Gruesome sticky tracks have led scientists to claim discovery of a new mammalian species lurking in men's restrooms.
The animals are as yet uncaptured photographically, but small dried puddled evidence proves their existence in a habitat previously thought to be exclusive to humans. Dr. Bjorn Susfolk of the British Anthropological Society explained the findings with a mixture of academic wonder and janitorial disgust.
"Imagine that a male person were engaged in urinal activity and, near completion, became so disoriented as to take a half-step backward and then simply stand there limply for ten seconds in a trance-like state. While man is far too advanced neurologically and socially to engage in such behaviors, we now have incontrovertible, wretched proof that some lower form of life exists, apparently in great numbers."
Debate stretched beyond the scientific realm, as gently-stepping, wide-stanced restroom patrons with common decency and sufficient dexterity to fasten pants while standing still were quick to offer alternative theories.
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