From the Peoria Journal Star:
About a month ago, Melissa Brooks visited Auntie Anne's Pretzels in Northwoods Mall.
She found a long black hair baked into her pretzel, so she dropped a comment card to the corporate headquarters in Pennsylvania. The corporate office sent her complaint back to "Larry" at the local store.
"Ms. Brooks," he responded via e-mail last month. "I got your comment card. I was aghast at the extent of your horrification and likewise impressed by your use of the all caps function to communicate your message. I am in need of your help to ferret out this evil-minded culprit and put an end to this ghastly problem."
He said the hair Melissa found was "undoubtedly planted by some devious saboteur" because the two people working at the store that day didn't have long black hair.
"Did you see anybody with a secreted supply of long black hair hanging around the store?" he asked. "I certainly hope I can get your help because I can sense the devastation that you experienced and want to do everything possible to keep this from happening to another innocent and unsuspecting customer."
Then he cut to the chase. He said if she wanted to be taken seriously she shouldn't write an "over-the-top" comment card. He figures she's just fishing for free products.
"You will be receiving some free pretzel coupons by mail. Enjoy them with my compliments," he concluded. "By the way, hair is not a transmitter of disease according to the Peoria County Health Department. So while it is not appetizing, it is not hazardous to your health."
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