Citing a trend of increasing priest ages exceeding that of the general population, the Catholic church released worldwide announcement through its Sunday pulpits to modernize the faith in hopes of capturing the elusive young adult demographic.
None was more significant than the renaming of the highest office, as shared by Big Daddy Benedict from Rome.
"The days of the Holy Father have passed, as Christ once did," he explained. "The era of 'Overarching Pastor' has arrived."
"None of this happens without the support of Pops," said former Cardinal and current Tweetmaster Giovanni Pascual. "He texts me like every hour about someone else telling him how awesome this is."
The ceremonies now known as "concerts" rather than Masses began the transition period with predictably awkward results, as "papas" and their "candle posses" performed the dance routines with less than a week of rehearsal while the faithful adapted to new lyrics, instruments and tempo.
"I haven't dressed this indifferently since the 60's," said ex-choir conductor and current bassist Ron "Dawg" Carriage. "But if it means bringing more young people into the church and closer to God, I'll dye my hair like this every week."
It will take several weeks to determine the effectiveness of the changes, as existing members decide for themselves whether or not to stay or go, and a new generation decides whether to come or stay away. The early results were tempered enough to encourage. Only limited casualties came from scattered reports of dislocated hips and allergic reactions to the mid-service snack buffets. At a few "hangouts" such as Bonaventure's Place (formerly St. Bonaventure's parish) in Escondido, Spain, logistical gaffes failed to suppress choice phrases from Benassi's entrance theme "Who's Your Daddy?"
Undoubtedly church leaders hope to hear more testimony like 22-year old Jamie Skiles of Boulder, Colorado after the noon concert at Peter's Crib. "I'm not much of a reader, but it's cool to hear Bible verses in Taylor Swift's voice," gesturing to her iPod. "I've got a couple friends who downloaded the Godcasts from the Facebook page too. It's just easier to invite people now that it's different from Grandma's days."
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