Church officials were stunned by police reports of a man who unwittingly broke all ten commandments in a single incident Sunday night.
Rick Kutz, an investment banker from Rockford, was leaving a romantic encounter at the home of his mistress when he spotted a golden replica of Michael Jordan in the garage and swiped it. When police responded to the disturbance, Kutz fatally wounded the first officer on the scene with a blow to the head. In the standoff that followed, Kutz first claimed that his "God d--- mother and father put me up to this," before changing his story and surrendering, all the while justifying his actions as "showing proper honor to a basketball god."
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