Friday, May 29, 2009

Out Sanding

We'll be in North Carolina for Dena's family's bi-annual week long summer vacation. The weather for Hatteras looks like 70-80 all day long at least through Tuesday under sunny skies. The dawn of hurricane season doesn't guarantee much, but this has been a fabulous place to do some journaling, reflecting and reading by the pool. Hidden Bloggers will benefit when we return!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Heineken Commercial: The Walk-In Fridge

I wish I could find the English-speaking version of this, but you don't need to know what they're saying... as long as you realize that they're getting a tour of the house.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0LgJo9Do-8&feature=related

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Being The Candyman

"I'm not a fussy guy. I don't need a giant going-away party, especially since I'm not going away. To me this job is like giving people M&M's. You give them a couple, they want more. if you stop, they wander off. My job is to make sure I have enough M&M's to keep people happy. So far, that's worked out pretty well." - Jay Leno

What M&M's are we called to give?

Low Self-Esteem: Just Do It!

"Here's the key, though: Put yourself below everyone else. I'm a huge believer in low self-esteem. The only two groups with high self-esteem are actors and criminals. If there's a secret to my success, it's that I honestly don't think I'm better than anyone. I was dyslexic as a kid. I wasn't particularly good in school. I wasn't the best-looking guy. So I never got caught up in myself." - Jay Leno

One Small Step

A young teacher was excited to be starting a teaching career and contribute more to her family's well-being. But when she got home from receiving her diploma, there was a note from her husband written on the back of an envelope. It basically said he'd come to get his clothes and wouldn't be back. He had emptied their bank account. They were horribly in debt. She had quit her previous jobs in anticipation of interviewing for a teaching position. Plus, she was eight months pregnant.

What did she do next?

"I had my son, and I was about to bring a new life into the world, so despite my deep sadness, I had to go on. The next morning, I woke up (literally and figuratively), put my feet on the floor, took a deep breath, fixed breakfast, and basically did everything I always did. One small step after one small step was the way I bounced back."

Pun Intended

From Readers' Digest:

"My friend told me he'd dug a hole in my garden and filled it with water. I thought, He means well."

Monday, May 25, 2009

Heineken Commercial

Something about this one keeps making me smile:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jqZTJk30qg

Night At The Museum 2

We watched this with Troy, Dona, Kelsey and Lane on Friday night. I liked it about as much as the first one... maybe a bit more or a bit less.

The plot ties to the first one by trying to rescue the come-to-life-at-night exhibits from the archives of the famous Smithsonian museum in Washington D.C. after they're booted from the national history museum by a board intent on replacing them with holograms and other technological genius. When the magic Egyptian tablet that's the source of the nightlife is brought along, the country's largest museum gets in on the animated fun.

There is some romance involved which helps keep my interest, but what grabs me the most is all the silliness. An ancient pharaoh with a comical lisp rallies a group of history's nemeses to work for him - Napoleon with his "short guy" complex, a young Al Capone, and Ivan the Terrible. Ben Stiller's night guard character, while trying to slip downstairs past security into the archives, has a dandy run-in with a twentysomething roly-poly guard who seems like his true calling should be making doughnuts instead of toting weaponry. Later on, Darth Vader and Oscar the Grouch lobby for a spot in the pharaoh's evil inner circle and are mocked out of the room (much to Darth's frustration, he can't talk and his famous invisible choke hold doesn't work). And in the end, all the heroes win.

I see that the first movie has come to cable. Wait for this one too, and give yourself a chance to see it.

All For One

I browsed the web site of the local health club and was impressed by their mission statement, which included the phrase:

"We listen to members' ideas and involve members in our planning processes."

What a prime way to lay the foundation of trust and teamwork! I'm thinking about putting that phrase into the mission of the team at work.

Making Non-Memories

"More important that learning how to recall things is finding ways to forget things that are cluttering the mind." - Eric Butterworth

We know what they are. Anxieties, failures and irritations line up like impatient autograph seekers. If you indulge them, they linger for more. The construction of the mind rarely if ever truly forgets things. The way is to board the door with the best materials possible - layer after layer of dreams, successes and comforts.

He Was On A Role

"Shane averaged only about 9 points a game that season, far fewer than Elton's 17. However, he always had a high opinion of his accomplishments and he was never jealous." - Mike Krzyzewski

We're not all called to average 17 points a game. There will be celebrities, superstars, and executives enough for that. There's a role out there somewhere which needs filling and that we'll love. That dissolves jealousy. What more do we need?

Running The Race Or Being Chased?

"Speed is the best feeling in the world if you're going fast for yourself. But if you need to go fast for other people, everything changes. All of a sudden, you're being chased." - Dara Torres

It's said that the secret of genius is to carry the spirit of childhood into old age. In how many places have we replaced the simple joy of doing our best with the pressure of doing what others want to see?

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Push Yourself, Not Others

"It is easier to lead than to push." - George Patton

In this context Patton's talking about the importance in war of the generals to go up to the front and hear the whistle of the bullets for clearer understanding. More generally, this also says that our actions are more effective instructions for others to follow than our words. I may say that being well-documented is important, but if I'm not well-documented myself, how would I expect others to be? If I want my team to be courteous, or positive, do I behave this way myself or just recite slogans that sound nice and could be devised by any 12-year-old? Our conduct will always outlive our words. Investing an hour with our hands is worth ten hours of speechwriting.

