A red monster belching unmuffled roars emerged in central Illinois Friday afternoon.
Rumors abounded amid the civic chaos. Multiple sources asserted that the 2,000 pound terror came from Saturn. One story surfaced that it first took to the streets a decade ago from a parking lot in Champaign. Others suggested that it had mostly traveled in stealth for over 86,000 miles before its unexpected and enraged outburst.
"It sounded like an airplane taking off from a runway," said Dena McDonald, who survived an incredible and mostly embarrassing incident encased in the beast's belly.
Emergency room visits spiked with whiplash injuries and damaged eardrums. It's believed to be the most realistic threat to humans since the Cloverfield creature.
Federal government officials were confused by calls from the press, apparently unaware of the situation. Local sources confirmed that counterattacking measures for capture and conquest would be launched at Meineke Muffler think tank, whenever it's next open. Until then, citizens were placed under high alert and church services have been prepared for extreme growl-based annoyance.
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