While talking with my friend Bill this week it was clear that he was concerned with how his co-worker Ted felt about him. For some reason, Ted just made my friend's stomach knot up when passing in the hallway. Ted simply doesn't seem to like Bill. Is he mad at me? Bill wants that to change.
I think that it helps to focus on the issues and not on the feelings if possible. If it bothers me to consider how the person disdains me... guess I might as well stop considering it. With co-workers there's almost always a common goal of some kind. Even people who hate us are usually good people who are simply in conflict with us for one reason or another. Is there a behavior that I could cut back on to make the other person's life easier? Regardless, if I show genuine good feelings toward the person as I work with him to get our shared job done, it seems that few other steps could have softened the ground further to enable a good relationship to grow.
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