Trust Is Job One

"I say, luck favors those who have spent their preparation time building effective systems of communication and trust in one another. That way, when a crisis occurs for you, within your family, your team, or your business, it can turn into an opportunity to shine." - Mike Krzyzewski

Togetherness time has been a great way to lay the groundwork for getting things done in the long run. It's not immediately productive for me to sit in on unit meetings involving employees two or more levels below me... the details of their job often don't touch any of the analytical work I'm called upon to do. But still I strongly believe in the value of being there with them. Only if I know what they do can I be most effective as a leader in giving them what they need. And key to those meetings are listening and laughing, more than scrutinizing or doing anything authoritative. Because people who feel uncomfortable around, or isolated from, their leaders shouldn't be expected to feel like true owners of the organization.

Flipping The (Positive) Energy Switch

"I also saw it as part of my job to keep practice fun. Positive energy doesn't just appear each day. You have to generate it. This is a responsibility shared by everybody on a team." - Dara Torres

What would it be like if each of us went into work daily with one of our top priorities as making things fun? We might come up with an ongoing contest involving a sports team, or the American Idol conestants. Or posting jokes. Or just getting to know our co-workers better so that we can learn what makes them smile. Or making light of something while waiting for that meeting to start. We might transform from workers trying to earn enough money to go home and have fun, to playmates who use work as an excuse to get together.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Commanding Too Far Down

"A general should command one echelon [level] down, and know the position of units two echelons down... It has been my observation that any general officer who violates this rule and at, let us say, that Army level, shows the location of battalions, starts commanding them and loses his efficiency." - George Patton

In modern parlance, don't micromanage! Earlier in my career, I would sit in on conversations involving a first-line supervisor and a difficult employee. I wanted to show personal interest, but I came to realize in time that I wasn't adding value by doing so. In later years, I'd get updates on similar situations as if I was listening to the evening news. Very rarely did they need my help. In fact, my absence had the unintended bonus of leaving me available as an impartial counselor for employees who needed a fresh set of ears to listen to their situation. And meanwhile my time was generally free to focus on other activities to lead the department.

Discipline

"Swimming fast is about having the mental discipline to get every last detail right, every single day." - Dara Torres

Culture

"I like having my former players as assistants because they have already been a part of the culture we instill in our young men. The bottom line on communication is that everyone on a team should feel comfortable expressing themselves." - Mike Krzyzewski

In relationships at work and at home, culture is the momentum of a thousand small actions. Do we say hello in the morning? Speak well of others not present? Explain our reasoning? Teach patiently? Express, and look for the bright side of, new ideas? Stay cool under pressure? Or not?

How To Win Enemies And Influence People

"When the German armies first swept into the western regions of the Soviet Union they had been greeted as liberators. The Soviet people, who had suffered two decades of oppression under Stalin, were ready to go over to Germany's side. What they wanted was 'liberation from Bolshevism.' If they had been treated with respect and sympathy they would have eagerly embraced the German cause. But instead they had been made slaves." - Michael Lynch

Success can rise so easily to one's head. Even much, much subtler victories than the conquest of Soviet villages spawn a cocky remark, a "told-you-so" gesture, or something more condescending. Respect is an exercise best done daily.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Star Trek

A friend of mine showed her interest in seeing Star Trek, saying that friends told her that it was good even for non-Trekkies. So I cashed in my birthday wish with my science-fiction-neutral wife and we headed out with five other people to see a Wednesday evening showing. Not five other people that we knew... I'm just saying that there were five other people in the theater. Including two guys who struck me as boyhood chums from the 1960's reliving their youth. These wayward rebels with their glasses, bald spots, shorts and tennies actually... put their feet up on the seats. The 60's must have been a wild time.

I digress. The picture was two hours of nonstop awesome action! Dena might have loved it even more than me. An cast member from the original T.V. who you'd all know was a key player. Earth is in trouble. Families broken, heroic, and saved; romance in surprising places. The casting was great - similarities to the original characters abounded (at least, from my non-Trekkie memory of seeing an episode or two). And Captain Kirk was impulsive, witty, and at times slapstick, which made for some healthy doses of comic relief to break up the action.

If you're a non-Trekkie, see it in the theater just to enjoy the full screen effect and catch a good adventure film that just so happens to be set in outer space.

McDonald Goal Contributes To Win

Months of cardio work paid off today when I was able to log about 30 minutes on the soccer field and, during a shootout, drill a goal that eventually helped lead us to victory.

The game featured a nice even matchup between teams of middling quality. We actually came from behind to tie it in regulation.

My 37-year old body also broke in a pair of orthotics for my shoes for the first time. The results are unclear so far... though I did work up a nice blister because of them, which is ironic since I put them in to reduce the likelihood of blisters in other places. It just goes to show that the body is a machine that needs a good deal of tinkering to get things quite right as it logs more miles.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Age Is Just A Number

It seemed like an apt day to quote my most recently completed read, "Age Is Just A Number" by Dara Torres. The 41-year old Olympic medalist mother.

"As an athlete-mom, I swam five days a week for two hours and did strength training four days a week for 90 minutes after my swim practice. I would have been just as happy to work out more, but that amount of exercise made my body perform best."

Here's my version:

"As an athelete-actuary, I walk into work five days a week for ten minutes and do grocery shopping four days a week for 15 minutes after my work day. I would have been just as happy with a Hoveround to carry me, but that amount of exercise made my body perform occasionally."

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Just Say "Not Yet"

This thought came while musing poolside...

"Saying 'yes' to everything means saying 'no' to quality."

By now most of us have heard a tale like this. A customer asks the waiter if the restaurant serves a certain wine, and the waiter explains not. Then he slips to a place down the street and purchases that very wine, to the customer's delight.

"Heroic! The ultimate customer service!" so the moral of the story goes.

What say the customers at the other three tables whose service was delayed by the ambitious waiter? And what will happen to other customers if they all ask for non-house wines too?

