Saturday, December 19, 2009

Lane McDonald Leads Bears To 133-0 Win

Quarterback Lane McDonald passed for 509 yards in the Bears' convincing victory over division rival Minnesota Vikings today.

The 7 foot tall rookie was created years ago by Lane Young on his uncle's Madden '08 Playstation 2 game. Despite being just 200 pounds and, at 18 years old, the youngest player in the league, he's nearly unstoppable due to his mythical talents. Equipped with the maximum ratings possible for throwing ability, he routinely chucks 50-yard passes on a dime to receivers in double coverage. As usual, he had no interceptions, and completed 29 of his 35 throws, at least a couple of which were dropped by receivers. By his eighth passing touchdown, the home fans were strangely quiet, exhausted from applause.

If no one's open, it's no problem thanks to his maximum-rated speed. Simply put, no one can catch him unless he chooses to run at them. And on 14 extra point attempts against the Vikings this day, he chose not to - he merely sprinted to the front corner of the end zone for a cake 2-point conversion. Last week he decided to run that QB sneak not only on extra points, but on every single offensive play. Six hundred rushing yards later, he had leaped into the league's top ten in rushing... not bad considering the others had played in five games.

Due to his black visor face mask, gigantic roll-bar neck cushion and scary arm-length tattoos, no reporter went near him post-game.

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