A local poll showed Dena McDonald to have a decisive edge over a random woman seen in a gas station Saturday morning.
The poll, conducted by Joe McDonald on himself, posed the question "Who is more attractive?" after noticing that her license plate included the year 1970, Dena's birth year and last four digits of her own plate. Trends which emerged:
1. Long hair is preferred over the mousier, short-haired look of Gas Station Woman (GSW).
2. The public supports a sleeker look and a 1-chin limit. "While there may be understandable, and uncontrollable reasons why a person would have jowls, GSW has been disturbingly silent on this issue. It comes across as if she lacks discipline," said one respondent.
3. Glasses are out. "To me it doesn't say fashion, it says clutter. Or is her eyesight so incurably bad that she might smash into me?" said a wide-eyed insurance professional.
4. Frowners are downers. The general look of joylessness creased into GSW's face brings a worrisome future. McDonald's radiance and irrepressible smile suggest that when each turns 76, it's McDonald whose charm will triumph over wrinkles.
Although the two are tied in every other demographic, McDonald's commanding lead in the male 30-39 group (100% to 0%) ensures that her popularity remains at an all-time high versus the unwitting challenger.
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