The spirit of business - heck, the spirit of humans - gains satisfaction by saying "yes." At home, saying "yes" to every personal request for volunteers eventually leaves the laundry undone, dishes in the sink and mail scattered about the house. At work, the easy sacrifice is organization, training, and personnel development, which can seed perceptions and realities of poor quality. That seed can grow infectiously, if efficient performers leave for other environments and their replacements are left scrambling through piles trying to understand even the basics of the job.

No good businessperson enjoys saying "No," or even "Not yet." But failure to grow in this practice - addicting ourselves to "Yes" - ultimately leads to failure overall.

Back To The Future

I'd cleared my work calendar today (thereby cramming tomorrow's birthday chock full of meetings) in order to have a minor cosmetic procedure to eliminate a benign cyst on my back. Hidden Bloggers know that I am not generally an early riser, but I awoke at 6:30 so as to get to the doctor's office by 7:30. And when the doctor came in, she said that the stitches would be in for about ten days. When I told her that I was heading to North Carolina for a week of vacation in ten days, she pointed out that some supplementary stitching would also be typical after the first ones were removed. Being so far from care, and noting also that a week of sun exposure or doing much of anything active could expand and darken the scar, I decided to postpone the surgery a few months.

Could the nurse have told me these things months ago when I scheduled the surgery? Sure. But I really didn't feel too much angst as this was happening, which in turn made me feel even better about "Mr. Positive" emerging this year. Lemons make lemonade. It's a beautiful sunny day with a prevailing breeze so I just converted the sick leave to vacation; I also now have all summer to continue working out without endangering the recovery process. Time to apply a little sunscreen, grab a new book, and engage in some rest and renewal!

Communication

"My team has one rule regarding communication: when you talk to one another, you look each other in the eye. Eye contact is an important act of mutual respect but also enforces the most crucial element of communicating: telling the truth." - Mike Krzyzewski

I have room to improve here. I wonder if it's more common for men or women to make better eye contact? I've heard it said that men tend to communicate side-by-side (think of driving in a truck or sitting at a bar) since face-to-face can suggest confrontation, whereas women are more face-to-face since it suggests intimacy. When your wife names your eyes as her favorite physical feature, you should show 'em!

Mein Faith

"There was a powerful religious impulse to Nazism... Grasping that the conformity of the young is a powerful weapon when it can be harnessed, the Nazis deliberately set out to give young people a particular sense of belonging to the new society that National Socialism was building... Hitler's assertion in [his book] Mein Kampf [was that] 'the people will more easily fall victims to a great lie than a small one.'" - Michael Lynch

My mind ponders Vacation Bible Schools drawing hundreds of children, sharing the story of Jesus' resurrection through music, drama, uniform T-shirts and other festivities. Wherever experience and reason leads them in their adult years, I hope that faith in something good continues to be strong.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Angels And Demons

By the title, I assumed that this was some kind of independent or special-niche film when I browsed this weekend's movies at the Rave theater. Only when Dona posted an entry about it did I realize that it was a sequel to the popular "Da Vinci Code" from years ago.

Tom Hanks is just about our favorite actor so we settled in for the 2-hour event knowing that our chances were good. We were pleasantly surprised.

It helped that the movie has, in a sense, five distinct parts due to tragic incidents scheduled to happen on each hour from 8 until 12. The good guys do their best to prevent Vatican City - and the election of the next pope - from destruction. And as one might expect in the world of shady secret societies, not everyone is on the side of the law that as it would originally appear.

It also seemed to me like this story line was less about sensational and controversial religious theories, like Mary Magdalene bearing the children of Jesus Christ. It was set within a Catholic event, but seemed in many ways just as secular as the National Treasure movies - villains trying to cause mayhem, heroes sifting through complex historical treasure maps against the clock to stop them.

It went by fast. Grab some nachos and an enormous bottled water, action fans, and watch this flick!

Praise In The Storm

On Friday, a teenager employed by a movie theater came home exhausted. It seems that two of the four kids scheduled to work didn't show up for work that Saturday night, causing them to work an extra hour and a half just to get things cleaned up on the back end of a long and stressful evening.

The next day the boss called - to focus on the one thing that she hadn't done completely. Within the next two weeks, she resigned.

The lesson here is clear enough... at the very least, balance criticism with praise, and when considering criticism, take the circumstances into account. The boss might not have known about the shorthandedness... he needed to ask, in order to keep two dedicated employees.

"Catch them doing something right." - Ken Blanchard

"Regardless of the type of recognition and reward given, its perceived value escalates when it's individualized for the employee." - Eric Chester

Adversity

"Whenever I face adversity, I look at the problem and them beyond the problem. I look for the solution and then I look for the positive impact it will have on me, my team or my family." - Mike Krzyzewski

This week a co-worker faced some adversity amid the stress of helping to price a product. There are some strong indicators that a price cut could be sensible, but we're still lacking some of the data to finalize it. And frankly, other stresses facing upper management have desensitized them to the possibilities - for the moment. My co-worker was wise enough to hold his tongue, to await the right moment to persist. That will lead to more positive results than lashing out in frustration.

Sometimes you're trapped indoors in a rainstorm without an umbrella, and it just makes sense to wait for the sun.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Old Age, Piece Of Cake

"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' The other thing I'm not looking forward to is when they have to help you with the blow. You know those birthday parties when everyone gathers around behind the old person and blows with them? It's sad because the poeple don't know that they're being helped. They think, 'Hey look, I'm blowing all these candles out. And I'm just inhaling. I'm in good shape. I'm going to live a lot longer." - Jerry Seinfeld

You Are What You Hate?

