Attempting to appear spontaneous while occasionally peering down at some writing on his fisted arm, he protested the unanimous resolution by reciting his ancestor's Revolutionary War speech widely credited with inspiring the fight for American independence from English rule.

"Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace-- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"

Before several seconds of shifting-eyed, stunned silence could be broken by one of the three councilmen, two other attendees, or janitor present, the cat screeched and clawed at Henry's arm until he dropped it with a painful yelp and chased its escape out the back door.

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