Night, the Biblical forerunner of Day, filed a petition with the Man in the Moon in complaint against discriminatory practices on Monday. Moon, the Milky Way Cosmic Clerk, posted the grievance publicly today:
"For too long Petitioner has suffered treatment by those who would describe 1:00 a.m. as 'one in the morning,' without equitable recognition of 1:00 p.m. as 'one in the evening.' Mythical terms such as 'afternoon' serve a patronizing and thinly veiled attempt to extend 'noon,' indisputably associated with Day (a.k.a. "morning"), into the rightful property of Night (a.k.a. "evening"). Discriminating references to 'twilight' inhumanely confine Petitioner to the hours of 7:00-12:00 p.m. or, most egregiously in the summer months, from 9:00-12:00 p.m. Petitioner requests that 12:00 p.m., hereto named 'noon,' shall hereafter be 'eve;' that 12:00 a.m. shall hereafter be 'morn' (hereto 'midnight'); and the interim time period be referred to as 'evening' or 'night,' consistent with creation's original design of joint temporal custody."
Witnesses for the Petitioner include Wolf Man, Count Dracula, the Nightwatchmen's Union, the Infomercial Fan Club, the Bogeymen's Benevolent Association, the Society of Mirthless Insomniacs, Big Al's and Jesse Jackson.
Preliminary witnesses for the Repondents include Kiwanis International, the Brotherhood of Breakfast Omelette Chefs, the Paperboy Council, Bryant Gumbel, the Soap Opera Actors' Guild and Roosters Anonymous.
Galactic court backlog resulted in a hearing date before the Creator on November 12, 2097.
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