Famous German Nazi propogandist Joseph Goebbels focused on these essential elements:

- to promote the German nation as the supreme form of social and cultural organization
- to rid the nation of all Jewish influences
- to develop the Fuhrer principle - the notion of Hitler as the faultless leader to whom all Germans owed obedience
- to encourage pride in the Aryan race as the highest form of human development
- to develop German-Aryan arts free from the corruption of Jewish influences

"In laying such success on destroying Jewish influences, Goebbles was defining culture by what it was against, not what it was for. This was not a recipe for genuine cultural growth." - Michael Lynch

Friday, May 15, 2009

Franklin's 13 Principles

From Dr. Zimmerman, by way of Brandi's referral:

"The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows; it is what the man or woman is able to do that counts." Booker T. Washington, educator and reformer, 1856-1915

Many years ago, I met a person who changed my life by sharing one simple sentence. He said, "In life, you either have results or excuses."

It may not have been a politically correct statement, but I gave it a lot of thought ... and realized he was right. I thought about all the people I knew, and I asked myself how many of them had what they really wanted in life. I realized the number was very small, but their excuses were very large.

By contrast, I thought about one extraordinary individual whose life was characterized by extraordinary results. In 1723, he arrived in Philadelphia as a penniless 17-year old boy. But by the age of 42, he retired as a wealthy man.

On top of that, he became the country's most outstanding statesman, scientist, and philosopher. He helped draft the Declaration of Independence and was one of its signers. His name, of course, was Benjamin Franklin.

How did he do it? He went on a journey ... looking for the principles that would bring him the success he wanted. And he discovered 13 principles and devised a simple method for mastering them. He would give special attention to a different principle each week, and in the course of a year or 52 weeks, he would get through all 13 principles 4 different times.

When he was 79 years old, he wrote more about this system than any other thing that happened in his illustrious life. He felt as though he owed all his success and happiness to the practice of these 13 principles. So he penned a message to all of us, writing, "I hope therefore that some of my descendants may follow the example and reap the benefit."

So if you'd like to be as successful as Ben Franklin, here's his list of 13 principles. Practice each one for a week, 4 times a year, every year.

=> 1. Temperance

In other words, watch what you eat and drink. Take care of your body. After all, if you ruin your body, where else are you going to live?

=> 2. Silence

Franklin hated what he called "trifling conversations." So he learned to shut up if he couldn't say something significant or something nice about somebody else.

Of course that's hard to do. As the American author Alice Duer Miller observed, "People love to talk but hate to listen."

But it's possible to learn the art of silence ... or at least the art of avoiding negative talk by negative people. Kevin Carey, a senior manager at Time Warner, told me, "I go to lunch with a group of people that all understand that lunch is personal time and that work-related discussions won't be tolerated." He's learned to avoid the all too common gripe sessions that take place in the company cafeteria.

And the result? Kevin says, "I find that I'm much more refreshed after these types of lunches and in a better mood when I get home."

=> 3. Order

Franklin believed in organization ... a place for everything and everything in its place. He knew that a cluttered office or a messy home killed off motivation and innovation.

=> 4. Resolution

In today's language, we might call it follow-through. Or doing what has to be done. Or doing what you said you were going to do.

Modern-day entrepreneur, Sidney Friedman, echoes the same sentiment. He says, "You can achieve anything you want in life if you have the courage to dream it, the intelligence to make a realistic plan, and the will to see that plan through to the end."

By contrast, the losers in life lack "resolution." They see victory as being "too hard" or taking "too much work."

But the winners embrace "resolution." Take world-champion bicyclist Lance Armstrong, for example. He says, "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."

=> 5. Frugality

Franklin advised, "Waste nothing." Be very careful about the way you use money.

And if he were alive today, he might say such things as "pay off your credit cards every month" or "save for retirement starting with your first paycheck."

Some 200 years after Franklin, recent research bears out his "frugality" principle. In Stanley and Danko's book, "The Millionaire Next Door," they discovered that self-made millionaires were extremely frugal. They lived below their means, drove older cars, wore inexpensive suits, bought cheap watches, and opted for a mortgage-free home in a modest neighborhood instead of an unpaid mansion.

Stanley and Danko concluded, "What are three words that profile the affluent? Frugal, frugal, frugal. Being frugal is the cornerstone of wealth building."

=> 6. Industry

As Abraham Lincoln noted, "Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do." And Thomas Edison added, "There is no substitute for hard work."

Both of them subscribed to Franklin's idea of industry. As Franklin said, don't waste your time. Get rid of the unnecessary tasks in your life. And always be doing something that is useful.

=> 7. Sincerity

Simply put, in all your communications, be honest. No deceit. No manipulation. Instead of saying "honesty is the best policy," sincerity tends to say "honesty is the only policy."

=> 8. Justice

It's all about being kind and fair. Or as Franklin put it, "Wrong no one."

And that's a big issue these days. According to ComPsych, a Chicago-based employee assistance program, people problems are the number one cause of workplace stress. It used to be workload, but now 36% of the surveyed people cite "people issues" ... or being wronged by somebody else ... as the biggest stressor they face.

That being the case, you would be well served to become extremely skilled in interpersonal communication. It will not only reduce your stress, but it will also propel you towards greater levels of success.

That's why my program on "Take This Job and Love It! A Program for Managing Stress, Preventing Burnout, and Balancing Life" is so popular. If you're interested in having me speak about that at your meeting, give me a call.

=> 9. Moderation

Avoid extremes. Seek moderation. You don't have to win every argument, for example. You could agree to disagree.

=> 10. Cleanliness

This particular principle struck me as a little bit strange. But Franklin advocated the necessity of having a clean body, clean clothing, and a clean house. Perhaps he was thinking, "If you stink, you sink."

=> 11. Tranquility

Choose your fights carefully. Don't get all upset about those things that don't really matter. As Franklin wrote, "Be not disturbed at trifles."

