"When you are at sea, keep clear of the land." - Publilius Syrus
Do you have any self-destructive tendencies? Sailing clear of land seems pretty obvious, and so does staying away from sugary or caffeinated treats, doing some light exercise regularly, or quietly listening at the right time. Yet the temptation to do otherwise, to get closer to land because it's more interesting despite the risks, is a constant force.
The other day I was talking with an old friend about a past acquaintance that had been insufferable for me in some ways, in fact to the extent that it was best to go our separate ways.
"I'm sorry things didn't work out for you," my friend said. What a natural opportunity to make some type of subtly self-enobling remark or victimized statement placing blame. "Maybe if he had the ability to do such and such, things would have turned out better," etc. But the truth is that I'm at least as responsible for those types of failings as anyone else. Trying to change another person is a bumpy way to live.
"Sometimes people change," I said instead. "I wouldn't trade those ten years for anything, and the lessons I learned have helped me in my personal and professional relationships. It was a useful chapter of my life, and now we've both moved on to a different chapter."
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