American Navy Seals who succeeded in killing Osama Bin Laden were forced to chuck his body into a nearby ocean after the corpse failed to get through the Pakistanian TSA checkpoint.
"First we tried to roll him through the metal detector on a dolly, but it set off the beeper." said Colonel Adam McTavish Sunday night.
"We thought it might've been the dolly, so we tried to pass him through a couple more times, but the alarm kept going off."
Bin Laden's lifeless form was made to his remove his shoes, which didn't solve the issue. It was then propped up like a scarecrow and patted down, first in routine places and eventually in locations that would have caused anguished squirming by a breathing organism.
After stripping the body naked and making it lean uncomfortably against a wall for several minutes, increasingly frustrated Army Corps engineers tried in vain to throw him through the detector with a running start in hopes that the speed would fool the technology. Subsequent attempts to heave Bin Laden over the top of the doorway, and then to stuff him through the X-ray machine on a conveyor belt in a duffel bag, were also thwarted by the deceased's gangly 6'4" frame which became ensnarled.
"If his head weren't riddled with bullets, he probably would have made it through," McTavish said while wiping sweat off his brow near smug TSA officials. "Of course, if it weren't for him the TSA wouldn't exist, so there's some irony here," he conceded.
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