Beyond that, there is a certain power that comes with calmness and tranquility. The former mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani, spoke about that when his leadership was tested on 9/11. He said, "My father used to say to me, 'Whenever you get into a jam, whenever you get into a crisis or an emergency ... become the calmest person in the room and you'll be able to figure your way out of it.'"

=> 12. Chastity

It's a rather old-fashioned word these days. But it refers to morality. No one ever got ahead ... forever ... by doing the wrong things ... for long.

And finally ...

=> 13. Humility

As Sam Parmesan, the CEO of IBM pointed out, "Some of the best advice I ever received was unspoken. Over the course of my IBM career I've observed many CEO's, heads of state, and others in positions of great authority. I've noticed that some of the most effective leaders don't make themselves the center of attention." They were humble.

And to be truly humble, to exhibit genuine humility, Franklin simply said, "Imitate Jesus and Socrates."

If that doesn't mean much to you, you might like the way Red Aurbach, the professional basketball coach, put it. He said, "Take pride in what you do. The kind of pride I'm talking about is not the arrogant puffed-up kind; it's just the whole idea of caring -- fiercely caring." And, of course, Jesus and Socrates were humble at the same time they cared deeply about their missions.

When I look at these 13 principles, I think it's somewhat sad, even pathetic, when people say they have no idea how to be more successful. After all, this list has been around for 200 years. Our only challenge is to put it into practice.

Action:

Pick one of the 13 principles to start with. Focus on that principle for one week. Think about it every day. And consciously choose behaviors and actions that go along with that principle.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Risen From The Deaf

I'd finally reached a point where my left ear felt as if it constantly had an ear plug in it, and my right one felt that way when I first awoke in the morning before clearing up after walking around a bit. I figured it was time either for my first visit to an audiologist, or to register for sign language lessons.

I've never been real wild about people putting things in my ears. I hadn't had a feeling like this since my inaugural visit to the local dentist years ago. "Please be careful," I'd urged back then, in the manliest voice I could muster under the nerve-wracking circumstances. At least then I could see the guy inserting his tools into my orifice. Now I was at the mercy of a grip-and-grin smiley doc who instructed me to look away from him, then started leaning in toward my ear as if to insert. It didn't help much that he commented to his trainee that he was about to "do some drilling." In fact, planner that I am, I started mentally rehearsing different possible reactions I could have such as flailing, cursing, or primal screams. Yet I mostly clenched up and took it, enough so that the physician's assistant asked if I was all right.

Turns out he was putting a skinny vacuum tube down in there to suck out any wax buildup. Even a skinny vacuum, shoved darn close to your eardrum, sounds like the T.V. on full blast. It was with more amazement than panic that I thought "Eardrums can safely withstand this kind of noise?" Surely so, and in fact later a hearing test verified that my eardrums were responding normally. Without going into great detail of what he excavated with the vaccum, I had figured wax to be the problem even as I set the appointment - a medic had diagnosed that two whole years ago during my routine physical - and "earplug" is probably the best description of what had accumulated in there by now (and Dr. Giddy showed me with great enthusiasm).

As he sat me up, suddenly I felt as if I had canine-like hearing! That was relatively speaking of course... the subsequent hearing test determined that I was "well within the normal range." I was just glad that all that plugged stuff for all those years hadn't somehow deadened my natural hearing in some permanent way.

Today's lesson: Do NOT use Q-tips in your ear canal! Ears have a way of cleaning themselves, as long as you don't pack it down in there with a cottony swab every morning. Heck, they said they could see a Q-tip imprint in there. Oh, and visit your audiologist regularly. My next appointment's in 6 months, and you'd better believe I'll be there!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Heffrens Add Extra Dash Of "Bash" To Mother's Day

Mom's Day out in Goodfield gets more enjoyable every year as I become more firmly stitched into the family fabric. And it certainly gets more interesting too now that the nieces and nephews are old enough to play games and carry on conversation. This year I learned several new games of tag that I can try out as team-building exercises at work (as long as I can get them to sign waivers from workman's comp). More new this year was an impromptu game of T-ball. Like everything else from when I was ten years old, the tee looks a lot smaller. Tees simply weren't designed to host a game featuring both an 6-year old and a full-grown adult. Yet here we were, with the following teams:

Paige Sauder - 8
Courtney Heffren - 8
Macie Sauder - 11
Wade Sauder - 16
Joe McDonald - much older than 16

Elisabeth Freidinger - 6
Trevor Heffren - 6
Lane Young - 11
Thad Heffren - much older than 11

By the end of the first inning, my team was down by about 20 runs or so, with most of our defensive plays featuring at least one throw over someone's head and near a body of water. In later innings, Thad (who's the walking definition of country strong) and I finally figured out how to hit a ball thigh-high, helping to restore some dignity to our air-whiffing reputation. In Thad's case, this meant mad sprints by all fielders to the deepest part of the property whenever he came to the plate. Nonetheless, it was somewhat difficult to catch the ones that he launched across the street or over the house. Wade's young legs came in handy there.

Our team staged a remarkable rally as the game wore on... we might even have won, had anybody been keeping score. But Courtney - who ironically we adults had finally coached into not throwing her bat following her swings - smacked Paige right in the forehead with her follow-through. I like to think that this could've been avoided, had I not been on second base at the time, and Thad focusing on covering the entire infield for his near-hapless defensive squad. Amazingly, Paige didn't even show any signs of swelling by the end of the day, maybe thanks to the TLC and ice packs she quickly received. Whether Thad and my bodies will feel as good remains to be seen over the next few days...

Monday, May 11, 2009

Up On The Self

"Self is realized through selflessness." - Lao-Tsu

The R Word

"As far as I'm concerned, I regret nothing." - Miyamoto Musahi

I mostly like the attitude there, the ability to close the mind like a chest of drawers to ills of the past and move on instantly. I could see where there could be some controversy though.

Like Nathan Hale, the American Revolutionary War patriot, famous for the line "I regret that I have but one life to live for my country." If he'd instead stood at the gallows before his hanging and uttered the line "I regret nothing," he probably wouldn't have been designated the official state hero of Connecticut in 1985.

Newspaper editors would aggravate more than a few readers. Which inspires more confidence to you?

"Monday's edition reported that Pastor Jack Smith was 'annoyed by his congregation.' In fact he said, 'annointed by his congregation.' We regret the error."

"Monday's edition reported that Pastor Jack Smith was 'annoyed by his congregation.' In fact he said, 'annointed by his congregation.' So there. He was expelled at an impromptu council meeting the next day anyway, so we probably shouldn't even have wasted the ink here."

Eternal Life

I recently read an article which said that 40% of those age 45 and under in the U.S. answered "no" to the question "Do you want to live forever?"

What an interesting question! Even though the article didn't specify, suppose that everyone stopped aging physically when they reached age 40 (and those currently above age 40 reverted back to their physical condition at that age). That would allow people to grow into their child-bearing years and continue to raise families. Assume, just to keep things fun, that magically there were no overpopulation problems as a result, like lack of space or food or jobs.

I think that I would. Of course I'd have to work a LOT longer... to build up a retirement fund large enough that we could live just off the interest. But there would be so much to do and see, generations of people to teach and meet, and all the time in the world to do it.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Cleaning The Vacuum

"In an utter emptiness anything can take place." - John Cage

I think instantly of those occasional 3:00 a.m. starts from sleep where my mind is a blend of dreamful confusion and vaguely relevant reality.

"Ohhh, tomorrow I've just GOT to finish washing my boss's car or I'll never see my dad again!"

"I can't believe I forgot to divorce Wang Zhu before marrying Dena. What happens now?"

Sometimes in those moments though, the vacuum of the dreamless mind starts sucking in the images of problems that, of course, can't possibly be solved in the middle of the night. In the helplessness and fatigue of the blackness, challenges that seem harmless enough by the light of day grip the mind with the ferocity of a rabid pit bull. When that happens, I'll sometimes get out of bed and grab a magazine to force my head full of more interesting thoughts until sleep overcomes.

Regardless of the time of day, we have control over what feeds our mind. Garbage in, garbage out... sunshine in, sunshine out.

A Lotto Luck

As I assemble and evolve my career development plan, I'm inspired by many possibilities, including early retirement. With that in mind, I finally decided to answer "yes" to the people at the gas station when they ask if I want any lottery tickets. My scientific approach to it is "give me $1 on whichever one has the highest jackpot." I've played twice and the results have been amazing. The Mega Millions game selects 6 numbers between 1 and 99. So far I've matched exactly none. What are the odds of that? My days as a math major are far enough behind me not to care too much, but it gives me instinct to know that something "special" is happening to protect me from the spoils of wealth.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Professional Confessional

This one's dedicated to my sis-in-law Jane and her smile-a-minute memoirs.

Those who know me best would snicker if anyone voted me "Most Likely To Lead A Major Condominium Construction Project," the same way they would if Simon Cowell were voted "Most Likely To Weep For Joy." It just goes to show what powerful forces inertia and attrition are... sit on the Board long enough, and those less in the know start looking to you for "wisdom" (i.e. ability to regurgitate the past), and then for "leadership" (i.e. bald self-interest in one's property not to decay into urban blight).

So goes this summer's project of replacing $25,000 worth of railroad ties, concrete and railings around the complex. The contractor is fabulous, about my age or a little younger, and is an active communicator especially by e-mail. For years I've dealt with various roofing, guttering, concrete, landscaping and other tradesmen for whom "I'll get right on that" is the verbal version of Little Lotto - it takes an extra cup of goofy juice to seriously expect anything to come of it. So when Ryan writes me yet another quick and comprehensive note, filled with phrases like "there were trappings behind the deadmen near the frost line" I just sit at my computer grinning like a baby at a mobile - not knowing what the hell I'm looking at, but really happy that it's there.

I'm an e-mail fan. While other people are dragging their bones home from work to get away from a computer screen, I dash downstairs to start reading and writing. E-mail makes Board membership ten times easier, we get a ton discussed online which shortens in-person meetings. On the flip side, it also makes it easier for 32 unit owners to get hold of me most any time of day or night with requests and concerns. And this is where things get creative and fun for me, because I get to loosen the "professional" reins a bit when I'm away from the office.

For example, a resident recently shared her anxiety with the project to replace concrete stoops outside the condo units, which she thought would also include a new sidewalk leading up to her stoop.

If this were a work situation, I'd have replied something like:

"Carol, thanks for bringing this to my attention. Unfortunately, when residents were offered the chance to participate in the project, it was for the purchase of 'stoops' rather than 'stoops and sidewalks.' I'm sorry that you understood differently. I wish there were more that could be done."

The Condo Joe version:

"Carol, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding of 'stoops,' yuck."

What good is decorum among friends, really? If Abe Lincoln had Facebook, he'd have a little Note off to the side next to his 407,182 friends and Pieces of Flair: "Eighty-seven years ago, Ben Franklin and those other guys started America so everyone'd be free and equal..."

Dena would agree. Like at our wedding rehearsal, when I eloquently guided her ring on her finger and recited my homemade vows, and she in turn thrust my ring at me and said "Here."

Time to get less busy making syllables and more time making friends!

Two Ranks Ahead

"One of the habits inculcated into [German] soldiers while training was for them 'to think two ranks ahead', that is to assume that the officers immediately above them had been removed, leaving them to work out how to respond now that orders were no longer coming down the line." - Michael Lynch

There are at least two other variations of this theme I can think of.

At work, most supervisors are thrilled by the ability for employees to work independently, with little direction. Part of that independence is an instinct for understanding not just what they do, but why it is how it is. Another sign is talking in terms of solutions rather than problems. Independent employees ask for resources first, and answers second... they would rather find the answer than be fed it. They think as if they own the business.

Another is "know your audience." Thinking in terms of the needs of the audience makes all the difference. It keeps us from delivering prime rib to vegetarians, a sports car to a toddler, an overly technical presentation to people with only high-level knowledge and interest, or humor that's ill-received.

Mental Housekeeping, Part 2

From Lou Tice:

I had an interesting question posed to me, by a reader of last week's "Mental Housekeeping" message. The gentleman asked, "How do you clean out all the hurts and go about this mental housekeeping?" Fair questions that deserve answers.

Hurts are the most difficult things to get over, because of the emotional imprint we add to the experience, and then store that memory in our subconscious. Each time we remember the incident or situation, we also recall the pain and hurt, which just solidifies the memory. Some people spend their entire lives purposely remembering old hurts.

It takes a fair amount of work to put those emotional memories into a different perspective, and a lot of that work is self-reflection. Asking yourself the questions, "What else might have been going on, that I might have missed?" and "What was it, inside of me, that caused me to react in the way I did?" Sometimes, those self-answers are more revealing than we expect.

The good news is that, while we are taking the time to answer these questions (and any others that come to mind during these times of self-reflection), we are cleaning out old mental cobwebs, dusting off even older memories that we may have buried away, under other memories, and illuminating our mental attics.

Self-reflection is like uncovering windows and throwing them open, to let sunlight and fresh air into closed spaces. The light allows us to "see" each memory in full with no shadows, and the fresh "breezes" give us a chance to change our perspective.

What we decide to keep or throw away is up to each of us. Sometimes, an altered perspective allows us to toss the hurt or the pain, and create a new memory of a new lesson learned.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

McDonald Holds Three Concerts In One Day

This Mother's Day, Dena and I've been invited to sing the song "Train Up A Child" at Calvary United Methodist Church with a group of friends... about a dozen in all. We'll play the 8:00 and 9:30 services.

Coincidentally, Higher Ground also needs a sub at the 11:00 service. Evidently the theme is "hearty" as we'll "jam" to the following:

Opening songs
- I Am Free
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR7bBEBIC9g

- The Heart of Worship
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tq62ggQKYJY

Offering
- How Can I Help From Singing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Of0ntOdDZU&feature=related

Closing
- Open The Eyes Of My Heart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wutmEjdbedE&feature=PlayList&p=84B8FC03E4564A87&index=0&playnext=1

Chicago Cub Fans In McLean County

Dena introduced me to a site called Meetup.com where you can search for people with similar interests and form a meet-in-person group. This was too blogworthy to pass up, so I formed a group dedicated to Chicago Cub fans who live nearby. Meetup.com requires a small monthly payment in order to organize a site like this, and also requires you to "pledge" that the group will meet in person. Not a problem in the short run... as the only member I'm constantly meeting with myself. Fortunately, it's free for anyone else to join now. The premise I came up with is that we'll chat about the Cubs via message board until they make the playoffs (Cardinal fans, note that I said "until" and not "if"), then we'll meet in person to cheer them on in a game. Tentatively I picked the Normal Theater as a meeting place. Somehow I'll bet it'll hold us all more than comfortably.

The site's now included in my favorites to the left. Here's entry #1:

"Each season's as exciting as a new car, and we've had a month to test drive this year's edition of the Cubs. What are the biggest surprises so far?

1. Rich Harden's ERA is 5.11.
2. St. Louis is in 1st place, 2.5 games ahead of us.
3. Most RBI's: Theriot, Fontenot, and Fukudome.
4. Ted Lilly's .200 batting average tops Geovany Soto's and Milton Bradley's.
5. Cubs have given up the most runs in the NL Central.
6. Other?"

Spring (Mental) Cleaning

From Lou Tice:

How much unnecessary junk is accumulating in your attic? No, not the one in your house - I mean your mental attic.

Since we are in the middle of what many of us call "spring cleaning" time, many of us sort out and discard possessions we no longer use and give them to charity or sell them at a garage sale. But have you ever thought about how valuable it could be if you took the time to perform the same kind of mental housecleaning?

Removing the superfluous, the unnecessary, the destructive, or the outlived from our mental attics is a vital part of making room for new possibilities. I know one man who often says, with his jaw tightly clenched and a no-nonsense expression on his face, "I know who I am!"

But we can't possibly stay the same if we are living creatures. Each surprise, each unpredictable turn, each new venture, produces the potential for new insights, new responses, and new resilience. A willingness to change is a prerequisite for openness to life. And without that willingness, we become stuck in our need for stability and certainty. Eventually, if we stay stuck long enough, we stagnate. We exist, but we don't really live.

Is there any junk in your mental attic that you would be better off without - a grudge, a hurt, maybe an outgrown assumption? A job, an outworn "must" or "should," or an old anger? Why not clean it out?

Sunday, May 3, 2009

It's A Wonderful Life

From Reader's Digest, here's a list of ten reasons to be thankful with the world we live in:

1. The typical American has more free time than ever - more than five hours per day, according to time surveys by the U.S. Census Bureau. That's a gain of nearly an hour since 1965. In Victorian England, when life expectancy was only about 50, workers put in 60-hour work weeks from age 10 until they died.

2. Despite the growth in population, the number of war casualties around the world has declined. Over the past century, even counting world wars, a person's chance of dying from war or violent civil strife was less than 2 percent (less than the chance of a car accident in the U.S.).

3. In 1950 the typical new American home had one floor with 1,000 square feet, and nearly half didn't own their own homes. Today those figures are 2,200 and 1/3.

4. In 1970 barely half the people in the world were literate. Today that figure is 80%. Twenty-two percent have Internet access.

5. The average 18th century regal Frenchman consumed less than 2,000 calories per day. Today, the typical person in a poor country consumes 2,700, thanks to advances in growing food at low cost.

6. In recent decades, America has gained 70 million acres of wilderness.

7. Compared with 1970, today's automobiles burn less gasoline per mile and emit 98% fewer pollutants.

8. Thanks to the abundance of television stations today, viewers have more choices than ever, and producers can afford to experiment with programs for every taste, such as sophisticated dramas or edgy comedies.

9. The U.S. and former Soviet Union agreed years ago to dismantle 90% of nuclear weapons. So far tens of thousands have been slashed from each nation's peak of 50,000.

10. Memories last longer than ever, due to advances in memory-improvement drugs and in technology (which all Hidden Bloggers know first hand).

Headlines, Without The Head

"Student May Be Suspended for Strangling His Teacher"

"Southwest to Fly Direct to Dallas with 1 Stop"

"Florida Electric Chair Unsafe"

"County Nursing Home Holding Second Annual Old Bags Tea"

Storming The World With Peace

"Too frequently we think we have to do spectacular things. Yet if we remember that the sea is actually made up of drops of water and each drop counts, each one of us can do our little bit where we are. Those little bits can come together and almost overwhelm the world. Each of us can be an oasis of peace." - Desmond Tutu

Someone told me this week "You can only do what you can do." That seems to me like good advice. My "oasis of peace" can come from realizing that waves will crash against me - my choices will inevitably come into conflict with others', that's just part of the ocean of humanity. It doesn't take a coliseum to endure. A simple construction, with a foundation of values, walls of sturdy optimism, and a ceiling of faith forms a perfect oasis. In time, others who enjoy visiting might build ones too.

And He Tells Me His Parents Are Among The Most Wanted In America

From Reader's Digest:

"A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They're appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl's mom says, 'Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy.' 'Oh, please, Mom!' says the daughter. 'If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?'"

Safety First

From Reader's Digest:

"My cousin, a teacher, asked her young students, 'Why should you never accept candy from strangers?' One girl knew. 'Because it might be past the sell-by date.'"

Saturday, May 2, 2009

All Jacked Up

Jack's in town for three weeks of work training, so he dropped by to borrow a suit and shoot the breeze. As usually happens we ended up telling old stories, like the time that Dena fended me off by knifing me. That led to a discussion about pranks, which older brothers love to do.

Jack (and I, admittedly) both had some fear in elementary school of venturing out much into the front yard at night. My weak attempt to rationalize this is that we were kinda close to a busy street, and there was no Amber alert system back in the day. On this night, Mom had asked Jack had to roll the garbage cans down to the street. As he headed out the front door, I slipped out the back. As he headed up the driveway from his trip and started to close the garage door, I came screaming around the corner like a medieval warrior. Within a few microseconds he went from pure, heart-stopping terror to raging fury, and I from delighted prankster to full retreat. To this day I think this remains the only time I've ever run for my life from my younger brother. Eventually I ended up toppled over a flower pot on my backside in the yard, with Jack wondering if he'd just signed his own death certificate, but me pretty sure this had gone just far enough.

Adaptability

Young assistant basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski was perplexed why head coach Bobby Knight didn't run a grueling endurance drill for his Indiana team, the way he had as a West Point coach with Krzyzewski as his player.

"Michael," he replied, "there is a big difference between you and Quinn Buckner," referring to Indiana's star player.

At work two supervisors report to me. As we embark on a project to update our job manuals, it's important to me that they each be allowed to add their own style to it. It's also important that they allow their employees to do the same. In the end that will mean a little more variation than if we invented some kind of rigid standards. But the fact is that people's learning styles and comfort zones are unique and personal. The more important result is the buy-in and the sense that they truly own their piece of the project. To me, this is an element of high-functioning teams.

Friday, May 1, 2009

NASA Simulator Prepares Astronauts For Rigors Of An Interview With Larry King

From The Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/nasa_simulator_prepares?utm_source=a-section

Family Picture (Window)

"I am not much for the family gathering. You ever sit there and the conversation's so boring, so dull, you start to fantasize, 'What if I just got up and jumped out that window?' Just crashed right through it. Come back in, there's broken glass, everybody's all upset. 'No, no, I'm all right, I was just a little bored there, I'm fine now, I'm ready to hear a little more about that Hummel collection, Aunt Rose. Let's pick it up right there.'" - Jerry Seinfeld

Inclusiveness Defined

"Inclusiveness isn't telling someone you're about to kick him... it's asking him whether or not he wants to be kicked." - Joe McDonald

"C" Is For... Well...

"Don't criticize, condemn, or complain." - Dale Carnegie

This is good advice for me when facing a dilemma of style. In some things I can tell when it's time to change direction, if my style is out of sync with the culture. Such differences in philosophy are the ultimate fodder for criticisms, complaints and condemnation. Tonight Dena and I watched "The Boy In The Striped Pajamas," about World War II concentration camps. What clearer historical example is there than this of condemning differences?

Differences may cause us to go our separate ways, but they are worthy of respect.

Life Is A Tree Of Cherries

"This life of ours would not cause you sorrow if you thought of it as like the mountain cherry blossoms which bloom and fade in a day." - Murasaki Shikibu

The world is here long before us and long after us. In the meantime, let's bloom our best.